I like you a lot.

But I hate that I like you, and you like me too… but I haven’t told you, and all I do is drop hints. I feel like I have to be perfect, and not fuck up. Because I’m scared that you’ll dislike me, and I don’t want to lose you.

I'm sorry for fucking up. I'm an eighteen-year-old girl. I talk shit all the time. I'm not perfect; I'm far from perfect.

But I could be perfect for you. I'll try. I promise.

I feel like doing this.

On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Will post both on tumblr and here, okay? :)

Yet another meaningful conversation post.

Naz: Okay, today, we've got to watch "Pourquoi Pas Moi" because, being Malaysian, and not understanding French, you haven't seen it.
Me: But I don't understand French. If I did, I'd be all Amelie-stalking right now.
Naz: I'll translate; it's just a really good movie, and I've seen it, like, seven times.
Me: Wow. You must really like it.
Naz: Shut up.
About forty-five minutes into the movie...
Me: Hey, Naz? What's she saying? And I don't even know their names yet.
Naz: Okay, so that one's yelling, "Nothing happened!", so the other one said that if she hadn't come along, the first one would be in bed with the tattoo girl, and that the first one saw the tattoo girl's tattoo, and she's wondering why she's even here.
Me: Yeah, I got that bit. About the tattoo, I mean. Wait. Why get upset about the tattoo? Geez.
Naz: Anyway, Steph, the first one just went, "Because you love me!", you follow? The second one went, "What?" and the first one said, "And I love you." in reply. Smooth.
Me: Awh, they always have those moments in the movies, where they stare breathlessly, quietly at each other, and the music swells...
Naz: And you have an almost-eighteen-year-old talking over the significant moments. Right, now the second one says, "You're a real bitch. I love you, and there you are, swapping spit with some dog."
Me: Fuck it, I'm turning in my pens. You should be the writer, not me.
Naz: Jesus, the first one is so smooth. She just went, "She's not a dog, I was not swapping spit... And you're beautiful when you're angry." Isn't that adorable?
Me: Yes, yes, adorable. What's the second one crying about?
Naz: She says, "Honestly?" and the first one says, "Yes. Hysterical jealousy suits you."
Me: Christ, Johnson, you're so cute. Marry me?
Naz: Sure.

guess who's over at la casa de fernandez.

Sven: Hey, you know the TV show where they teach women to love their bodies?
Me: I want to have a tv show like that. I will say, “STOP BEING FAT” and whenever the women try to eat, I will zap them with a cattle prod. When they are a size 6, they’ll thank me.
*
My mom: So, Sven, where are you from?
Sven: My parents are Russian, but we lived in Philadelphia for fifteen years.
Me: Killadelphia.
Naz: Hey, you know what's the capital of Killadelphia? Shitsburgh.
*
Nick: This gathering is gayer than Elton John fisting Lance Bass while YMCA plays.
*
Nick: Bikini waxes hurt a lot, or so I've heard.
Naz: I have a VAG OF STEEL!
*
Me: I hate alarm clocks. I can't ever get up.
Sven: Sucks to be you. When I hear the alarm, I think, ‘YAY, SEX!’ and then, ‘YAY, COFFEE!’. I love mornings!
*
Nick: Chicks are a hassle. If I were a lesbian I’d just throw the chick a vibrator and an economy size pack of batteries and tell her to have at it while I went shopping. Wait, that sounds like the perfect relationship!
*
Sven: *checks his iTouch*
Nick: You and your robotic boyfriend... I'm so glad that doesn't have a penis.
Sven: Maybe there's an app for that.

Giggles from this afternoon.

Sven: Hey, do you think the neighbors heard us last night?
Nick: We were pretty loud, huh?
Sven: Maybe we ought to tone it down a little.
Nick: Fuck the neighbors. If I have to listen to them play Lady Antebellum, they can listen to me getting nailed.

*

Steph: I'll never know what it's like to be a man. And I don't want to.

Sven: No problem. Next time you have sex, just spray whoever you're doing in the face with one of those spray bottle thingies.

*

Steph: Geez, sorry I'm such a jackass.

Naz: Oh, babes, you're an asshole sometimes, but never a fucktard.

*

Sven: I like McDonald's nuggets in Russia better.

Me: They have McD's in Russia? And why not?

Sven: Because ours are made of chicken, and yours are made of... I don't know. Illegal immigrants. Or something.

*

Naz: You know, Sven and Nick, y'all always say how much you like fat chicks. It's probably because you don't have to fuck 'em.

*

Me: So then, I forgot if it was nPr or nCr.

Nick: NEVER FORGET OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!

*

Nick: I love him. *points to sexy black male model*

Sven: He looks like he talks too much.

*

Naz: You should just sneak up on her and jump her. Remember, it's not rape if you yell, "SURPRISE!"

*

Nick: Steph, I don't know how people read your handwriting.

Naz: They probably don't; they just think some Arab was really angry.

*
Sven: All lions are males
Steph: Where do baby lions come from then?
Sven: Then what are tigers?
Steph: Stripey
Sven: No, there's no such thing as a female lion. Thats why they call them the King of the jungle. Not the Queen of the jungle.

*

Steph: I want a tattoo.

Naz: I don’t like coloured tattoos. If you want a coloured tattoo, just get it done in black outlines and then you can colour it in with markers every day. That way you don’t have to worry about it fading.

*

Sven: I miss Michael Jackson.

Steph: Let me tell you my Michael Jackson story! This one time, I listened to a Michael Jackson album but I don’t remember which one now he is dead I am sad. The End!

*

Naz: Dolly Parton sure loved getting her tits out. Can't say I blame her.
Steph: Remember, it was the 80's. She was probably high the whole time.
Naz: I don't need to be high to get my tits out. I'm just high on the fact I have such awesome tits!

*

Naz: Look, a rainbow! That means people are having gay sex. Hope it’s two hot chicks.

*

Naz: *eats nuggets*

Me: I love watching you eat. You’re so cute. Like a monkey playing with Lego.

Five-picture post and update.

I went to sleep last night, at about 4:00 in the morning, because of these:

Lisbeth Salander is my fictional girlfriend.

And, well, Sexbox (my iPod), is... Sexbox, I guess?

Embarrassing confession: I was listening to Show Me Love by Robyn.

*blushes*

*

And then, at about 6:00 am, my dad decides it's funny to come into my room and take pictures of me when I'm sleeping, to try and wake me up for church.

(Epic fail, by the way, the second coming couldn't wake me.)

That is, till I woke up and whined so much that my mom came in and chased him away.

Ladies and gentlemen, my parents.

But he did manage to get this shot, though.

Look at how long and thick my eyelashes are here!!! :D

*

When I finally woke up, I realized I have exams tomorrow.

So I decided to do something that would calm me down.

What calms me down?

BRANDI CARLILE, OF COURSE!

I listened to her "Give Up the Ghost" album on repeat.

And that's my tired face.

Now, I kind of have "Oh Dear" stuck in my head.

It's this amazing song that she does almost all in falsetto.

Aaaaah, Brandi. :)

*dirty thoughts*

*

Then I decided that I kind of love Sexbox, so I took a picture of my legs with her.

For some reason, I keep thinking Sexbox is a girl.

Probably cause of the Marina and the Diamond lyrics;

"Look like a girl but I think like a guy."

I don't even know if that makes sense, so jyeah.

Sexbox's earphone wires didn't go the way I wanted them to, so I just left it.
I guess that's my influence.
In response, I became like my mother, and left that alone, and just took the picture.
(Apparently, taking baby pictures of me about seventeen years ago was hell on earth for her.)

*

Later, about dinnertime, we went for dinner at the Palace of the Golden Horses, because Aunty Mary and Aunty Beth were here, with Felicia.

Dont't.

Provoke.

The.

Fucking.

Unicorn.

(As you can see, I got my eye poked out).

.snippets from ani difranco's "shy"

the heat is so great,
it plays tricks with the eye,
it turns the road to water,
and then from water to sky.

*

i've got a dream of your face,

that scares me awake,

i put too much on my table,

and now i got too much a stake.

*

and i might let you off easy,

yeah i might lead you on,

i might wait for you to look for me,

and then i might be gone,

where i come from and where i'm going,

and i'm lost in between,

i might go up to that phone booth,

and leave a veiled invitation on you machine.

*

and you'll stop me, won't you,

if you've heard this one before,

the one where i surprise you,

by showing up at your front door,

saying 'let's not ask what's next,

or how, or why'

i am leaving in the morning,

so let's not be shy

*

and i roll over and taste the pillow with my grin,

well, the sheets are twisted and tangled,

and the heat is so great,

and i swear i can feel the mattress,

sinking underneath your weight,

oh sleep is like a fever,

and I'm glad when it ends,

and the road flows like a river,

and pulls me around every bend

*

and there's a crack in the concrete floor,

and it starts at the sink,

there's a bathroom in a gas station,

and i've locked myself in it to think.

I love it when you smell nice.

Your scent arouses me along with the way you walk, talk, the way you dress, the way you speak, and the way you look at me. Your lips are entrancing, I wish to touch them with softness, gentleness, and along with that embrace you whole with sensuality. I wish to be closer to you. I have the urge, all the time to touch your hand, to hold your arm, to wrap myself around you and smell your neck and kiss your jawline. In the mist of it all, I get nervous and hesitate to make the first move.

Dear Miss Fernandez:

This is your blog writing. Yes, I can write, and yes, I have a mind of my own. Never ever doubt it, and if the thought should cross your mind that this is Helen writing, you should banish it, because you would be dead wrong. This is me, your blog.

It has come to my attention that you have recently experienced a change of heart, effectively transferring your affections to a close friend of mind and thus abandoning me. It seems unfair that after all the time we have spent together enriching what lies between us, you have so quickly abandoned me and all we have shared over the years. I must ask that you return, if not permanently, then at least periodically, to continue to let me know what’s going on in your life. I understand that your last visit was not too long ago; however, I fear that our once-prosperous relationship is deteriorating at an alarmingly fast rate.

Yours truly,

Your Blog.

you're an idiot.

Wasn't it obvious how much I fucking loved you? And yet, it wasn't ever enough, was it?
You're an idiot. I did try, just so you know.
You loved me? Too fucking late.
Kthxbye. :)

*

Anyway, today was good.

Apparently, you care if I'm skipping classes or not.

Which is really cute.

For example;

"Don't you have class now?" *cue confused but cocky look*

"World Issues finished early." *smile*

"Oh. Okay. Don't be late for English. Or I'll tell him." *smiles back*

"I won't. I have to let everybody hear my great interpretation of Literature." *melting inside*

*laughs confusedly* "Um, what? Just don't be late."

I swear, I was swooning at your cuteness with every beat of my heart. It should be illegal everywhere for you to be so damn cute. :)

*

American Idol today, and Siobhan did...

ANY MAN OF MINE.

Which is, like, my favorite Shania Twain song.

Along with a few others.

I haven't seen Siobhan's version yet but I'm sure everyone else did an epic fail,

bar MamaSox, whom I love.

(I swear, I ship Siobhan and Crystal; they should have babies).

MamaSox rocks. :)

*

Okay, I'm off to take my late afternoon nap for a little bit.

WAIT. There's this guy in college, also doing CIMP.

And he looks like Rafael Nadal. He's cute. :) Very cute, very.

But you know what?

You're cuter. And I think I could fall in love with you.

Frigging adorable. :) You had a pimple today.

I have this weird compulsion to touch your face all the time.

It is a sexy face. :)

*

Either way.

Someday, I'm gonna find someone extraextra special.

Who's gonna make me want to say something like this;

"I’d make the world record biggest sandwich if you asked me to.

I’d kick old granny in the tits.

I’d fill the rivers with panda pops.

I fucked up big time. I’m more than sorry.

I love you. You’re my whole world."

And I just hope my someone's you. :)

Pretty Iranian-Indian-Portuguese babies.

*

Okay, gonna sleep now.

Thought for the day;

The best way to make someone think that you don't care is act like you don't care.

They'll bring whatever it is up, eventually. :)

Or you could just get gone on someone else, that works, too.

*

than i ever thought i might.

I can't fight this feeling anymore. :)
I post more on my tumblr. kthxbye.

since i'm so decisive and all.

Well, here's the good news. I finally decided on my tattoo! :) Here's a picture of the rough outline thingy. I still don't know where I want it.Options are; down my left forearm, as a band around my ankle, on my back, just above my hipbone. Thoughts?

*

Um, okay. Amelia dared me to blog in BM, so I'm gonna do it. Just a little bit.

*

Hari ini bukannya suatu cerita dongeng. Saya amat letih, and kepala saya berasa seakan-akan meletup. Dahlah saya ada banyak stres dan pelbagai projek untuk disiapkan, terutamanya Isu Dunia.

Kerana saya memblog dalam Bahasa Melayu, saya boleh mendeklamasikan perasaan saya tentang seorang lelaki yang berasal dari negara yang berdekatan dengan India. Dua minggu lepas, dia telah memberitahu saya bahawa dia amat sukakan saya. Tetapi, malangnya, saya tidak sukakan dia seperti dia mahu.

Sekarang, keadaan amat kekok antara saya dengan dia.

*

Okay, I have a headache, that's about all I can manage.

Don't forget to come online and tell me what you think of my tattoo!

.blame math.

MATH MADE ME GAY.
Itu, dan tambahan pula, saya sudah kena disuka oleh seorang lelaki yang sangat, sangat menjijikkan.
(Okay, I know my BM sucks).
Anyway. I memorized my lines.
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS MADE ME GAY.
I'm gonna go around saying _________________ made me gay for a while. :)

it's all your fault.

Even though I've "stopped liking you", every time someone mentions your name, my head turns right toward him or her. It's like, every time I hear it, I think of all that we could have had, and all that could have happened, that didn't."

You. Me. FTW.

It's alright. :)

crush.Crush.CRUSH.

"Thanks to you, I know what I want, and I can’t go back.
I want to feel the way I did last night, everyday.
I want to be with someone that, ten years from now, makes my heart jump when I hear her key in the door.
That someone is you."

- Sheetal Sheth as Leyla in Shamim Sarif's I Can't Think Straight.

*

I loved that movie. *tear-streaked smile*

And I think I might love Shamim Sarif.

ADOPT ME PLEASE!

--interchangeable.

Today, the lines are blurred,
We’re both not as we find,
I know your sight’s unclear,
Maybe you’ve gone blind.

Not blaming you is hard,
And cold wars are vacuums,
No phone calls, don’t send cards,
So silence fills this room.

They say we make mistakes,
But I didn’t make you,
Still, I was never fake,
You didn’t see this through.

I never saw you like they did,
I didn’t want to judge,
To think, their horror following it;
Me wanting you so much.

Now you’ve come right out and said,
That your story’s new today,
But to see how much I'd bled,
To you, it was child's play.

But meant to be, it wasn’t, though,
I guess I’d had a clue,
All in all, I’m glad we’re so,
Interchangeable for you.

-- Stephanie Fernandez.

*

Yeah.

It's for who you think it is.

Also, it isn't.

*

Currently listening to: Dragonette - Competition.

...this is my song.

List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below).

1. Brandi Carlile

2. Aimee Mann

3. A Fine Frenzy

4. Alanis Morrissette

5. Jen Foster

6. Janis Joplin

7. Missy Higgins

8. Ingrid Michaelson

9. Dragonette

10. SohoDolls

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Ohgod, I so remember this. It was "Cry, Baby", and I only know it, because my dad used to sing it when I was younger and I cried, and piss me off.

What is your favorite song of 8?
"You and I", for sure. "I wanna do what bunnies do with you." How much more awesome does it get?

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
Holy shit. She's had some kind of impact on me. I want to date her, be her, sing with her, play backup in her band, tour with her, play pranks with her, meet her family...
And I'm so much happier because I know she exists in the world.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
Fuck you, I will see her live one day.

What is your favorite song by 7?
Hands down, "Warm Whispers". You know why? Because I am a sucker for anyone who can drawl the lyrics to a song like that.

Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
"Ashes and Wine", and "Almost Lover." Alison Sudol just has a way with words, okay. And she's friends with Brandi Carlile.

When did you first get into 2?
From Nick. He told me to download "Pavlov's Bell" by her, and I did. I liked it a lot, googled her and found out that she's Sean Penn's brother's wife, and downloaded a lot more of her stuff.
I haven't heard a song that I don't like yet.

How did you get into 3?
I actually can't remember. I heard "Almost Lover" first, when I was 16, and that was it, I guess. I heard most of her other stuff in quick succession.

Favorite song by 4?
"Hands Clean", because it sounds like my kind of relationship. "This could get messy; you don't seem to mind."

How many times have you seen 9 live?
TWICE. It was E P I C.

What is a good memory concerning 10?
Nick, Naz and I giggling drunkenly and an a semi-stoned manner about filming a video for "Stripper". And then talking about how Malaysia doesn't have strip-clubs.

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
"Maybe", but just a little bit. She's so happy all the time.

Favorite song of 1?
Fuck you, survey. It's so unfair to make me answer this question. Everytime I hear her voice, I want to _______________ (insert dirty thought of your choice here) with her.
Okay, okay, okay. Seriously? "Us Again".

How did you become a fan of 10?
I'm a pervert. They have a song called "Stripper", where the lyrics go, "What money I had is in your thong." How do you think I became a fan? *rolls eyes*

What is the last song you heard by 5?
"Venice Beach." It makes me sad.

--if this happened, i'd be homophobic.

Apparently, Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian.

Um, no.

E P I C F A I L.

But anyway.

Click here to read.

(Amelie Mauresmo is hot, okay, do not ever compare her to Justin jackassholefucktardencybucketofvomit Bieber).

Um, okay, I'm done now.

And Amelie?

I love you and miss you a whole lot.

Why'd you go, silly? :(

...and how not to look back, even if no one believes us.

“What’re you looking for?”
“I’m looking for the Steph I used to know. Where is she?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I hate what you’re becoming.”
“I’m not becoming anything.”
“Yes, you are. You’re changing, and I don’t like it.”
“People change, okay, shut the fuck up.”
“So you’re changing now?”
“No, I am not. Go away.”
“I want you to remember something.”
“What? Bookshelf?”
“What?!”
“You said something, so anything la.”
“You’re so stupid. Shut up first, and listen. Are you listening?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You’re my favorite. And no matter what anyone says, I love you.”

*

And I swear, that’s all it took me to change my outlook on this week.
Because I’m your favorite. And you love me.
I think I can trust someone who’s known me their whole life.
So.
Just in case you’re reading this (which you probably won’t, because you don’t like reading);
Thank you.
It meant so much for me, to hear you say that.
And I’m going to be someone you can look up to.
I promise.

*

Apart from that, currently back to Brandi C, and listening to her Save All Your Goodbyes.

*

I should try to not be so bitter all the time.

...swore that she'd respect me in the morning

I wanna know if I could be,
Someone to turn to,
That could never hurt you;
But I know what you think of me,
You had a breakthrough,
And now I'm just bad news for you.
-- Yellowcard; Keeper.

*

I've been up late writing books,

All about heroes and crooks,

One of them saves you from this,

The other one steals you and then,

All sure things fall,

All sure things fall.

...

He can take you all the way to church this time,

But don't forget you summed it up in 50 lines.

-- Yellowcard; Sure Thing Falling.

*

Waking up from this nightmare,

How's your life; what's it like there?

Is it all what you want it to be?

Does it hurt when you think about me,

And how broken my heart is?

...

Take you away from that empty apartment,

You stay and forget where the heart is,

Someday if ever you loved me,

You'd say it's okay.

-- Yellowcard; Empty Apartment.

*

Um, okay, I've started listening to my Yellowcard albums again. I have to rip them to my MP3 player.

Especially those three.

Fucking amazing.

Oh, oh, and guess what?

Jen Foster, one of my favorites ever, released this song, "I Didn't Just Kiss Her", (click to listen) which is like, this parody of Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" (which was an EPIC FAIL).

*

"She's saying she only kissed me for the boy's attention,

She's trying to blame it on a little too much booze,

But I can testify she knew what she was doing,

It was almost like she's done it all before.
She's gonna go back to her boyfriend now,

Before the questions come up,

She's gonna tell 'em I'm stalking her round the clock,

Like I'm making the story up.
Bitch..."

*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And the way she kind of mutters, "...bitch!" under her breath is too fucking cute.

Okay, okay, gonna go sleep for a while now, since the cleaners are coming later and sleeping through the cleaners would be an EPIC FAIL.

(by the way, I think only Alwy and I are the ones who say, "EPIC FAIL!", "WIN!" and "PWNED!" out loud.

Oh, well.

S'nice. :)

Anyway, today was pure shit. Please let tomorrow be better. My manicure got kind of fucked up.

...la camisa negra.

Currently listening to: Didi Benami's Playing With Fire; Studio Version.
Currently watching: Tipping the Velvet.

*

For one thing, I need to stop playing with fire because;

1. no good can come out of it.

2. I could get third-degree burns and die.

*

I'm turning 18 in a few months.

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I know what I want to do with my life.

And I'm working towards that dream.

So that I can sit around in my pajamas all day.

Just like that girl in I Can't Think Straight.

(I keep confusing Tala and Leyla; meh, whatever).

*

But there, there's that word again.

My dream.

And knowing what I want to do with my life.

*

Personally, I don't think it's wrong.

Nope, to me, it's not wrong, at all.

Because I have so much to learn; I'm young.

*

But it is not wrong, really.

It's not wrong for me to want you to be there, in my dream.

To be a part of my life.

*

No, I'm not trying to justify anything, or myself to anyone.

Because, (refer to above notes), I don't have anything to prove.

*

Please let June come quickly.

...monday evening, and I really need to see you.

But you're afraid

Of something different;

I'm afraid

This could be perfect.

*

Now I'm hoping you love me,

And I'm thinking it

Might be my turn,

I think you're perfect,

Almost perfect,

And maybe I might love you.

*

Don't be afraid

Of something different;

I think

This might be perfect.

-- Jeremy Ashida; Only If.

*

ME: *walks out of English class, drink in hand*

WE: *talk*

ME: *laughs, almost dropping drink; drink spills a little* Dude. See!

YOU: Not my fault. *faking hurt*

ME: *thinks* Oh, darling, you're so cute, marry me already.

*

Today was good. Except for getting a whacking from Mina (who will kill me, seriously, why are you laughing, she will kill me; hah!), which made my shoulder hurt up till now. Woman's fucking scary, okay, don't mess with her. :)

What else to say?

My day had lots of Chewable in it today. Ohdearlord, there is someone up there who knows I'm doing my MDM homework and thinks I'm a good kid who deserves rewarding.

Fire drill sucked; I should've gone to Pink with Aruna. Le sigh.

Okay, more tomorrow, if I feel like it.

*

And do you know what? Our babies would be the cutest-ever Indian-Portuguese-Iranian little things. With the Chewable-ness.

*thinks, smiles*

Awh, hell yeah.

--and make you like it.

Your face reminds me of a flower,

Kind of like you're underwater;

Hair's too long and in your eyes,

Your lips, a perfect "suck me" size,

You act like you're fourteen years old,

Everything you say is so

Obnoxious, funny, true and mean.

I want to be your blowjob queen.

-- Liz Phair; Flower.

wonderful things = this, and you.

Uh-huh. :) Awh, hell yeah.

*

Let me tell you a little bit about how I did my World Issues News Report. As usual, I procrastinated.

I started over the holiday week; Monday, to be exact, and as I was researching stuff about Shahar Peer, I was...

...reading my online copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire.

...talking to lots of people; mostly President Farid, Alwy, Sarosh and Helen.

...harrassing Chewable over facebook, which is why I think facebook is awesome.

...getting harrassed back by Chewable, which made my time-wasting and procrastinating totally worth it.

...talking to Nick on the phone and planning our lepak-sessions at night.

...downloading stuff off Ares.

...watching completely pointless videos on youtube.

*

BUT.

I got it done, by about 1:30 (yes, in the morning), by Monday, the next week.

And I was so fucking nervous (you can't swear in World Issues, or you get penalized), that I didn't eat anything except half a peanut-butter-chocolate-marshmallow cookie that Hanisah gave me.

I sat outside class for about half-an-hour and talked to Hanson, who is so nice, but really quiet.

(And I was praying that Ameera wouldn't come).

Eventually, it was time for me to step up to the front of the class and face the gallows projector.

It was completely nerve-wracking (I like exaggerating a little bit), as I plugged Daddy's pendrive (because he stole mine) into the computer, with no sign of Ameera.

Hanson smiled. "You must be happy, she's not here."

I stood up there for about an hour and fifteen minutes, and I have no idea what I talked about; yeah, it's either I'm so full of shit that I can't remember, or that I was completely out of it, and couldn't remember anything, either.

*

But whatever, on with what happened the next day.

Blahblahblah, first two periods, then, World Issues quiz.

BANGBANGBANG.

Got up to leave, dropped off my paper with Ms. Nancy and she handed me my News Report rubric (yes, that is the picture up there).

I, being me, put it into my World Issues textbook, where I stuff everything for easy access. Went back to my seat, scribbled down the homework assignment, stood up to leave again, and shouted/whispered, "Thanks, Miss!" to Ms. Nancy.

She gave me a weird look, pointed to my textbook, shrugged and, when I shrugged back, in my, "Um, what?" way, she called me over.

Ms. Nancy: Did you look at it?

Me: Um, no? *sheepishly*

Ms. Nancy: Look at it! *smiles*

Me: Okay... *opens book, jaw drops open* Holy sh... Uh, I mean, thanks, Miss! Really. I, um, wow.

Ms. Nancy: Good job. *winks*

Me: *walks out of class, grinning from ear-to-ear and bouncing off the walls*

*

And that, my friends, was that. :)

Surprisingly, after my mid-term report, I'm scoring higher on World Issues than I am for English.

Maths, well, I'm getting there.

But I am HAPPY.

WAAAAAAUGH.

Thank you, Lacey Stone, for making me want to SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD.

*

Ask me why if you want to.

I'm not gonna explain here.

I don't care.

Okay, that's a huge lie.

Whatever.

Gonna sleep now; it's stupid o'clock.

--angels and demons.

Stephanie:
Aruna!
:D

Aruna:
STEPHANIEEE !!
:D
haha

Stephanie:
you so have to check out what I posted on *coughcoughcough*'s wall.

Aruna:
i dont have her as a friend
so how ?

Stephanie:
awh, shit
see if you can click on this link or something.

Aruna:
HAHHAH
omg shit funy
LMFAO

Stephanie:
I know right!!!
xD
Dude.
I don't wanna go on Monday.

Aruna:
i'll pray for you
shes gonna bite your head off

Stephanie:
and kick my ass so hard I'll shit through my mouth for one week, probably
o.O
what have I done?!

Aruna:
fuck hahahha
poor thing
you just had to tease the devil

Stephanie:
Her or me?!
I know, right, damn smart person I am.

Aruna:
her, hahahaah
your a geinus

Stephanie:
I know.
But then again, she probably won't be able to kill me
because god always beats the devil. :P

Aruna:
HAHAHAH
true true
but not when the devil is her

Stephanie:
but, if I push her off the building before she can get me...
...GAME OVER.
I win.

Aruna:
HAHAH ouchhh
but make sure its the third floor and not the first

Stephanie:
Oh, yeah.
btw, this is SO going on my blog
(without her name, of course)

Aruna:
HAHAH yess pls if not im gonna die on monday too
IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE !!!

Stephanie:
HAHAHA
Yeah! And I still have the message to spread!
...I don't know what message yet, but I'll find one.

Aruna:
HAHAHA
knowing you it wont even be a meaningful
message

Stephanie:
probably not. :D

Aruna:
it would be something like sex drugs for all

Stephanie:

No, it would be like, "Brush your teeth every day... and don't forget to bring your parents' copy for the Karma Sutra to school!"

Aruna:
hahahahahh
ya so true

*

FUCKING EPIC.

If I don't blog from Monday onwards... at least you know why now. :)

--I used to be open-minded, but my brains kept falling out.

Six years ago, I didn't really like myself. (There, I said it). Six years ago, I was this;

Six years ago, if you had told me that I'd have friends like these, who put my underwear on their heads, I would've said you were talking crap.

If you had told me that I'd grow up to have alcohol for breakfast, I'd say, "But I don't like alcohol."

If you had told me that I'd go for World Youth Day in Sydney, I would've told you, "But I don't want to go alone."

If you had told me that I'd go on-stage at a formal school function and sing a song about pornography, I'd have laughed and said, "That sounds like something I'll do... in my dreams!"

If you had said that Nick would become a huge part of my life again, I'd probably be indifferent, but how I love him, now.

If you had told me that I'd overcome my stage-fright and play my violin in front of actual, living, breathing people, I would die of fright.

If you told me that I'd actually finish my Art Project, I wouldn't say anything, I'd just laugh in your face.

If you'd told me that I'd wear a pair of beat-up, awesome Darth Vader Converse to school, I'd say that Converse sucked because I had to tie laces.

If you told me that Confirmation was just around the corner, I'd moan and groan and bitch about how I had to attend Sunday School.

If you had told me that I'd actually enjoy Science class, and go on to score an A in it for SPM, I would've given you an excuse about how I hated the Periodic Tables.

If you had said that I'd endure a journey of many hours, squashed in the back of a van, just to see my grandfather's old house, I'd tell you that I had better things to do with my life.

If you had told me that I'd drink more alcohol than I'd drink water, I wouldn't have wanted to talk to you ever again, because you would be a bad influence.

If you said I'd crash a buggy outside my dad's Fraser's Hill house, I'd say, "But my dad doesn't have a Fraser's Hill house!"

If you had said that I'd wear a baju kurung and the heaviest eye-makeup in the world to graduation, I would've said, "But odds are I'm not gonna graduate, anyway."

If you had said that I'd wear a dress and three-inch heels, with Kar Weng as my date, and dance like a maniac at Betchh's prom, I would've said that I don't do proms.

If you had said I'd finish school, only to sit down at MDM class every morning, I would've smacked you for cursing me that way.

And if you'd told me I'd smile a lot during MDM, I'd have smacked you even harder.

If you said I'd make out with Rafael Nadal in a shopping mall, I'd have told you, quite plainly, that it would be impossible.

If you told me I'd trade in my five years at Bukit Jalil to have one year in Sunway, I wouldn't have wanted to.

If you had said that I'd grow up to be even louder and more obnoxious than I already am, I would've claimed that it would be impossible.

But I did.

And I have.

And I am.

And things have never been better.

--and they were dating. 0.o

Alwy says:
back
He said like Alwy what r u doing here?
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
then?
"Eating, duh. Sudah buta ke?"
Alwy says:
LOL close close
"I don't know, eating i guess?"
This is my wife insertpunjabinamehere
i was like WHAT>
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

***
Alwy says:
no He sits beside me table and dates her
so after 5 minutes i just leave that place and went to carls junior
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
OMG.
He was just sitting there and they were dating, in front of you!
that is so traumatizing!
Alwy says:
LOL!!!
but his wife looks young u know
(or is it my eyes i don't know)
I thought she was waiting for her boyfriend or smthg then suddenly Mr. English came =_=
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, it's official. In English class, I sit next to the funniest Indonesian guy, ever.