.is she or isn't she.

So. Ms. Lewis wants to be a screenwriter. Her first one's a laugh. Check it.



SCENE:

EXT. STREET

KIRSTEN, beautiful but timid, walks down the street.

KIRSTEN (VOICE OVER): There was something in the air there. It was flowing into her- slowly, these mysterious new feelings began pumping through her veins, and she got closer to transformation with every breath...

INT. STARBUCKS

The café in Mid Valley is busy and abuzz. ADERYN - quirky and cute, SIERRA - awkward but adorable, and SKYE - the low-key lothario, sit around a table sipping coffee.

SIERRA: I guess I just can't read women's vibes. Or, maybe they can't read my vibes?

ADERYN: Are you kidding? You're gay as a cheerleader. Literally.

SKYE: Everyone has gaydar. You just have to tune in.

SIERRA (pointing to the doorway): What about her?

KIRSTEN stands in the doorway of Starbucks. Lit perfectly, wind blowing through herhair, frozen in the pivotal moment.

KIRSTEN (VOICE OVER): She crossed the threshold of Starbucks, opening a door to a place within herself she never thought she'd explore.

ADERYN and SKYE look at each other and smile.

SIERRA: I have a feeling I'm not prepared for this...

Fast-paced spy movie music begins to play. ADERYN and SKYE get in Charlie's Angels formation. They stand back-to-back, holding their Gaydars (which resemble radar guns used by the police) like guns. SIERRA, awkwardly standing next to them, shapes her hand like a gun, but then rolls her eyes, feeling ridiculous.

SKYE: Target found.

KIRSTEN is locked in the bull's-eye-shaped viewfinder resembling that of night goggles. SKYE and ADERYN point their Gaydars at her, soft static signaling that the devices are picking up a signal.

ADERYN: I'm getting a reading of a 5...

SKYE: A 5?

SIERRA: ...One percent of the number of women you've slept with...

SKYE glares at SIERRA.

The static noise stops, and ADERYN smacks her Gaydar in frustration.

ADERYN: Our Gaydars aren't working!

SKYE: Looks like we'll have to see if she fits the profile one stereotype at a time...

SKYE does a number of somersaults and spy-like maneuvers and parks herself in acovert location, zeroing in on KIRSTEN. ADERYN, standing next to SIERRA, speaks into a mobile phone.

ADERYN: Nails!?

The bull's-eye freezes on KIRSTEN'S hand.

SKYE (whispering into her mobile phone) Short, but polished...

ADERYN writes on a clipboard.

ADERYN: Could go either way... Hair!?

The bull's-eye freezes on KIRSTEN'S flowing blonde mane.

SKYE (whispering into her mobile phone) Long, but un-styled...

ADERYN: Toss up!... Walk?!

The bull's-eye freezes on KIRSTEN'S still body.

SKYE (whispering into her mobile phone): She's standing still!

SIERRA (leaning in to add her two cents): ...Whether or not she likes sports?...

ADERYN: SIERRA! How could we possibly tell that just by looking at her?

SIERRA: I'm so bad at this!

SKYE (whispering into her mobile phone): Abort phase one!

SIERRA holds up a giant poster of Angelina Jolie.

KIRSTEN doesn't notice it.

SIERRA: She didn't even flinch...

ADERYN looks at SIERRA like she is ridiculous and grabs the poster, locking eyes with Angelina, who is hard to resist, even in 2D form.

ADERYN: Hey there, good lookin'...

KIRSTEN walks over to the Starbucks counter. ADERYN perks up as an idea pops into her head.

ADERYN (to SIERRA): Let's search the forum!

ADERYN opens up her laptop. On the screen, an extremely elaborate, complex web worthy of Spiderman connects a large number of names.

SIERRA: Shouldn't you add the men you've been with, ADE?

ADERYN: Can it, SIERRA!

Their eyes furiously search the incredibly complex web, lost.

ADERYN: OK! Here we go...

ADERYN'S excitement fades.

ADERYN: Dammit! We don't know her name...

SIERRA rolls her eyes.

ADERYN: I didn't think we'd have to, but we're bringing out the big guns...

SIERRA: What? Oh no...

SKYE begins to strut across the restaurant, fixed on KIRSTEN like a lion eying his next meal.

ADERYN: She'd have to be straight as an arrow to resist SKYE. Better women have stripped as soon as she glanced their way...

SIERRA and ADERYN watch SKYE in awe. She swaggers in slow motion, turning customer's heads. Suddenly, her head turns to the side, concentration lost.


SKYE: Hold up.


A SEXY GIRL walks by, smiling at SKYE. SEXY GIRL curves her hand in the shape of a phoneand raises it to her face and mouths, "Call me." SKYE smiles at her and nods. SIERRA rolls her eyes and brings her cellphone up to her lips.


SIERRA: Guys, looks like we're going to need back up.


INT. STREET


A sleek car speeds up to the café and stops. It's doors shoot open. Out walk MARION, wearing a sophisticated I-mean-business suit, and SANDI who is both moody and motherly.


INT. STARBUCKS


MARION: Sorry we're late. I had to fire six people and finish a conference call with my manager. At the same time.


SANDI: And I was out looking for sperm...


Everyone stops and stares at SANDI.


SANDI: ...You know, because we're trying to find a donor to make a baby with... Not because I'm still attracted to men or anything...


MARION: So what's the 411?


ADERYN: We're trying to determine the preference of the brunette by the counter.


ADERYN points to KIRSTEN, whose back is turned so the ladies cannot see her face. She turns around slowly, and sees them staring at her.


KIRSTEN (VOICE OVER): She could feel their eyes burning through her skin. She felt bare-boned and helpless, her insides translucent, allowing them to see...


SANDI: Oh, that's KIRSTEN, our neighbor. She lives with Tom.


SKYE: That means everything and nothing.

SIERRA: Yeah, some bisexuals do have relationships with men, ADERYN.


ADERYN: SIERRA! Seriously!

MARION: So you're saying she might be parading as something she's not, ready to break the heart of her longterm lover at the whim of her oscillating sexuality?

SANDI: Not that there'd be anything wrong with that...

SIERRA looks out the window and her jaw drops.

INT. STARBUCKS

A large group of model-like women wearing nothing but lingerie stand outside holding agiant banner that reads, "WE LOVE YOU, SKYE!"

INT. STARBUCKS

SKYE notices and shrugs.

SKYE: Whatever.

ADERYN: I pride myself on knowing the sexual history of every woman who walks through that door, but she's new here. That explains why she wouldn't be on the chart...

MARION: Why is it so important for you to believe that the lesbian community is so interconnected it can be tracked, and that every uncategorized woman is waiting to be saved from the clutches of heterosexual hierarchy?

ADERYN: ...Because it's fun?

KRISTEN watches the women laughing.

KRISTEN (VOICE OVER): Was her imagination blurring reality, or had they been discussing her sexuality? Or was it her who beginning to question?

KRISTEN takes a step towards them as the scene fades to black.