-heehee

Kuzzy: "So this girl came up to me and gave me her number!"
Amé: Uh-huh...
Kuzzy: "Well, I was like, er, wow, er, ummmmm, like what do I do?"
Amé: *Laughs*
Kuzzy: " I mean she was really fit!"
Amé (smiling): "Oh yeah?"
Kuzzy: "Yeah, really..."
Amé: "You give her some Special K?"
Kuzzy (playing with sock): "No, I'm such a dork when it comes to that kinda thing, maybe you could give me some pointers, a few chat up lines, teach me the wink...what do you think?"
Amé (laughing)" Oh, you have much to learn young Padewan!"

Best of Me

Best of Me


I was made the wrong way,
Won't you do me the right way,
Where you gonna be tonight,
Cause I won't stay too long.
Okay, I know I haven't blogged for like, the whole week, but I've been ffffahk busy. I mean, come on, give me a break, the Australian Open's going on, and I've been busy supporting Dinara "Banana Monster" Safina, since Amelie's been knocked out by Victoria "Bitchface Pussy" Azarenka. I've also had tuition four out of the five days that we had holidays, not to mention this totally stupid Sunday School project. Why the hall do they even bother giving us projects? You know, the other day, the Sunday School class was in session, and Melinder, Ashqinn and Tanya, etc., (those people, you get the picture) were talking about how they'd like to come back and help after we've done our Confirmation, and I was pretty much like, "Fuck my dog five hundred times. I'm not coming back to this hellhole." You can't blame me, I absolutely hate being forced into something. Ten years from now, Sarah can just take Laith, Cayenne, Shane, Alyssa, Jourdain, Regan, Riley, Kipling, Allegra and Kierstyn (my kids) to church.
Maybe you're the light for me,
When you talk to me it strikes me,
Won't somebody help me,
Cause I don't feel too strong.
A lot of stuff happened during this week, some good and some bad (and I might blog about it when it all settles down), and I haven't even had Chinese New Year dinner with my godparents. I went jogging (or walking and talking) with Helen on Monday and Tuesday morning, and I tell you, it was so much fun. We definitely have to do it during the next holidays. Pretty much, we walked around the park for about an hour and a half, give or take, just randomly talking and crapping as usual. Couldn't come back home and sleep, though, because I had tuition on Monday pretty much right after that. The tuition teacher's crazy, I tell you. I'll post a couple of quotes from Wednesday's tuition class here later, and then you people who just read my blog and don't take tuition with me can feel my pain and sympathize with me for what I have to go though every fucking goddamn week. I bet you'll be thanking whatever god you believe in (or maybe Ellen DeGeneres, like I do) that you don't take tuition with me.
Was it something that I said,
Was it something that I did,
Or the combination of both that did me wrong.
NICK: Uh, hey, Steph, what's that chick's name, again? You know, that one.
ME: Oh, it's _______.
NICK: That's a whore's name.
ME: *dies laughing*
and not forgetting:
NICK: Let's go out tomorrow! Morning till four. Or something.
ME: I've got tuition, hon. But you'll be there, right?
NICK: No... I'm inviting you on behalf of the Sunway Pyramid management. It's part of their "Ohmygod-we-don't-have-enough-customers" programme.
ME: *dies laughing*
You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
Though it's not your favorite song,
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say,
You know that some of us spin again,
When you do, you need a friend,
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me,
And I hate the thought of finally being erased,
Baby that's the best of me.
Did you guys know, Nick talks in his sleep. It's damn funny, and I nearly puked last night, trying not to laugh. I could have sworn that he was bullshitting, but when I woke him up, he had this innocent look on his face (oh, and he was pissed as hell that I woke him up). I haven't been clubbing in like, a week, and I'm pretty damn proud of myself. Instead, I've been indulging in healthy recreational activities, such as going to Helen's house and watching more and more tennis every day. Today, we saw one gorgeous lady make the finals, Dinara Mikhailkova Safina, and one butt-ugly gorilla to play her, Serena Fatass Williams. Also, congrats to Roger Federer, who'll play gorgeous Rafael Nadal in the finals (who doesn't love that absolutely beautiful boy?). I swear, Rafa's prettier than some of the women on the WTA tour. For example, Serena Williams. What the heck was god on when he made her? He must've been pissed.
Everything's behind you,
But the hope still stands beside you,
Living in every moment,
Have I wasted all your time.
"Your parents are very polite."
"Huh? Sorry, pardon?"
"Your parents are very polite."
"Pardon???"
"Your parents are very polite."
"Uh, pardon?"
"Your parents are very polite."
"Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, they are."
.
"Okay, type in your password now!"
"What did you say? Don't talk to me like that!"
"Sorry, sorry... I didn't mean it like that. *mutters* I am trying to help you!"
Was there something that I said,
Was there something that I did,
Or the combination I broke that did me have.
Anyway, I have tuition tomorrow, and I'm very tired. Also, I'm posting pictures from our outing the other day, so you can imagine how I'm blogging two posts down at once. I'll blog again tomorrow or something, after washing my hair. Enjoy what's left of your holidays, support Dinara Safina (and don't forget to yell, "Davai Dinara!" at your TV screen while she's playing), and throw rotten fruit and used condoms at Serena Williams, because god was obviously in a bad mood when he made her.
You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
Though it's not your favorite song,
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say,
You know that some of us spin again,
When you do, you need a friend,
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me,
And I hate the thought of finally being erased,
Baby that's the best of me,
Baby that's the best of me.

Lots of love,
Stephanie Mauresmo-Safina (just for the Aussie Open).

--teenagers are bitches

Helen: Roger Federer is a lizard.

Sarah -- before the lizard scare.

Gorgeous boys, I tell you.

ME: Yup, Amelie. Keep going.

Playing Charades. Like, duh.

Helen: lykezomg I totally *heart* Roger.

her: lykezomgwhytf can't they guess properly?

them: lykezomgwtf is she trying to say?

All of us: lykezomgwtf is she trying to say?

Another bad Charades shot.

Photo-stalking Kiran.

Ducati mannn.

US: You... are... a... gorilla... No? Okay, fine. You are... Serena Williams!

*wipes drool*

Sings: One step at a tiiiiime....*cough*

Idunnowtfthey'redoing.

"Jesus, Roger keeps texting me. Stupid clingy fella. He thinks I'm Mirka or what?"

Helen: "Roger! I see him!"

Boys and girls are bitches.

Thanks to the Parksons sunnies department.

We are bitches, they are fun.

Sarah R and her sister.

Wannabe gangster bitches. Serena Williams, eat your heart out.

"Yeah, Amelie. I love you, too."

More group shots.

Groupshot.

And another.

Big grins from everyone.

Sarah has no life.

Blessing and Lovely. Not so much of a Blessing, but...

.of Amelie and Dirtnote

Last night, Nick, Naz and I were sitting around, discussing random stuff and generally being stupid and getting drunk. We were playing this new drinking game that we came up with -- naming it "Maurendez." Yeah, sorry, that's the best we could come up with. Anyway, the game goes like this: Every time Steph mentions Amelie, everyone has to take a drink, passing around the bottles. That lovely evening, we had a couple of bottles of sahti (which is this really cool beer from Finland), a six-pack of pulque, home-made sangria, Schnapps, and Kahlua! You can probably imagine how drunk we were by the time everything was over.
Anyway, I started naming five words that describe Amelie with every letter of the alphabet (can you imagine how upset I am by her loss at the Australian Open to Victoria Azarenka Shithead?), and by the time I got to "S", Nick and Naz were helping me. This is what we came up with, while sounding scarily a lot like Ana Ivanovic.
ME: *drunkenly emotional* Symbol of all that is good.
NICK: *excitedly* I have one! Sight to behold!
ME: "Simone's-my-middle-name."
NAZ: *laughs like crazy*Stephanie's property.
NICK: Spaghetti-carbonara-lover.
ME: Sun-screen lotion applier to her is my dream job.
NAZ: I have a good one -- searcher for meaning.
ME: Serves volleys to perfection. Well. She used to.
NAZ: Spins her opponents around.
NICK: Slice-shot extraordinaire.
ME: Saluted by all. And salud, babeh. *drinks*
NICK: Stylish as hell.
NAZ: Smile that can make Steph laugh.
NICK: Statuesque
ME: Sharapova-beater.
NAZ: *laughs like crazy again* Should marry Steph.
ME: Shoulders and arms beyond compare.
NICK: Sweeps Steph off her feet -- the only person known to do so.
ME: Siesta with her would be the tastiest fiesta.
NICK: *rolls eyes* Shudder at the thought of her.
NAZ: Simply irresistible.
ME: *pathetically* Svetlana's friend! Oh, oh, and sexy!

God, these people definitely know how to make me feel better. I love these two like hell and I'd probably off myself without them.

.reasons why I love Amelie

I love she way she smiles. Even if it's awful.

I love the way she walks.

I love her eyes.

I love her stomach.

Because her pain is my pain.

Because she's half-naked most of the time.

Because France is awesome.

Because she's got beautiful hair.

Because her grin turns me on.

Because she smells nice.

Because no-one rides motorbikes like she does.

Because she can wear anything and look stunning.

.believe

Bravely I look further than I see,
Knowing things I know I cannot be,
Not now.
I'm so aware of where I am,
But I don't know where that is,
And there's something right in front of me,
And I,
Touch the fingers of my hand,
And I wonder if it's me,
Holding on and on to,
Theories of prosperity,
Someone who can promise me,
I believe in me.
Tomorrow I was nothing,
Yesterday I'll be,
Time has fooled me into thinking,
It's a part of me,
Nothing in this room but empty space,
No me, no world, no mind, no face,
Touch the fingers of my hand,
And tell me if it's me,
Holding on and on to Love,
What else is real,
A religion that appeals to me,
I believe in me.
Can you turn me off for just a second, please,
Turn me into something,
Faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless,
Vacuum state of peace.
On and on and on and on,
I believe in me,
On and on and on and on,
I believe in me.
Wait for me,
I'm nothing on my own,
I'm willing to go on,
But not alone,
Not now,
I'm so aware of everything,
But nothing seems for real and,
As long as you're in front of me then,
I'llI watch the fingers of our hands,
And I'm grateful that it's me,
Holding on and on and on and on,
I believe in me.

I believe in you. Why don't you believe in yourself?

--apples and bananas.

The last person to tag you is?
This weird girl I know, I think her name is Shoelegcar.
What relationship do you have with her?
Like I said, she's this weird girl who hangs out with this normal girl, Ashqinn, a lot.
Your 5 impressions towards her:
i. weird.
ii. obsessive.
iii. sensitive.
iv. freaky (at times)
v. okay, she makes good brownies, I'll give her that.
The most memorable thing that she has done for you?
Made me brownies that Naz and Jaeda stole.
The most memorable thing that she has said to you.
"Babi, la you."
If she becomes your lover, you will...
Probably die. Or run away. At least I'd approve of myself, since I'm not a Mamak.
If she becomes your enemy, you will...
*shrugs* Drink Bailey's and get on with my life?
If she becomes your lover, she has to improve on...
She is not becoming my lover. Deal, bitches.
If she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
I made Ashqinn and everyone else laugh with my racist jokes.
The most desirable thing you want to do to her...
Ask her to get a better other half? I don't know.
The overall impression of her is...
This weird girl who cries a lot and has funny hair.
How do you think the people around you feel about you?
"Hahahahahahaha, whatever she says, it's funny!"
The character for yourself is?
Read my "About Me" section.
On the contrary, the thing you hate about yourself is?
The fact that I'm not with Amelie Mauresmo?
The most ideal person you want to be is?
Marie de Villepin. But it'd be cool to be Natalie Portman, too! Or Ellen DeGeneres.
Pick a loved one and say something about them.
Amelie Simone Mauresmo. Ohgod, I love this woman with all my heart and I would give the world and my very expensive violin to be able to have five minutes alone with her.
Ten people to tag:
.Aisyah
.Amanda
.Amy
.Pik Ee
.Eusoff
.Katrina
.Vivien
.Portia DeRossi
.Amelie Mauresmo
.Your mother
Who is no.2 having relationship with?
Some dude at school.
Is no.3 a female or a male?
Female, la, duh.
If no.7 and no.10 were to get together would it be a good thing?
Vivien and your mother? Go to hell.
How about no.5 and 8?
Yeah, why not? She's hot, he's definitely a cutie.
What is no.1 studying for?
SPM.
When was the last time you chatted with them?
At school today.
Is no.4 single?
Yeah.
Talk about no.2.
She's this hilarious chick who loves funny youtube videos and comes to school to tell me about them. Her sister's this boy called Eugena.

-fin-

Pavlov's Bell

Pavlov's Bell

Oh, Mario,
Sit here by the window,
Stay here till we reach Idaho,
And when we go,
Hold my hand on take-off,
Tell me what I already know,
That we can't talk about it,
No, we can't talk about it.
Courtesy of Nick, I've been listening to Aimee Mann quite a bit lately. He told me to download this one, and I thought that it'd be one of the songs that sits in my laptop's hard-drive, but I listened to a preview, and it's absolutely fucking brilliant. I think this should be the song for the Australian Open this year. Speaking of the Australian Open, there've been quite a few casualties, and some of them have been quite shocking. Seeded players who have fallen are as follows: (WTA) Venus Williams, Agnieszka Radwanska, Patty Schnyder, Anna Chakvetadze, Daniela Hantuchova, Agnes Szavay, Sybille Bammer, Kaia Kanepi, Ai Sugiyama, Maria Kirilenko, Francesca Schiavone, Aleksandra Wozniak and Tamarine Tanasugarn. I feel sorry for Tamarine -- she's been one of my favorites since Wimbledon last year.
Because nobody knows,
That's how I nearly fell,
Trading clothes,
And ringing Pavlov's Bell,
History shows,
There's not a chance in hell.
As for the guys on the ATP, the fallen are as follows: David Nalbandian, David Ferrer, Robin Soderling, Ivo Karlovic, Feliciano Lopez, Paul-Henri Mathiu, Dmitry Tursonov, Rainer Schuettler and Philipp Kohlschreiber. Has anyone noticed that the seeded men to fall are a lot less than the seeded women? This is pretty damn obvious, and the WTA rankings fluctuate a lot more than the men's, too. And it seems that everyone's supporting Rafa! Even when Kar Weng and I were talking, both yesterday and this afternoon, he was like, "Rafa." and so was I (he's never won on a hard-court before, so I want him to ave this one!). Arif, Naz, Nick, Bianca are all for Rafa. Still, Helen's rubbed off on me a little, since this little bit of my heart wants Roger Federer to get it, too, to show that he can salvage what's left of his career.
But, oh, Mario,
We're only to Ohio,
It's kinda getting harder,
To breathe,
I won't let it show,
I'm all about denial,
But can't denial let me believe,
That we could talk about it,
But we can't talk about it.
As for Amelie, she's been working her ass off over there in Australia, and I've been getting more and more obsessed with each match she plays. Still, she's got one helluva draw, I'll tell you that! In the third round, she's got Victoria "Vika" Azarenka (death to that bitch -- I don't know anything about her except that she's damn ugly) and when (note that I said "when" and not "if" because I have faith in my Ame!) she makes it past Vika, she's got Serena "Fats" Williams (I'm still hoping she gets her ass kicked by Shuai Peng from China, so Amelie doesn't have to play the Fats). After that, if everything goes as it's supposed to, Amelie has Svetlana Kuznetsova, her best friend on the whole entire WTA. Hey, if you put me across the court from Helen at the Australian Open, I'd wipe it with her, but Amelie's more sensitive than I am (isn't everybody?), so she'll have trouble with Sveta. Thennnn, after Sveta, she has Elena Dementieva. What kind of a name is "Dementieva"? Doesn't it sound demented? After Demented, Amelie plays Jelena Jankovic or Dinara Safina (I can't decide which) and the she's the Queen of Australia! Again! While I keep my reign as Queen of the Autistic. There is a difference, you know.
Because nobody knows,
That's how I nearly fell,
Trading clothes,
And ringing Pavlov's Bell,
History shows,
But rarely shows it well.
Anyway, school's been a total bitch. Take, for instance, this conversation that happened yesterday, after recess. The gorgeous Ng Boon Kyan was holding this piece of paper that had "BOIKOT BARANGAN ISRAEL" on it, which I thought was just stupid. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love Jews. Sarah Silverman, Joshua Bell and hottashell Natalie Portman.
ME: Eh, Boon Kyan! Gimme! *folds paper so it reads "BARANGAN ISRAEL"* Support!
SHARIFAH: Do you support Israel?
ME: Uh, yeah. I'm even using two Motorola phones, and Starbucks rocks.
SHARIFAH: *expression changes* Fucker. *flips me off*
ME: *laughs my ass off and tells Charmaine, Pik Ee, Kuan Ngee, etc*
And I'll stand by what I said, people. Jews and Israel totally rock, and I know that almost everyone who reads my blog will agree with me.
Oh, Mario,
Why if this is nothing,
I'm finding it's so hard to dismiss,
If you're what I need,
Then only you can save me,
So come on baby, give me the fix,
And let's just talk about it,
I've got to talk about it.
Okay, so in the tennis line-up for today, the most interesting one will be Marat "Sexgod" Safin against Roger "Magic" Federer (sorry, Helen, just had to put that in), and for tomorrow, we've got Amelie and Vika. I absolutely love my new Motorokr, since it's got a time-converter in it, so I can check when Amelie's playing. Looks like I'll be getting up early tomorrow to watch her play. She goes on right after Serena Fatass and Shuai Peng, which means, if the match finishes early, I'll have to get up at about 9:00 am to watch her play/follow her on IBM Slamtracker. If that's not love, you people can go fuck an elephant five hundred and thirty-two times, because you quite clearly don't know what love is. I mean, I'm completely willing to wake up early for this woman on a Saturday to watch her play tennis.
Because nobody knows,
That's how I nearly fell,
Trading clothes,
And ringing Pavlov's Bell,
History shows,
Like it was show and tell.
Right, I'm pretty sleepy and I've got Bible Knowledge later. Joleen better come and keep me company, since Mon already said that she wouldn't be going. Can you people even begin to imagine how bored I'll be without Monica? Jeezus. So, yeah, since I'm tired and I have Bible later, I'm going to sleep, and dream about rainow unicorns, tennis, brownies, and of course, Amelie. Have a good weekend, and an even better Chinese New Year, y'all!
So tell me,
That's how I nearly fell,
By ringing Pavlov's bell,
So, baby, show and tell,
Oh, Mario, Mario.

Much love,
Ninnyjofernandez.

not forgiven or forgotten.

What would you do if I said that you were dead to me?

I've known you my whole life, and you didn't even care to tell me the truth.

What happens now?

If I told you how much you hurt me, would you even care?

Would you even listen?

Would you admit to your mistakes?

I don't care any more.

You've fucked me over for the last time.

Ever.

All the fuck of you.

You're dead to me.

--shut up and sleep with me

Too damn lazy to do a proper post, so you guys have to live with this, okay? Okay. Good.

NICK: Mrs. Rosenberg. *grins* Let's get cracking.
ME: Thankyouuu! *hugs him, cracks knuckles* So, whaddawe say?
NICK: Hey, Maya. How are ya? Do any girls lately? *snorts*
ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA.
NICK: Okay, I'm just being mean. Hang on a sex.
ME: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
NICK: What the fuck is WRONG with me? Sec. I meant sec.
ME: *wipes away tears of laughter*

I love that boy. Man. He'll be 18 this year. I mean, man.

Aussie Open tomorrow. I totally LOVE Amelie. Support, yo!

--come on get higher

I miss the sound of your voice,
I miss the rush of your skin,
And I miss the still of the silence,
As you breathe out and I breathe in,
If I could walk on water,
If I could tell you what's next,
I'd make you believe,
I'd make you forget.
So come on, get higher,
Loosen my lips,
Faith and desire,
And the swing of your hips,
Just pull me down hard,
And drown me in love.
I miss the sound of your voice,
The loudest thing in my head,
And I ache to remember,
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said,
If I could walk on water,
If I could tell you what's next,
I'd make you believe,
I'd make you forget.
So come on, get higher,
Loosen my lips,
Faith and desire,
And the swing of your hips,
Just pull me down hard,
And drown me in love.
I miss the pull of your heart,
I taste the sparks on your tongue,
I see angels and devils and God,
When you come on,
Hold on, hold on.
So wrong, So right,
So come on, get higher,
'Cause everything works, love,
Everything works in your arms.

Something that might shock you all:

Guess what, people?

Stephanie Fernandez is human, too.

Fuck you, fuckfaces, to quote Yi Pin. I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Think what you wish.

Dumbfucktard.

"Stupid asshole ungrateful fucking bitch."

Says Ruindra about Jas-Rabiatul AdaBIAWAK.

Lots of love from this very much human blogger,

Steph-ie Fernandez-Mauresmo.

(I wish)

Helen Invasion

Hey Steph

I know I'm not supposed to just waltz into your blog but I do it anyway. Sorry :)

Anyway, I have good reasons. Found some hilarious pics of Ame and some matching ones of Roger.













The Dynamic Duo and their detached heads.

What Amelie thinks of Sylvie's music.
And what Roger thinks of Sylvie's music.

Till later.

--loves the amelie-freaks.

ASHLEY: Fuck! She fucking won? What the fuck -- did Ivano-bitch have two broken legs or something? Well, whatever. GO AMELIE!

--on Amelie's win against Ana.

WE LOVE YOU, AMELIE! Get well soon!

<3

Amelie impersonating Maria Sharapova's screaming pose.

"I am woman, hear me roar!"

"What? You're telling me I'm injured? But Stephanie says I must play on..."

"Yeah, sorry, Steph. Oh, yeah. Steph? Oh, she's the love of my life."