--dear you.

I know I've changed. And I know we haven't been talking lately.

I take responsibility for some of the things, but not all of them.

You can be extremely petty, sensitive and annoying.

Sometimes, I don't even know what to say to you.

And I know that you think I don't try, but I do. Extremely hard.

Not to mention, there are so many things that I'd like to tell you. But I can't bring myself to do so.

Don't think of this as me not being able to trust you. It happens to me a lot.

I think I might be spastic that way. But I digress.

Seriously, though. Sometimes, I wonder why you're so dense.

I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff that could've been. What I've passed up.

And I don't know if you still want that, or if I can give you what you want.

I see you a lot, but we never talk like we used to. It's just superficial now.

What happened to us?

Maybe you might not feel the same, but I still feel like you're one of my best friends.

I wouldn't be me without you. I wouldn't be able to write music like that without you.

You're amazing.

Such an inspiration. Even if you don't know it.

You're one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out.

So, again. What happened to us?

Was it something I said?

Was it the fact that I've changed?

Was it something I did?

If it was, then please tell me. I don't know what to do without you.

It's like, one of my limbs has gone missing, and I'm lost without it.

So. Just. I don't know.

Call me when you read this.

If you even read my blog anymore.

You know who you are.

And if you don't, and you're still oblivious, then,

you should know from this;

"You said this hill looks far too steep,

and I'm not even sure it's me you wanna keep"

NTJ -- just. Talk to me.

She Loved

She Loved

When she got up she said I'll see you in the morning,
I didn't know my heart would break without a warning,
But when you fall in love with madness,
You're sure to go insane.
I'm officially crazy. I've got tuition at 8:00am in the morning, and yet, here I am, typing this shit out just so Amelia Marie is happy. It's 1:40am and I'm waiting for Amelie to play her best friend and doubles partner on the WTA, Svetlana Kuznetsova. Of course, I think it's sad that they've got to go head-to-head against each other, but what has to be done, has to be done, and as much as I love Sveta with all my heart for being such an insanely good friend to Amelie, I have to support my woman and my future wife, so come on, Amelie, you can so pull this one off. I, for one, along with like, half a million people, seriously believe in you and your one-handed backhand.
She loved walking through the rain,
She loved the things we can't explain,
She used to love to laugh for hours,
Loved to speak my name,
She loved.
As you all probably know very well, the school holidays have been going on this week, and hell, I had a pretty good time. I hung out with those awesome people (Sarah, I'm still waiting for you to post the hill picture up on Facebook), I slept, I drank, I hung out with Naz, who is currently the love of my life -- in case y'all were blur about it and didn't know about that. Oh, oh, I've also compiled a list of stripper songs, which will be up, like ASAP. Probably right before the holidays end, so get off your ass and start browsing through it when it comes out, because it's complete with links, and I'm rather proud of the work I'm putting into it.
I'm only holding on to dust to find a reason,
I'm only marking time, the changing of the seasons,
Maybe someday when I'll surrender,
I'll feel it all again.
Nikolay Davydenko is taking so damn long to finish. As cute as he is, I wish he'd just hurry the fuck up, because it's obviously not him who I'm staying up to follow on the stupid livescore thing. Anyway, here's a little bit about the song I'm posting with -- it's by Mig Ayesa, who's not too bad, actually, but this is the only song of his that I actually like, so deal, people. It's got gorgeous lyrics and I'm sure you'll agree with me once you've read them through. Oh, oh, in case you're interested, Tegan and Sara's new album is coming out in October, and god only knows how long that'll be till it's here in Malaysia. Shit betul.
And I must believe,
There was something there in me,
She loved.
Excuse my scatterbrained thoughts on this post, I'm actually exhausted -- I babysat Bianca, Felicia and Chester today and believe me, it wasn't easy. They kept asking me about boyfriends and it gets so annoying. I wanted to kill them all. Okay, not Chester, cause he didn't ask. Right. Post ends here, I'm off to sleep for a while. Love, sex and allez Ame. :)
Now I love walking through the rain,
I love the things I can't explain,
And now I love to laugh for hours,
I love to scream her name,
I loved.

--ready for the floor

ME: So bloody irritating, lah, you.

NAZ: I'm just sitting here.

ME: Not you! Amelie!

NAZ: *looks over my shoulder* What's up?

ME: She's giving me high blood pressure, is what's up.

NAZ: Relax.

ME: Easy for you to say! Dinara isn't playing!

NAZ: But Amelie is. She's got it, Steph. Calm down.

ME: Aw, you're so sweet. I love you, you know?
NAZ: *smug look* I know.

.

ME: Shit!

NAZ: Breathe.

ME: *hyperventilates* I can't! How can she do this to me?

NAZ: Think how Marie must be feeling.

ME: Who gives a shit what Marie feels!

NAZ: Uh, Amelie?

ME: Shut up, shut up, shut up.

NAZ: *smirks* Don't come crying to me when she loses...

ME: How can you say that? Oh, deuce! Shut up.

NAZ: *shakes head* I'm not the one talking.

.

ME: Ohmygod! *bounces up and down* Did you see that?

NAZ: Well, I did see the scoreboard.

ME: Hey, me too! Cool!

NAZ: Someone's in a good mood.

ME: They started the second set already!

NAZ: Uh. Okay...

ME: Amelie didn't even have a proper rest and they're making her play! It's not fair! Can I sue them?

NAZ: Obviously. Not. Sue them for what, anyway?

ME: For neglect of my girlfriend! Why the hell isn't Marie doing it?

NAZ: Cause she thinks?

.

ME: Ohshit betul, lahkan, this woman?

NAZ: Hey, I think Amelie's into SM. If she's not torturing you, it's no fun for her.

ME: Shut up, butthead. I love you, okay? Now shut up already.

NAZ: Aw. I love you, too. How do you feel?

ME: *stares at the laptop screen* I've gone numb. And I feel like I'm gonna puke any second now.

NAZ: Look, she broke!

ME: Come on, Amelie, quick! I want to sleep!

NAZ: Babe, remember that match against Coin early this year?

ME: Fuck.

.

ME: *sings* Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey.

NAZ: Doesn't she have millions?

ME: What if I wasn't talking about her? *distracted* WHOO, Amelie leads 3-0!

"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you."

Eh, aunty. I missed you and your legs so much. Play properly now, can or not?

Nick says, "R-O-G-E-R equals to P-R-I-C-K"

One of the things I absolutely despised about the Ace host, Georgina whoever-Chinese-lady-who-got-to-interview-Amelie, was her undying love and support of Roger Federer. I mean, yeah, okay, get over it already, woman. Anyway, I decided to post, with the help of my beloved gays, Nick and Naz and Sven, that Rafael "Smileyboy" Nadal is waaaaaay hotter and sexier than Roger "Fucking" Federer (Nick says "fucking").

Marat's sexy smirk:

Rafa's adorableeee smile:

Roger's perverted grin:

Marat's doubles:

Rafa's doubles:

Roger molesting:

Marat shirtless:

Rafa shirtless:

Roger chesthaired:

Marat's funny face:

Rafa's funny face:

Roger's hilarious face:

Marat Safin with friends:

Rafael Nadal with friends:

Roger Federer with uh...:

And I'm slightly drunk (we all are) so, sorry if this offended any of you fuckin' Fedtards. I *heart* Mirka, Charlene and Myla, though. :)

Oh, how I have missed thee, Rafael Nadal. Keep me smiling and win Montreal.

Oh, my pretty, pretty boy. I've missed you, Smiley.

--how I wish everything was simple.

Most days, I'm okay.

Come steal my heart away.

:)

Click here. (you won't regret it)

Lingerie

Heya babes,

Helen here -- who else?

Happy confirmation!

*cough - Ellen initiation - cough*

Pity about the white dress - or should I say lingerie? :) - in F21. Haha. Anyway. This is random. I know you'll miss your church friends post-confirmation, and that you have had, have, and will have mixed feelings about the whole thing.

And we haven't talked much lately either, miss you la.

Anyway. Loads of stuff to tell you. Just thought I'd drop by and tell you how much I love you, and appreciate having you around. :) And again, Happy Confirmation!

(Rest assured that I WILL convert you to a heel-wearer sooner or later.)

NOT emo,

Helen.

untitled whatevers.

It's what you say to me that matters,
And when you touch my hand, I feel,
Sometimes, I wish I'd kept things careless,
Instead of trying "something real".

I never wanted Saturday,
Or any other day to pass,
But I'll be with you, come what may,
Looking out through shattered glass.

Then; when you'd say my name, I'd forget,
And now, I think it'd be the same,
I look to you in times of doubt, but
I know I'm just your little game.

I never wanted you to go,
Or those measures of time to pass,
But I'll be with you, true and true,
Looking on through shattered glass...

...to be continued. I actually wrote a rhyming thingy that I don't hate. *proud of self*