you're an idiot.

Wasn't it obvious how much I fucking loved you? And yet, it wasn't ever enough, was it?
You're an idiot. I did try, just so you know.
You loved me? Too fucking late.
Kthxbye. :)

*

Anyway, today was good.

Apparently, you care if I'm skipping classes or not.

Which is really cute.

For example;

"Don't you have class now?" *cue confused but cocky look*

"World Issues finished early." *smile*

"Oh. Okay. Don't be late for English. Or I'll tell him." *smiles back*

"I won't. I have to let everybody hear my great interpretation of Literature." *melting inside*

*laughs confusedly* "Um, what? Just don't be late."

I swear, I was swooning at your cuteness with every beat of my heart. It should be illegal everywhere for you to be so damn cute. :)

*

American Idol today, and Siobhan did...

ANY MAN OF MINE.

Which is, like, my favorite Shania Twain song.

Along with a few others.

I haven't seen Siobhan's version yet but I'm sure everyone else did an epic fail,

bar MamaSox, whom I love.

(I swear, I ship Siobhan and Crystal; they should have babies).

MamaSox rocks. :)

*

Okay, I'm off to take my late afternoon nap for a little bit.

WAIT. There's this guy in college, also doing CIMP.

And he looks like Rafael Nadal. He's cute. :) Very cute, very.

But you know what?

You're cuter. And I think I could fall in love with you.

Frigging adorable. :) You had a pimple today.

I have this weird compulsion to touch your face all the time.

It is a sexy face. :)

*

Either way.

Someday, I'm gonna find someone extraextra special.

Who's gonna make me want to say something like this;

"I’d make the world record biggest sandwich if you asked me to.

I’d kick old granny in the tits.

I’d fill the rivers with panda pops.

I fucked up big time. I’m more than sorry.

I love you. You’re my whole world."

And I just hope my someone's you. :)

Pretty Iranian-Indian-Portuguese babies.

*

Okay, gonna sleep now.

Thought for the day;

The best way to make someone think that you don't care is act like you don't care.

They'll bring whatever it is up, eventually. :)

Or you could just get gone on someone else, that works, too.

*

than i ever thought i might.

I can't fight this feeling anymore. :)
I post more on my tumblr. kthxbye.

since i'm so decisive and all.

Well, here's the good news. I finally decided on my tattoo! :) Here's a picture of the rough outline thingy. I still don't know where I want it.Options are; down my left forearm, as a band around my ankle, on my back, just above my hipbone. Thoughts?

*

Um, okay. Amelia dared me to blog in BM, so I'm gonna do it. Just a little bit.

*

Hari ini bukannya suatu cerita dongeng. Saya amat letih, and kepala saya berasa seakan-akan meletup. Dahlah saya ada banyak stres dan pelbagai projek untuk disiapkan, terutamanya Isu Dunia.

Kerana saya memblog dalam Bahasa Melayu, saya boleh mendeklamasikan perasaan saya tentang seorang lelaki yang berasal dari negara yang berdekatan dengan India. Dua minggu lepas, dia telah memberitahu saya bahawa dia amat sukakan saya. Tetapi, malangnya, saya tidak sukakan dia seperti dia mahu.

Sekarang, keadaan amat kekok antara saya dengan dia.

*

Okay, I have a headache, that's about all I can manage.

Don't forget to come online and tell me what you think of my tattoo!

.blame math.

MATH MADE ME GAY.
Itu, dan tambahan pula, saya sudah kena disuka oleh seorang lelaki yang sangat, sangat menjijikkan.
(Okay, I know my BM sucks).
Anyway. I memorized my lines.
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS MADE ME GAY.
I'm gonna go around saying _________________ made me gay for a while. :)

it's all your fault.

Even though I've "stopped liking you", every time someone mentions your name, my head turns right toward him or her. It's like, every time I hear it, I think of all that we could have had, and all that could have happened, that didn't."

You. Me. FTW.

It's alright. :)

crush.Crush.CRUSH.

"Thanks to you, I know what I want, and I can’t go back.
I want to feel the way I did last night, everyday.
I want to be with someone that, ten years from now, makes my heart jump when I hear her key in the door.
That someone is you."

- Sheetal Sheth as Leyla in Shamim Sarif's I Can't Think Straight.

*

I loved that movie. *tear-streaked smile*

And I think I might love Shamim Sarif.

ADOPT ME PLEASE!

--interchangeable.

Today, the lines are blurred,
We’re both not as we find,
I know your sight’s unclear,
Maybe you’ve gone blind.

Not blaming you is hard,
And cold wars are vacuums,
No phone calls, don’t send cards,
So silence fills this room.

They say we make mistakes,
But I didn’t make you,
Still, I was never fake,
You didn’t see this through.

I never saw you like they did,
I didn’t want to judge,
To think, their horror following it;
Me wanting you so much.

Now you’ve come right out and said,
That your story’s new today,
But to see how much I'd bled,
To you, it was child's play.

But meant to be, it wasn’t, though,
I guess I’d had a clue,
All in all, I’m glad we’re so,
Interchangeable for you.

-- Stephanie Fernandez.

*

Yeah.

It's for who you think it is.

Also, it isn't.

*

Currently listening to: Dragonette - Competition.

...this is my song.

List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below).

1. Brandi Carlile

2. Aimee Mann

3. A Fine Frenzy

4. Alanis Morrissette

5. Jen Foster

6. Janis Joplin

7. Missy Higgins

8. Ingrid Michaelson

9. Dragonette

10. SohoDolls

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Ohgod, I so remember this. It was "Cry, Baby", and I only know it, because my dad used to sing it when I was younger and I cried, and piss me off.

What is your favorite song of 8?
"You and I", for sure. "I wanna do what bunnies do with you." How much more awesome does it get?

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
Holy shit. She's had some kind of impact on me. I want to date her, be her, sing with her, play backup in her band, tour with her, play pranks with her, meet her family...
And I'm so much happier because I know she exists in the world.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
Fuck you, I will see her live one day.

What is your favorite song by 7?
Hands down, "Warm Whispers". You know why? Because I am a sucker for anyone who can drawl the lyrics to a song like that.

Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
"Ashes and Wine", and "Almost Lover." Alison Sudol just has a way with words, okay. And she's friends with Brandi Carlile.

When did you first get into 2?
From Nick. He told me to download "Pavlov's Bell" by her, and I did. I liked it a lot, googled her and found out that she's Sean Penn's brother's wife, and downloaded a lot more of her stuff.
I haven't heard a song that I don't like yet.

How did you get into 3?
I actually can't remember. I heard "Almost Lover" first, when I was 16, and that was it, I guess. I heard most of her other stuff in quick succession.

Favorite song by 4?
"Hands Clean", because it sounds like my kind of relationship. "This could get messy; you don't seem to mind."

How many times have you seen 9 live?
TWICE. It was E P I C.

What is a good memory concerning 10?
Nick, Naz and I giggling drunkenly and an a semi-stoned manner about filming a video for "Stripper". And then talking about how Malaysia doesn't have strip-clubs.

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
"Maybe", but just a little bit. She's so happy all the time.

Favorite song of 1?
Fuck you, survey. It's so unfair to make me answer this question. Everytime I hear her voice, I want to _______________ (insert dirty thought of your choice here) with her.
Okay, okay, okay. Seriously? "Us Again".

How did you become a fan of 10?
I'm a pervert. They have a song called "Stripper", where the lyrics go, "What money I had is in your thong." How do you think I became a fan? *rolls eyes*

What is the last song you heard by 5?
"Venice Beach." It makes me sad.

--if this happened, i'd be homophobic.

Apparently, Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian.

Um, no.

E P I C F A I L.

But anyway.

Click here to read.

(Amelie Mauresmo is hot, okay, do not ever compare her to Justin jackassholefucktardencybucketofvomit Bieber).

Um, okay, I'm done now.

And Amelie?

I love you and miss you a whole lot.

Why'd you go, silly? :(

...and how not to look back, even if no one believes us.

“What’re you looking for?”
“I’m looking for the Steph I used to know. Where is she?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I hate what you’re becoming.”
“I’m not becoming anything.”
“Yes, you are. You’re changing, and I don’t like it.”
“People change, okay, shut the fuck up.”
“So you’re changing now?”
“No, I am not. Go away.”
“I want you to remember something.”
“What? Bookshelf?”
“What?!”
“You said something, so anything la.”
“You’re so stupid. Shut up first, and listen. Are you listening?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You’re my favorite. And no matter what anyone says, I love you.”

*

And I swear, that’s all it took me to change my outlook on this week.
Because I’m your favorite. And you love me.
I think I can trust someone who’s known me their whole life.
So.
Just in case you’re reading this (which you probably won’t, because you don’t like reading);
Thank you.
It meant so much for me, to hear you say that.
And I’m going to be someone you can look up to.
I promise.

*

Apart from that, currently back to Brandi C, and listening to her Save All Your Goodbyes.

*

I should try to not be so bitter all the time.

...swore that she'd respect me in the morning

I wanna know if I could be,
Someone to turn to,
That could never hurt you;
But I know what you think of me,
You had a breakthrough,
And now I'm just bad news for you.
-- Yellowcard; Keeper.

*

I've been up late writing books,

All about heroes and crooks,

One of them saves you from this,

The other one steals you and then,

All sure things fall,

All sure things fall.

...

He can take you all the way to church this time,

But don't forget you summed it up in 50 lines.

-- Yellowcard; Sure Thing Falling.

*

Waking up from this nightmare,

How's your life; what's it like there?

Is it all what you want it to be?

Does it hurt when you think about me,

And how broken my heart is?

...

Take you away from that empty apartment,

You stay and forget where the heart is,

Someday if ever you loved me,

You'd say it's okay.

-- Yellowcard; Empty Apartment.

*

Um, okay, I've started listening to my Yellowcard albums again. I have to rip them to my MP3 player.

Especially those three.

Fucking amazing.

Oh, oh, and guess what?

Jen Foster, one of my favorites ever, released this song, "I Didn't Just Kiss Her", (click to listen) which is like, this parody of Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" (which was an EPIC FAIL).

*

"She's saying she only kissed me for the boy's attention,

She's trying to blame it on a little too much booze,

But I can testify she knew what she was doing,

It was almost like she's done it all before.
She's gonna go back to her boyfriend now,

Before the questions come up,

She's gonna tell 'em I'm stalking her round the clock,

Like I'm making the story up.
Bitch..."

*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And the way she kind of mutters, "...bitch!" under her breath is too fucking cute.

Okay, okay, gonna go sleep for a while now, since the cleaners are coming later and sleeping through the cleaners would be an EPIC FAIL.

(by the way, I think only Alwy and I are the ones who say, "EPIC FAIL!", "WIN!" and "PWNED!" out loud.

Oh, well.

S'nice. :)

Anyway, today was pure shit. Please let tomorrow be better. My manicure got kind of fucked up.

...la camisa negra.

Currently listening to: Didi Benami's Playing With Fire; Studio Version.
Currently watching: Tipping the Velvet.

*

For one thing, I need to stop playing with fire because;

1. no good can come out of it.

2. I could get third-degree burns and die.

*

I'm turning 18 in a few months.

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I know what I want to do with my life.

And I'm working towards that dream.

So that I can sit around in my pajamas all day.

Just like that girl in I Can't Think Straight.

(I keep confusing Tala and Leyla; meh, whatever).

*

But there, there's that word again.

My dream.

And knowing what I want to do with my life.

*

Personally, I don't think it's wrong.

Nope, to me, it's not wrong, at all.

Because I have so much to learn; I'm young.

*

But it is not wrong, really.

It's not wrong for me to want you to be there, in my dream.

To be a part of my life.

*

No, I'm not trying to justify anything, or myself to anyone.

Because, (refer to above notes), I don't have anything to prove.

*

Please let June come quickly.