.i want to do this, more than i want anything.

I’m so, so sorry. It just got to be too much for me to handle. God. I don’t know where to begin. Okay. Okay, I’ve got it. Wednesday night. The shit hit the fan and I just took off. It hurt so bad and I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be in a place where I didn’t have to put on that HAPPY face that everyone knows so well. That happy face that has become an almost automatic part of me. I know that doesn't justify my actions but just let me explain. So I left. And I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have done that to anyone; especially you. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for and I should’ve decided to stay and talk to you guys and express myself instead of going off on my typical self-destructing habits and scaring the shit out of you guys. I’m sorry.
Carmen. Thank you for being there for me when I crawled back late Thursday night. I still don’t know why you were up but I know that you got off your ass to make me that fajita and at that moment in my fucked-up state, I never tasted anything half as good as that fajita. Words can’t express how thankful I was to have you there. I know you worry about me and I don’t want to punish you for worrying about me any longer. I know you’re sick of having to take all my shit and I understand. Thank you for listening to what I had to say and being there for me. Thank you for cleaning my nosebleed up and being honest with me and not judging me. I don’t know what else to say. Just… thank you.
The rest of you, I’m sorry for freaking out on you guys. I’m even sorry about abandoning Helen on Thursday and Friday to deal with our newly bitched junior (you know the one) and Helen? You were right about the other junior. I had no idea that it was possible to be such a pain in the ass. Last one but definitely not the least. Sulu, I’m sorry because you’d absolutely hate and disapprove of what I did. Maybe I can justify my actions someday and explain why I did it. I just don’t want to think about what caused my actions from Wednesday night to Thursday night/early Friday morning now. I’m just sorry. And I can honestly say that it will never happen again.
steph