Bigger Than my Body

Bigger Than my Body

This is a call to the colorblind,

This is an IOU,

Stranded behind a horizon line,

Try to be something true,

Yes, I'm grounded,

Got my wings clipped,

I'm surrounded by,

All this pavement,

Guess I'll circle,

While I'm waiting,

For my fuse to dry.

So, I had a freaky-ass dream today. It was really freaky. And that's all I can remember. I know that the other day, I dreamed of Richard Gasquet. Now, that was a freaky dream. Anyway, enough with the dreams. Today, I had to have lunch with dad and one of his friends. Now, this guy, Francis, is the original asshole. I swear to Ellen, he is a total, utter, major, bloody fucking asshole. In the first five minutes I met him, he managed to insult me, two of my nicknames and my dog's name. What the fuck? Needless to say, I didn't talk much during lunch, I just ate my food and texted Helen. I don't have much patience for people like this. I mean, come on. This guy is my dad's friend. All my dad's friends adore me. They think I'm awesome. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? I know, I know, my ego is showing, self-praise is no praise, whatthefuckever. Jesus, is this dude blind or something? As egotistical as it sounds, I know how awesome I am, so fuck you.

Someday I'll fly,

Someday I'll soar,

Someday I'll be,

Something much more,

Cause I'm bigger than my body,

Gives me credit for.

Dad just pissed me off. As we all know, after you take away mom's, "She's Amelie's girlfriend." comments, I like Dinara Safina. In a way, she reminds me of me. Not the "I'm-fugly" way, but the big, butch, self-abusing kind of way. At times, I even feel sorry for her. All in all, I think she's pretty sweet. If she's not Amelie's girlfriend. Dinara has this thing where, if she hits a bad shot, she kinda, I don't know... scratches herself with a fingernail or bites her wrist or something. Anyway, after watching Dinara scratch herself, dad said, "Oh, look. She's just like you." and I said, "Leave me alone!" and my dad said, "Why? What's wrong with that? You think you could explain it to me?" and I said, again, very stupidly, "Leave me alone!" and dad kept blustering on and on about me hurting myself until I walked out of the room and mom said, "Okay, that's enough." Who the hell is he to ask me about hurting myself, when he's the one who can't fucking be bothered and hires Anna.

Why is it not my time,

What is there more to learn,

Shed this skin I've been tripping in,

Never to quite return,

Yes, I'm grounded,

Got my wings clipped,

I'm surrounded by,

All this pavement,

Guess I'll circle,

While I'm waiting,

For my fuse to dry.

Looks like I've found my new WTA crush, one I'll be obsessing over after Amelie retires. As much as you'll hate it, Helen, Dinara Safina it is. Ohmigod, then if Vivien marries Marat Safin and somehow I don't marry Amelie and have to marry Dinara Safina (who pings my gaydar like a police alarm), Vivien and I can have a double wedding, and oh, shit, we'll actually be related! But it's okay, Okay, let's see, shall we? Dinara Mikhailovna Safina (hot middle name, albeit more than a little complicated), born on the 22nd of April and she's only 22. She's the kind of girl you just want to hug, cause she looks so dumb. Jesus fucking Christ, she's six feet, two inches. I'll look like a dwarf next to her! At least it won't be so bad with Amelie, who's five feet, nine inches. Anyway, something about her and my Amelie (I'm getting ahead of myself here...): During the 2006 US Open, she reached a grand slam quarterfinal, this time losing soundly to Amelie Mauresmo, i.e., Steph's girlfriend.

Someday I'll fly,

Someday I'll soar,

Someday I'll be so damn much more,

Cause I'm bigger than my body,

Gives me credit for,

Cause I'm bigger than my body now.

Enough about whoever and whatever. I'll blog about my favorite subject. Me. Yeah, so, lately, Naz's put me on this total asshole bodybuilding program and so far, I've lost, like, 2kg. Big fucking deal. I lost more weight waking up late and not eating breakfast or lunch, but according to Naz, that's not healthy. Whatever. To top that off, I need a new haircut. This one is so glum and blah. I need something rocker-chick, androgynous and funky, but that I'll be able to tidy up for school and that's really low-maintainance. Or high-maintainance. Ever since I started straightening my hair, I'm used to the high-maintainance bullcrap. Nick says I should just fuck it and get a mohawk (I wish!), but Amelie probably wouldn't like me then. Dress-shopping and pedicure, anyone? Nick's got his spiky thing going on, Naz has the typical black-rocker dreads-braids-whatever and I have... what? Straight, rebonded, princess hair. Gah, fuck it, I really, really need a haircut.

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines,

And it might be over in a second's time,

But I'll gladly go down in a flame,

If the flame's what it takes to remember my name,

Yes, I'm grounded,

Got my wings clipped,

I'm surrounded by,

All this pavement,

Guess I'll circle,

While I'm waiting,

For my fuse to dry,

For my fuse to dry.

ME: If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

NAZ: I’d be a dragon just because most people wouldn’t be a dragon cause they’re not very cuddly.

ME: *laughs my ass off, loudly*

Someday I'll fly,

Someday I'll soar,

Someday I'll be so damn much more,

Cause I'm bigger than my body ,

I'm bigger than my body,

I'm bigger than my body,

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.

Dinara Safina <333

and the haircut I want.

Thoughts?

♥

Steph