hello world, hope you're listening

"Tell me why I feel so bad, honey,

TV's flat and nothing is funny,

I get sad and stuck in a cone of silence."

...

Four years.

It's a bloody long time to stick with something. I haven't stuck with something that long unless I was pushed to do so (school). Hell, I'm not one to stick around, for things or for people.

If only, right now, it could be that easy.

-

I've exhaled, stared at the words I've just typed out and run a hand through my hair. Right now, I'm sitting here, in my French football jersey, mourning.

You sweet, funny, adorkable, talented, gorgeous woman. You obviously have no idea how much I'm going to miss you, and maybe it's better off that way, because if you see how much pain you're causing me (and most of your other fans), you'd be inclined to come back and play another round and make us cry again when you retire...

...but I digress.

-

Hell, I knew this would happen. I knew, one day, you'd retire, hang up your Reeboks and Head racquet, get on that Harley and ride off into the sunset to go surfing.

Still.

I thought I'd be prepared. Last week, when I read that you'd speak on Thursday, I thought I was prepared. Even so, I prayed.

Yes, Steph, the atheist who can't be bothered to give a fuck about god and all that is holy, got down on her knees at church and prayed. What I prayed for, you'll never guess.

I prayed not for you to not retire, because like I said, I knew it would be inevitable, but that you'd be at peace with yourself when you made this decision. I prayed that you'd think it through before you went through with it.

I prayed for your happiness.

-

Granted, I didn't cry while reading the first two articles about you and the r-word.

Then, I came across this one that said something along the lines of "...she burst into tears..." and I couldn't help myself, the waterworks started.

I know, I know, I pride myself on having the heart of stone, but still.

You've pretty much been my life for four years. It stings, no?

Stings to see you cry like that, and realize how much it meant to you. Also to know that I couldn't have done anything about it.

But I'm talking too much shit here.

-

Somehow, even though I knew I might never hear about you again (I keep thinking back to that tennis player who left a successful tennis career to become a nun), I felt happy (only slightly, but still), knowing that you knew what you wanted to do.

So with that, Amelie Simone Mauresmo, I wish you all the very best.

I'm proud to have been in your corner for four years, through good and bad. Thank you, for being such a graceful person, both on-court and off.

...

"Shut it out,

I've got no claim on you now,

Not allowed to wear your freedom down"

---

How I want to remember you:

In my eyes, you will do no wrong. ♥