I Write These Words.

I like you a lot.

2010-07-16T23:48:00.003+08:00

But I hate that I like you, and you like me too… but I haven’t told you, and all I do is drop hints. I feel like I have to be perfect, and not fuck up. Because I’m scared that you’ll dislike me, and I don’t want to lose you.

I'm sorry for fucking up. I'm an eighteen-year-old girl. I talk shit all the time. I'm not perfect; I'm far from perfect.

But I could be perfect for you. I'll try. I promise.

I feel like doing this.

2010-06-06T16:19:00.001+08:00

On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Will post both on tumblr and here, okay? :)

Yet another meaningful conversation post.

2010-06-03T03:07:00.002+08:00

Naz: Okay, today, we've got to watch "Pourquoi Pas Moi" because, being Malaysian, and not understanding French, you haven't seen it.
Me: But I don't understand French. If I did, I'd be all Amelie-stalking right now.
Naz: I'll translate; it's just a really good movie, and I've seen it, like, seven times.
Me: Wow. You must really like it.
Naz: Shut up.
About forty-five minutes into the movie...
Me: Hey, Naz? What's she saying? And I don't even know their names yet.
Naz: Okay, so that one's yelling, "Nothing happened!", so the other one said that if she hadn't come along, the first one would be in bed with the tattoo girl, and that the first one saw the tattoo girl's tattoo, and she's wondering why she's even here.
Me: Yeah, I got that bit. About the tattoo, I mean. Wait. Why get upset about the tattoo? Geez.
Naz: Anyway, Steph, the first one just went, "Because you love me!", you follow? The second one went, "What?" and the first one said, "And I love you." in reply. Smooth.
Me: Awh, they always have those moments in the movies, where they stare breathlessly, quietly at each other, and the music swells...
Naz: And you have an almost-eighteen-year-old talking over the significant moments. Right, now the second one says, "You're a real bitch. I love you, and there you are, swapping spit with some dog."
Me: Fuck it, I'm turning in my pens. You should be the writer, not me.
Naz: Jesus, the first one is so smooth. She just went, "She's not a dog, I was not swapping spit... And you're beautiful when you're angry." Isn't that adorable?
Me: Yes, yes, adorable. What's the second one crying about?
Naz: She says, "Honestly?" and the first one says, "Yes. Hysterical jealousy suits you."
Me: Christ, Johnson, you're so cute. Marry me?
Naz: Sure.

guess who's over at la casa de fernandez.

2010-05-28T21:47:00.003+08:00

Sven: Hey, you know the TV show where they teach women to love their bodies?
Me: I want to have a tv show like that. I will say, “STOP BEING FAT” and whenever the women try to eat, I will zap them with a cattle prod. When they are a size 6, they’ll thank me.
*
My mom: So, Sven, where are you from?
Sven: My parents are Russian, but we lived in Philadelphia for fifteen years.
Me: Killadelphia.
Naz: Hey, you know what's the capital of Killadelphia? Shitsburgh.
*
Nick: This gathering is gayer than Elton John fisting Lance Bass while YMCA plays.
*
Nick: Bikini waxes hurt a lot, or so I've heard.
Naz: I have a VAG OF STEEL!
*
Me: I hate alarm clocks. I can't ever get up.
Sven: Sucks to be you. When I hear the alarm, I think, ‘YAY, SEX!’ and then, ‘YAY, COFFEE!’. I love mornings!
*
Nick: Chicks are a hassle. If I were a lesbian I’d just throw the chick a vibrator and an economy size pack of batteries and tell her to have at it while I went shopping. Wait, that sounds like the perfect relationship!
*
Sven: *checks his iTouch*
Nick: You and your robotic boyfriend... I'm so glad that doesn't have a penis.
Sven: Maybe there's an app for that.

Giggles from this afternoon.

2010-05-24T16:43:00.003+08:00

Sven: Hey, do you think the neighbors heard us last night?
Nick: We were pretty loud, huh?
Sven: Maybe we ought to tone it down a little.
Nick: Fuck the neighbors. If I have to listen to them play Lady Antebellum, they can listen to me getting nailed.

Steph: I'll never know what it's like to be a man. And I don't want to.

Sven: No problem. Next time you have sex, just spray whoever you're doing in the face with one of those spray bottle thingies.

Steph: Geez, sorry I'm such a jackass.

Naz: Oh, babes, you're an asshole sometimes, but never a fucktard.

Sven: I like McDonald's nuggets in Russia better.

Me: They have McD's in Russia? And why not?

Sven: Because ours are made of chicken, and yours are made of... I don't know. Illegal immigrants. Or something.

Naz: You know, Sven and Nick, y'all always say how much you like fat chicks. It's probably because you don't have to fuck 'em.

Me: So then, I forgot if it was nPr or nCr.

Nick: NEVER FORGET OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!

Nick: I love him. *points to sexy black male model*

Sven: He looks like he talks too much.

Naz: You should just sneak up on her and jump her. Remember, it's not rape if you yell, "SURPRISE!"

Nick: Steph, I don't know how people read your handwriting.

Naz: They probably don't; they just think some Arab was really angry.

*
Sven: All lions are males
Steph: Where do baby lions come from then?
Sven: Then what are tigers?
Steph: Stripey
Sven: No, there's no such thing as a female lion. Thats why they call them the King of the jungle. Not the Queen of the jungle.

Steph: I want a tattoo.

Naz: I don’t like coloured tattoos. If you want a coloured tattoo, just get it done in black outlines and then you can colour it in with markers every day. That way you don’t have to worry about it fading.

Sven: I miss Michael Jackson.

Steph: Let me tell you my Michael Jackson story! This one time, I listened to a Michael Jackson album but I don’t remember which one now he is dead I am sad. The End!

Naz: Dolly Parton sure loved getting her tits out. Can't say I blame her.
Steph: Remember, it was the 80's. She was probably high the whole time.
Naz: I don't need to be high to get my tits out. I'm just high on the fact I have such awesome tits!

Naz: Look, a rainbow! That means people are having gay sex. Hope it’s two hot chicks.

Naz: *eats nuggets*

Me: I love watching you eat. You’re so cute. Like a monkey playing with Lego.

Five-picture post and update.

2010-05-23T21:48:00.006+08:00

I went to sleep last night, at about 4:00 in the morning, because of these:

Lisbeth Salander is my fictional girlfriend.

And, well, Sexbox (my iPod), is... Sexbox, I guess?

Embarrassing confession: I was listening to Show Me Love by Robyn.

*blushes*

And then, at about 6:00 am, my dad decides it's funny to come into my room and take pictures of me when I'm sleeping, to try and wake me up for church.

(Epic fail, by the way, the second coming couldn't wake me.)

That is, till I woke up and whined so much that my mom came in and chased him away.

Ladies and gentlemen, my parents.

But he did manage to get this shot, though.

Look at how long and thick my eyelashes are here!!! :D

When I finally woke up, I realized I have exams tomorrow.

So I decided to do something that would calm me down.

What calms me down?

BRANDI CARLILE, OF COURSE!

I listened to her "Give Up the Ghost" album on repeat.

And that's my tired face.

Now, I kind of have "Oh Dear" stuck in my head.

It's this amazing song that she does almost all in falsetto.

Aaaaah, Brandi. :)

*dirty thoughts*

Then I decided that I kind of love Sexbox, so I took a picture of my legs with her.

For some reason, I keep thinking Sexbox is a girl.

Probably cause of the Marina and the Diamond lyrics;

"Look like a girl but I think like a guy."

I don't even know if that makes sense, so jyeah.

Sexbox's earphone wires didn't go the way I wanted them to, so I just left it.
I guess that's my influence.
In response, I became like my mother, and left that alone, and just took the picture.
(Apparently, taking baby pictures of me about seventeen years ago was hell on earth for her.)

Later, about dinnertime, we went for dinner at the Palace of the Golden Horses, because Aunty Mary and Aunty Beth were here, with Felicia.

Dont't.

Provoke.

The.

Fucking.

Unicorn.

(As you can see, I got my eye poked out).

.snippets from ani difranco's "shy"

2010-05-13T21:05:00.003+08:00

the heat is so great,
it plays tricks with the eye,
it turns the road to water,
and then from water to sky.

i've got a dream of your face,

that scares me awake,

i put too much on my table,

and now i got too much a stake.

and i might let you off easy,

yeah i might lead you on,

i might wait for you to look for me,

and then i might be gone,

where i come from and where i'm going,

and i'm lost in between,

i might go up to that phone booth,

and leave a veiled invitation on you machine.

and you'll stop me, won't you,

if you've heard this one before,

the one where i surprise you,

by showing up at your front door,

saying 'let's not ask what's next,

or how, or why'

i am leaving in the morning,

so let's not be shy

and i roll over and taste the pillow with my grin,

well, the sheets are twisted and tangled,

and the heat is so great,

and i swear i can feel the mattress,

sinking underneath your weight,

oh sleep is like a fever,

and I'm glad when it ends,

and the road flows like a river,

and pulls me around every bend

and there's a crack in the concrete floor,

and it starts at the sink,

there's a bathroom in a gas station,

and i've locked myself in it to think.

I love it when you smell nice.

2010-05-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

Your scent arouses me along with the way you walk, talk, the way you dress, the way you speak, and the way you look at me. Your lips are entrancing, I wish to touch them with softness, gentleness, and along with that embrace you whole with sensuality. I wish to be closer to you. I have the urge, all the time to touch your hand, to hold your arm, to wrap myself around you and smell your neck and kiss your jawline. In the mist of it all, I get nervous and hesitate to make the first move.

Dear Miss Fernandez:

2010-05-05T19:14:00.002+08:00

This is your blog writing. Yes, I can write, and yes, I have a mind of my own. Never ever doubt it, and if the thought should cross your mind that this is Helen writing, you should banish it, because you would be dead wrong. This is me, your blog.

It has come to my attention that you have recently experienced a change of heart, effectively transferring your affections to a close friend of mind and thus abandoning me. It seems unfair that after all the time we have spent together enriching what lies between us, you have so quickly abandoned me and all we have shared over the years. I must ask that you return, if not permanently, then at least periodically, to continue to let me know what’s going on in your life. I understand that your last visit was not too long ago; however, I fear that our once-prosperous relationship is deteriorating at an alarmingly fast rate.

Yours truly,

Your Blog.

you're an idiot.

2010-04-28T16:23:00.004+08:00

Wasn't it obvious how much I fucking loved you? And yet, it wasn't ever enough, was it?
You're an idiot. I did try, just so you know.
You loved me? Too fucking late.
Kthxbye. :)

Anyway, today was good.

Apparently, you care if I'm skipping classes or not.

Which is really cute.

For example;

"Don't you have class now?" *cue confused but cocky look*

"World Issues finished early." *smile*

"Oh. Okay. Don't be late for English. Or I'll tell him." *smiles back*

"I won't. I have to let everybody hear my great interpretation of Literature." *melting inside*

*laughs confusedly* "Um, what? Just don't be late."

I swear, I was swooning at your cuteness with every beat of my heart. It should be illegal everywhere for you to be so damn cute. :)

American Idol today, and Siobhan did...

ANY MAN OF MINE.

Which is, like, my favorite Shania Twain song.

Along with a few others.

I haven't seen Siobhan's version yet but I'm sure everyone else did an epic fail,

bar MamaSox, whom I love.

(I swear, I ship Siobhan and Crystal; they should have babies).

MamaSox rocks. :)

Okay, I'm off to take my late afternoon nap for a little bit.

WAIT. There's this guy in college, also doing CIMP.

And he looks like Rafael Nadal. He's cute. :) Very cute, very.

But you know what?

You're cuter. And I think I could fall in love with you.

Frigging adorable. :) You had a pimple today.

I have this weird compulsion to touch your face all the time.

It is a sexy face. :)

Either way.

Someday, I'm gonna find someone extraextra special.

Who's gonna make me want to say something like this;

"I’d make the world record biggest sandwich if you asked me to.

I’d kick old granny in the tits.

I’d fill the rivers with panda pops.

I fucked up big time. I’m more than sorry.

I love you. You’re my whole world."

And I just hope my someone's you. :)

Pretty Iranian-Indian-Portuguese babies.

Okay, gonna sleep now.

Thought for the day;

The best way to make someone think that you don't care is act like you don't care.

They'll bring whatever it is up, eventually. :)

Or you could just get gone on someone else, that works, too.

than i ever thought i might.

2010-04-27T23:56:00.003+08:00

I can't fight this feeling anymore. :)
I post more on my tumblr. kthxbye.

since i'm so decisive and all.

2010-04-26T21:47:00.004+08:00

Well, here's the good news. I finally decided on my tattoo! :) Here's a picture of the rough outline thingy. I still don't know where I want it.Options are; down my left forearm, as a band around my ankle, on my back, just above my hipbone. Thoughts?

Um, okay. Amelia dared me to blog in BM, so I'm gonna do it. Just a little bit.

Hari ini bukannya suatu cerita dongeng. Saya amat letih, and kepala saya berasa seakan-akan meletup. Dahlah saya ada banyak stres dan pelbagai projek untuk disiapkan, terutamanya Isu Dunia.

Kerana saya memblog dalam Bahasa Melayu, saya boleh mendeklamasikan perasaan saya tentang seorang lelaki yang berasal dari negara yang berdekatan dengan India. Dua minggu lepas, dia telah memberitahu saya bahawa dia amat sukakan saya. Tetapi, malangnya, saya tidak sukakan dia seperti dia mahu.

Sekarang, keadaan amat kekok antara saya dengan dia.

Okay, I have a headache, that's about all I can manage.

Don't forget to come online and tell me what you think of my tattoo!

.blame math.

2010-04-25T19:46:00.002+08:00

MATH MADE ME GAY.
Itu, dan tambahan pula, saya sudah kena disuka oleh seorang lelaki yang sangat, sangat menjijikkan.
(Okay, I know my BM sucks).
Anyway. I memorized my lines.
TENNESSEE WILLIAMS MADE ME GAY.
I'm gonna go around saying _________________ made me gay for a while. :)

it's all your fault.

2010-04-23T20:24:00.003+08:00

Even though I've "stopped liking you", every time someone mentions your name, my head turns right toward him or her. It's like, every time I hear it, I think of all that we could have had, and all that could have happened, that didn't."

You. Me. FTW.

2010-04-22T21:45:00.003+08:00

It's alright. :)

crush.Crush.CRUSH.

2010-04-18T22:49:00.002+08:00

"Thanks to you, I know what I want, and I can’t go back.
I want to feel the way I did last night, everyday.
I want to be with someone that, ten years from now, makes my heart jump when I hear her key in the door.
That someone is you."

- Sheetal Sheth as Leyla in Shamim Sarif's I Can't Think Straight.

I loved that movie. *tear-streaked smile*

And I think I might love Shamim Sarif.

ADOPT ME PLEASE!

--interchangeable.

2010-04-17T14:02:00.002+08:00

Today, the lines are blurred,
We’re both not as we find,
I know your sight’s unclear,
Maybe you’ve gone blind.

Not blaming you is hard,
And cold wars are vacuums,
No phone calls, don’t send cards,
So silence fills this room.

They say we make mistakes,
But I didn’t make you,
Still, I was never fake,
You didn’t see this through.

I never saw you like they did,
I didn’t want to judge,
To think, their horror following it;
Me wanting you so much.

Now you’ve come right out and said,
That your story’s new today,
But to see how much I'd bled,
To you, it was child's play.

But meant to be, it wasn’t, though,
I guess I’d had a clue,
All in all, I’m glad we’re so,
Interchangeable for you.

-- Stephanie Fernandez.

Yeah.

It's for who you think it is.

Also, it isn't.

Currently listening to: Dragonette - Competition.

...this is my song.

2010-04-10T21:12:00.003+08:00

List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below).

1. Brandi Carlile

2. Aimee Mann

3. A Fine Frenzy

4. Alanis Morrissette

5. Jen Foster

6. Janis Joplin

7. Missy Higgins

8. Ingrid Michaelson

9. Dragonette

10. SohoDolls

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Ohgod, I so remember this. It was "Cry, Baby", and I only know it, because my dad used to sing it when I was younger and I cried, and piss me off.

What is your favorite song of 8?
"You and I", for sure. "I wanna do what bunnies do with you." How much more awesome does it get?

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
Holy shit. She's had some kind of impact on me. I want to date her, be her, sing with her, play backup in her band, tour with her, play pranks with her, meet her family...
And I'm so much happier because I know she exists in the world.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
Fuck you, I will see her live one day.

What is your favorite song by 7?
Hands down, "Warm Whispers". You know why? Because I am a sucker for anyone who can drawl the lyrics to a song like that.

Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
"Ashes and Wine", and "Almost Lover." Alison Sudol just has a way with words, okay. And she's friends with Brandi Carlile.

When did you first get into 2?
From Nick. He told me to download "Pavlov's Bell" by her, and I did. I liked it a lot, googled her and found out that she's Sean Penn's brother's wife, and downloaded a lot more of her stuff.
I haven't heard a song that I don't like yet.

How did you get into 3?
I actually can't remember. I heard "Almost Lover" first, when I was 16, and that was it, I guess. I heard most of her other stuff in quick succession.

Favorite song by 4?
"Hands Clean", because it sounds like my kind of relationship. "This could get messy; you don't seem to mind."

How many times have you seen 9 live?
TWICE. It was E P I C.

What is a good memory concerning 10?
Nick, Naz and I giggling drunkenly and an a semi-stoned manner about filming a video for "Stripper". And then talking about how Malaysia doesn't have strip-clubs.

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
"Maybe", but just a little bit. She's so happy all the time.

Favorite song of 1?
Fuck you, survey. It's so unfair to make me answer this question. Everytime I hear her voice, I want to _______________ (insert dirty thought of your choice here) with her.
Okay, okay, okay. Seriously? "Us Again".

How did you become a fan of 10?
I'm a pervert. They have a song called "Stripper", where the lyrics go, "What money I had is in your thong." How do you think I became a fan? *rolls eyes*

What is the last song you heard by 5?
"Venice Beach." It makes me sad.

--if this happened, i'd be homophobic.

2010-04-08T14:47:00.003+08:00

Apparently, Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian.

Um, no.

E P I C F A I L.

But anyway.

Click here to read.

(Amelie Mauresmo is hot, okay, do not ever compare her to Justin ~~jackassholefucktardencybucketofvomit~~ Bieber).

Um, okay, I'm done now.

And Amelie?

I love you and miss you a whole lot.

Why'd you go, silly? :(

...and how not to look back, even if no one believes us.

2010-04-07T01:10:00.003+08:00

“What’re you looking for?”
“I’m looking for the Steph I used to know. Where is she?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I hate what you’re becoming.”
“I’m not becoming anything.”
“Yes, you are. You’re changing, and I don’t like it.”
“People change, okay, shut the fuck up.”
“So you’re changing now?”
“No, I am not. Go away.”
“I want you to remember something.”
“What? Bookshelf?”
“What?!”
“You said something, so anything la.”
“You’re so stupid. Shut up first, and listen. Are you listening?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You’re my favorite. And no matter what anyone says, I love you.”

And I swear, that’s all it took me to change my outlook on this week.
Because I’m your favorite. And you love me.
I think I can trust someone who’s known me their whole life.
So.
Just in case you’re reading this (which you probably won’t, because you don’t like reading);
Thank you.
It meant so much for me, to hear you say that.
And I’m going to be someone you can look up to.
I promise.

Apart from that, currently back to Brandi C, and listening to her Save All Your Goodbyes.

I should try to not be so bitter all the time.

...swore that she'd respect me in the morning

2010-04-05T14:45:00.003+08:00

I wanna know if I could be,
Someone to turn to,
That could never hurt you;
But I know what you think of me,
You had a breakthrough,
And now I'm just bad news for you.
-- Yellowcard; Keeper.

I've been up late writing books,

All about heroes and crooks,

One of them saves you from this,

The other one steals you and then,

All sure things fall,

All sure things fall.

...

He can take you all the way to church this time,

But don't forget you summed it up in 50 lines.

-- Yellowcard; Sure Thing Falling.

Waking up from this nightmare,

How's your life; what's it like there?

Is it all what you want it to be?

Does it hurt when you think about me,

And how broken my heart is?

...

Take you away from that empty apartment,

You stay and forget where the heart is,

Someday if ever you loved me,

You'd say it's okay.

-- Yellowcard; Empty Apartment.

Um, okay, I've started listening to my Yellowcard albums again. I have to rip them to my MP3 player.

Especially those three.

Fucking amazing.

Oh, oh, and guess what?

Jen Foster, one of my favorites ever, released this song, "I Didn't Just Kiss Her", (click to listen) which is like, this parody of Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" (which was an EPIC FAIL).

"She's saying she only kissed me for the boy's attention,

She's trying to blame it on a little too much booze,

But I can testify she knew what she was doing,

It was almost like she's done it all before.
She's gonna go back to her boyfriend now,

Before the questions come up,

She's gonna tell 'em I'm stalking her round the clock,

Like I'm making the story up.
Bitch..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And the way she kind of mutters, "...bitch!" under her breath is too fucking cute.

Okay, okay, gonna go sleep for a while now, since the cleaners are coming later and sleeping through the cleaners would be an EPIC FAIL.

(by the way, I think only Alwy and I are the ones who say, "EPIC FAIL!", "WIN!" and "PWNED!" out loud.

Oh, well.

S'nice. :)

Anyway, today was pure shit. Please let tomorrow be better. My manicure got kind of fucked up.

...la camisa negra.

2010-04-02T00:03:00.002+08:00

Currently listening to: Didi Benami's Playing With Fire; Studio Version.
Currently watching: Tipping the Velvet.

For one thing, I need to stop playing with fire because;

1. no good can come out of it.

2. I could get third-degree burns and die.

I'm turning 18 in a few months.

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I know what I want to do with my life.

And I'm working towards that dream.

So that I can sit around in my pajamas all day.

Just like that girl in I Can't Think Straight.

(I keep confusing Tala and Leyla; meh, whatever).

But there, there's that word again.

My dream.

And knowing what I want to do with my life.

Personally, I don't think it's wrong.

Nope, to me, it's not wrong, at all.

Because I have so much to learn; I'm young.

But it is not wrong, really.

It's not wrong for me to want you to be there, in my dream.

To be a part of my life.

No, I'm not trying to justify anything, or myself to anyone.

Because, (refer to above notes), I don't have anything to prove.

Please let June come quickly.

...monday evening, and I really need to see you.

2010-03-30T19:11:00.004+08:00

But you're afraid

Of something different;

I'm afraid

This could be perfect.

Now I'm hoping you love me,

And I'm thinking it

Might be my turn,

I think you're perfect,

Almost perfect,

And maybe I might love you.

Don't be afraid

Of something different;

I think

This might be perfect.

-- Jeremy Ashida; Only If.

ME: *walks out of English class, drink in hand*

WE: *talk*

ME: *laughs, almost dropping drink; drink spills a little* Dude. See!

YOU: Not my fault. *faking hurt*

ME: *thinks* Oh, darling, you're so cute, marry me already.

Today was good. Except for getting a whacking from Mina (who will kill me, seriously, why are you laughing, she will kill me; hah!), which made my shoulder hurt up till now. Woman's fucking scary, okay, don't mess with her. :)

What else to say?

My day had lots of Chewable in it today. Ohdearlord, there is someone up there who knows I'm doing my MDM homework and thinks I'm a good kid who deserves rewarding.

Fire drill sucked; I should've gone to Pink with Aruna. Le sigh.

Okay, more tomorrow, if I feel like it.

And do you know what? Our babies would be the cutest-ever Indian-Portuguese-Iranian little things. With the Chewable-ness.

*thinks, smiles*

Awh, hell yeah.

--and make you like it.

2010-03-29T20:33:00.004+08:00

Your face reminds me of a flower,

Kind of like you're underwater;

Hair's too long and in your eyes,

Your lips, a perfect "suck me" size,

You act like you're fourteen years old,

Everything you say is so

Obnoxious, funny, true and mean.

I want to be your blowjob queen.

-- Liz Phair; Flower.

wonderful things = this, and you.

2010-03-25T14:22:00.004+08:00

Uh-huh. :) Awh, hell yeah.

Let me tell you a little bit about how I did my World Issues News Report. As usual, I procrastinated.

I started over the holiday week; Monday, to be exact, and as I was researching stuff about Shahar Peer, I was...

...reading my online copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire.

...talking to lots of people; mostly President Farid, Alwy, Sarosh and Helen.

...harrassing Chewable over facebook, which is why I think facebook is awesome.

...getting harrassed back by Chewable, which made my time-wasting and procrastinating totally worth it.

...talking to Nick on the phone and planning our lepak-sessions at night.

...downloading stuff off Ares.

...watching completely pointless videos on youtube.

BUT.

I got it done, by about 1:30 (yes, in the morning), by Monday, the next week.

And I was so ~~fucking~~ nervous (you can't swear in World Issues, or you get penalized), that I didn't eat anything except half a peanut-butter-chocolate-marshmallow cookie that Hanisah gave me.

I sat outside class for about half-an-hour and talked to Hanson, who is so nice, but really quiet.

~~(And I was praying that Ameera wouldn't come)~~.

Eventually, it was time for me to step up to the front of the class and face the ~~gallows~~ projector.

It was completely nerve-wracking (I like exaggerating a little bit), as I plugged Daddy's pendrive (because he stole mine) into the computer, with no sign of Ameera.

Hanson smiled. "You must be happy, she's not here."

I stood up there for about an hour and fifteen minutes, and I have no idea what I talked about; yeah, it's either I'm so full of shit that I can't remember, or that I was completely out of it, and couldn't remember anything, either.

But whatever, on with what happened the next day.

Blahblahblah, first two periods, then, World Issues quiz.

BANGBANGBANG.

Got up to leave, dropped off my paper with Ms. Nancy and she handed me my News Report rubric (yes, that is the picture up there).

I, being me, put it into my World Issues textbook, where I stuff everything for easy access. Went back to my seat, scribbled down the homework assignment, stood up to leave again, and shouted/whispered, "Thanks, Miss!" to Ms. Nancy.

She gave me a weird look, pointed to my textbook, shrugged and, when I shrugged back, in my, "Um, what?" way, she called me over.

Ms. Nancy: Did you look at it?

Me: Um, no? *sheepishly*

Ms. Nancy: Look at it! *smiles*

Me: Okay... *opens book, jaw drops open* Holy sh... Uh, I mean, thanks, Miss! Really. I, um, wow.

Ms. Nancy: Good job. *winks*

Me: *walks out of class, grinning from ear-to-ear and bouncing off the walls*

And that, my friends, was that. :)

Surprisingly, after my mid-term report, I'm scoring higher on World Issues than I am for English.

Maths, well, I'm getting there.

But I am HAPPY.

WAAAAAAUGH.

2010-03-24T01:08:00.001+08:00

Thank you, Lacey Stone, for making me want to SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD.

Ask me why if you want to.

I'm not gonna explain here.

I don't care.

Okay, that's a huge lie.

Whatever.

Gonna sleep now; it's stupid o'clock.

--angels and demons.

2010-03-17T21:30:00.004+08:00

Stephanie:
Aruna!
:D

Aruna:
STEPHANIEEE !!
:D
haha

Stephanie:
you so have to check out what I posted on *coughcoughcough*'s wall.

Aruna:
i dont have her as a friend
so how ?

Stephanie:
awh, shit
see if you can click on this link or something.

Aruna:
HAHHAH
omg shit funy
LMFAO

Stephanie:
I know right!!!
xD
Dude.
I don't wanna go on Monday.

Aruna:
i'll pray for you
shes gonna bite your head off

Stephanie:
and kick my ass so hard I'll shit through my mouth for one week, probably
o.O
what have I done?!

Aruna:
fuck hahahha
poor thing
you just had to tease the devil

Stephanie:
Her or me?!
I know, right, damn smart person I am.

Aruna:
her, hahahaah
your a geinus

Stephanie:
I know.
But then again, she probably won't be able to kill me
because god always beats the devil. :P

Aruna:
HAHAHAH
true true
but not when the devil is her

Stephanie:
but, if I push her off the building before she can get me...
...GAME OVER.
I win.

Aruna:
HAHAH ouchhh
but make sure its the third floor and not the first

Stephanie:
Oh, yeah.
btw, this is SO going on my blog
(without her name, of course)

Aruna:
HAHAH yess pls if not im gonna die on monday too
IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE !!!

Stephanie:
HAHAHA
Yeah! And I still have the message to spread!
...I don't know what message yet, but I'll find one.

Aruna:
HAHAHA
knowing you it wont even be a meaningful
message

Stephanie:
probably not. :D

Aruna:
it would be something like sex drugs for all

Stephanie:

No, it would be like, "Brush your teeth every day... and don't forget to bring your parents' copy for the Karma Sutra to school!"

Aruna:
hahahahahh
ya so true

FUCKING EPIC.

If I don't blog from Monday onwards... at least you know why now. :)

--I used to be open-minded, but my brains kept falling out.

2010-03-17T13:55:00.028+08:00

Six years ago, I didn't really like myself. (There, I said it). Six years ago, I was this;

Six years ago, if you had told me that I'd have friends like these, who put my underwear on their heads, I would've said you were talking crap.

If you had told me that I'd grow up to have alcohol for breakfast, I'd say, "But I don't like alcohol."

If you had told me that I'd go for World Youth Day in Sydney, I would've told you, "But I don't want to go alone."

If you had told me that I'd go on-stage at a formal school function and sing a song about pornography, I'd have laughed and said, "That sounds like something I'll do... in my dreams!"

If you had said that Nick would become a huge part of my life again, I'd probably be indifferent, but how I love him, now.

If you had told me that I'd overcome my stage-fright and play my violin in front of actual, living, breathing people, I would die of fright.

If you told me that I'd actually finish my Art Project, I wouldn't say anything, I'd just laugh in your face.

If you'd told me that I'd wear a pair of beat-up, awesome Darth Vader Converse to school, I'd say that Converse sucked because I had to tie laces.

If you told me that Confirmation was just around the corner, I'd moan and groan and bitch about how I had to attend Sunday School.

If you had told me that I'd actually enjoy Science class, and go on to score an A in it for SPM, I would've given you an excuse about how I hated the Periodic Tables.

If you had said that I'd endure a journey of many hours, squashed in the back of a van, just to see my grandfather's old house, I'd tell you that I had better things to do with my life.

If you had told me that I'd drink more alcohol than I'd drink water, I wouldn't have wanted to talk to you ever again, because you would be a bad influence.

If you said I'd crash a buggy outside my dad's Fraser's Hill house, I'd say, "But my dad doesn't have a Fraser's Hill house!"

If you had said that I'd wear a baju kurung and the heaviest eye-makeup in the world to graduation, I would've said, "But odds are I'm not gonna graduate, anyway."

If you had said that I'd wear a dress and three-inch heels, with Kar Weng as my date, and dance like a maniac at Betchh's prom, I would've said that I don't do proms.

If you had said I'd finish school, only to sit down at MDM class every morning, I would've smacked you for cursing me that way.

And if you'd told me I'd smile a lot during MDM, I'd have smacked you even harder.

If you said I'd make out with Rafael Nadal in a shopping mall, I'd have told you, quite plainly, that it would be impossible.

If you told me I'd trade in my five years at Bukit Jalil to have one year in Sunway, I wouldn't have wanted to.

If you had said that I'd grow up to be even louder and more obnoxious than I already am, I would've claimed that it would be impossible.

But I did.

And I have.

And I am.

And things have never been better.

--and they were dating. 0.o

2010-03-12T14:45:00.004+08:00

Alwy says:
back
He said like Alwy what r u doing here?
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
then?
"Eating, duh. Sudah buta ke?"
Alwy says:
LOL close close
"I don't know, eating i guess?"
This is my wife insertpunjabinamehere
i was like WHAT>
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

***
Alwy says:
no He sits beside me table and dates her
so after 5 minutes i just leave that place and went to carls junior
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
OMG.
He was just sitting there and they were dating, in front of you!
that is so traumatizing!
Alwy says:
LOL!!!
but his wife looks young u know
(or is it my eyes i don't know)
I thought she was waiting for her boyfriend or smthg then suddenly Mr. English came =_=
Stephanie [The worst piece of advice I've ever received; "Be sexy." But you are, so cute.] says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, it's official. In English class, I sit next to the funniest Indonesian guy, ever.

--replay.

2010-03-11T14:18:00.003+08:00

That girl, like something of a poster,

That girl is a dime, they say,

That girl is a gun to my holster,

She's running through my mind all day.

...

Doing things I never do,

I'm in the kitchen cooking things she likes,

We're real worldwide, breaking all the rules,

Someday I wanna make you my wife.

...

Shawty's like a melody in my head,

That I can't keep out, got me singing like,

Na na na na, everyday,

Like my iPod's stuck on replay.

So cute, right?

--placebo!

2010-03-09T20:31:00.002+08:00

Guess what, bitches?

Since daddy still owes me an outing...

...we're gonna go watch Placebo live in KL!

Yes, be very jealous, because my daddy is the awesomest daddy ever.

He used to listen to Placebo ages ago, when I was about a foot tall.

And yeah, I've been on a huge Placebo kick.

Protege-Moi is one of the most awesome songs, ever.

It's fucking e p i c, okay. :)

***

C'est le malaise du moment,
L'épidémie qui s'étend,
La fête est finie on descend,
Les pensées qui glaces la raison,
Paupières baissées, visage gris,
Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit,
On ouvre le loquet de la grille,
Du taudit qu'on appelle maison.

It is the uneasiness of the moment
The epidemic that spreads
The feast is finished one descends
The thoughts that freezes the reason
Fallen lids, gray face
Emerge the ghosts of our bed
One opens the latch of the grid
Of the hole that one calls home.

Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me form what I want
Protect me
Protect me.
Protège-moi, protège-moi {x4}.

Sommes nous les jouets du destin
Souviens toi des moments divins
Planants, éclatés au matin
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seul
Perdus les rêves de s'aimer
Le temps où on avait rien fait
Il nous reste toute une vie pour pleurer
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seul.

We're the puppets of destiny
Remember the divine moments
Hovering, exploded to the morning
And now we are all alone
Lost the dreams to like itself/themselves
The time where one had anything makes
We have a whole life to cry
And now we are all alone.

Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me
Protect me
Protect me from what I want (Protège-moi, protège-moi)
Protect me from what I want (Protège-moi, protège-moi)
Protect me from what I want (Protège-moi, protège-moi)
Protect me
Protect me
Protège-moi, protège-moi {x2}
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me
Protect me
{x3}
Protect me
Protect me, protège-moi.

--i keep hearing that karma is a bitch, but i don't know what she looks like.

2010-03-06T01:31:00.004+08:00

My day yesterday was awesome. And I don't mean to brag, because, well, CIMP has some pretty amazing people in it. Imagine if I was stuck doing stuff like A-Levels for like, a year and a half. I swear, my brain would be fried, and every single day, I'd probably look at myself in the mirror and go, "Just give me a rope."
Sweet dreams are made of these,
Who am I to disagree?
Okay, so MDM class went as usual, with me sitting there, getting bullied by Keith, who gets it paid back in full by Mina every Wednesday at dance class (okay, so maybe she's got one good thing going on, right?). She slapped him last Wednesday, but he deserved it. Awh, Keith, you know I'm kidding and I love you very much. You're my favorite. :)
I came here to make you dance tonight,
And I don't care about my guilty pleasure for you...
...So cynical,
Poor baby; I can dish it cause I know how to take it,
You're never gonna win em all,
So fuck 'em if they can't take a joke,
I'm just playing.
Blahblahblah, break and I walked around like a headless chicken, trying to decide what to eat. I can't remember what I ate -- I think it was a chicken and cheese Hot Roll (I know, right, my life is so exciting). Sat with Aina over period 2, whom I also love very much, because she is like whoa! creative and read her essay, which was a brilliant take on religion. You know what? Today she brought Keith's hula skirt and I swear, it was so cute; I wanted to wear it the whole day. But then Chewable might not have thought it was very sexy.
There's blood spilled on the floor,
Everyone's staring at you; what for?
Till you realize that the blood is probably yours...
...Will you feel sorry for what you've done?
Will you put down your gun?
After that, World Issues. Hung out outside class, found out that Ms. Nancy knows only one phrase in BM, gave Ameera the grape Mentos I owed her for filling in our MDM ISU form. Watched the last part of War Made Easy and then Ameera did her presentation about freedom of speech. I had no idea I was the only one who knew what the people waving the rainbow-colored flag were. I mean. Dude. Isn't it obvious? Gay, la, duh. Anyway, I really enjoyed her presentation, it made me think, which isn't something I like to do very often, but it's okay, once in a while.
And I can't believe in nothing, or anyone,
That I can't see,
You know it's better than it's ever been,
And that's good enough for me.
Ran off to English after that, got harrassed by Cedric, who said I was late (but I wasn't). Chewable. Smile, swoon, giggle, pretend to concentrate, get smiled and winked at again, repeat process. Oh, what a happy day. Actually, every last period is a good one for me. :) Stef and I teamed up for English, again. She's awesome, too. Mani switched classes, so we can't tease him anymore (oh, oh, he has green eyes, I actually asked him what color they were and told him how pretty they are), but Jin Soo and Alwy are still there. Big Korean boy and medium-sized Chinese-Indonesian boy. Mr. Warren did accents, which had Cedric doing accents till even after class. *rolls eyes*
Flew home, back to where we met,
Stayed inside, I was so upset,
Cooked up a plan, so good except,
I was all alone, you were all I had.
Class finished, got my ISU form from (hah, that's kinda funny) Mina, went downstairs and gave Choon Kit his ISU form. Met up with Helen and Alyzza and Sarosh and Aruna eventually. We saw Sarosh's Genghis Khan people banging away on their drums. I think I'm still deaf in one ear. It sounded like a stripper song. Heh. Then, Helen left and we went into the ISO to play foosball and sit around. Aruna and Sarosh beat Alyzza and I, so congrats to them. :) We'll get them next time! The people playing table-tennis were really careless, so I might've... mentioned some stuff to them, but oh well, it's not like they know my parents, right?
You meant to make me happy, make me sad,
Want to make it better, better so bad,
But save your resolutions for another new year,
There is only one solution I can see here.
By the way, Alyzza is completely fucking awesome, I tell you. Hanging out with her pretty much made my day. She's like the poster-child for perverts everywhere, and it's so kinky -- how can you not love it? We teased Sarosh about his man-boobs. He practically got mentally-raped by the three of us (yes, Aruna, you're considered an accomplice) and eventually (actually, just as it was about to start), we left for the OSSLT talk-thingy-whatever. Needless to say, we got there late (blame it on the foosball) and there was no place to sit. Samar and Fahmi were there, too. Samar is fanfuckingtastic, okay. She's like, this Queen-Latifah-esque diva. It's fabulous.
My chick can have whatever she wants,
Go in the store, buy anything she wants,
And know you ain't never had a man like that,
Buy you anything your heart desire like that.
Anyway, the classroom was packed, and we had to stand at the back like a bunch of people on board the Titanic, and Sarosh and I immediately started singing the theme song. Aruna was like, "Okay, I don't know you!", which actually made us want to sing even louder, but because we love her, we didn't. Scary-eyes-girl was there, asking stupid questions all the way and wasting our time. We left the first chance we got.
It's in the way that you fool everyone,
When you're falling in love again,
So tell me how this ends.
'Cause no one knows you like I do,
They don't see you like I do, baby,
They'll try to, but if only they knew,
They'll never come close to...
And you brighten up the world with your eyes,
And you're so damn lonely when you're on my mind,
'Cause you're the only one, you.
Went back to the ISO, stood around for a while before deciding to play pool. Here's where it gets fun. Sarosh handed his pool cue to Alyzza, who promptly poked herself in the eye with it. I swear, it went something like this:
Sarosh: Alyzza, it's easy, I'll show you! *gives her pool cue*
Alyzza: I suck at it!
Sarosh: Just try.
Alyzza: Okay, okay...
And we all turned around, waiting for Alyzza to shoot, then we heard this thump and an, "OW!" When we turned around, Alyzza was there, clutching her eye, the pool cue on the floor, alone. Of course, I felt sorry for her, since she's such an awesome, perverted person and all, but it was just so funny. She got a can of Soya Bean and stuck it to her eye. I swear, I couldn't shoot straight after that; I was giggling so hard!
Cause you give me the electric twist,
And it kicks and it kicks like a pony,
And true, you might run away with it,
It's a risk, it's a risk, yeah,
Because it kicks, yeah,
It really kicks, yeah,
And the touch of your lips; it's a shock not a kiss,
It's electric twist, it's electric twist.
Then I had to leave. Ugh. Gave my pool cue to Farid, Mr. CIMP prez (who won, by the way -- Malaysians totally PWN Pakistanis xD). Left, went home, collapsed on my bed, got up, went for dinner, which was totally awesome. Couscous and every dinner should come with shisha. Authentic, Iranian shisha. :) Iranians are dead sexy, okay. Smoked out to cherry flavor and bought a bowl to smoke back home. Yes, it was more expensive, but it tasted better. Might've been because of the company I was with, but... yeah, good food, good shisha, good people. I liked dinner, I loved the company.
Pink, it was love at first sight,
Pink, when I turn out the light,
Pink, gets me high as a kite,
And I think everything is going to be alright,
No matter what we do tonight...
I want to be your lover,
I wanna wrap you in rubber,
As pink as the sheets that we lay on,
Pink is my favorite crayon.
Got a text later, but whatever, I'm in a good mood, so I won't spoil it. :) Oh, and Alwy Christo quoted me on facebook. I swear, I have the most awesome people in my English class. Even Jin Soo is really funny. His Korean accent is so cute! I don't get why Koreans have to talk like that -- it's so laid back and gentle. Speaking of languages, we all got a lecture from Sarosh on how to say, "Hindu." Apparently, you say it like this, in Pakistan;

"Hin-thoo."

But Helen, Aruna, Sabrina, Alyzza and I say it like this;

"Hin-DU."

as do all Malaysians.

Okay, yeah, that was our lesson plan for today. Class is OUT. :)

--mayo and mentos.

2010-03-04T20:53:00.003+08:00

ARUNA: I want the chicken and cheese, but I don't like mayonnaise.
STEPH: So just tell them not to put, la.
ARUNA: You can do that?!
STEPH: Um, yeah!
ARUNA and STEPH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HOT-ROLL KAKAK: *looks at Helen*
HELEN: *shrugs at Hot-Roll Kakak*
ARUNA and STEPH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, and this is completely random, but you know what?

You have some of my English homework.

And most of my Mentos that Helen and Najwa say tastes like medicine.

And, very possibly, my heart.

OH, OH, OH.

And, Sarosh and Mana -- CELAKA! ;)

(yes, very random, I know)

AND.

Mel, Aina and Aruna are joining SALSA the week after next.

That's, like, half of Dairy Products (which is the very cool name of our band -- I dare you to disagree).

So yeah.

I haz a happee.

OKBAI. :)

--yeah, well...

2010-03-04T20:31:00.005+08:00

You know what? Fuck you, too!
You have no right to say what you did about me, because you don't even have the slightest idea what's going on inside my head.
I'm perfectly fine, but bitches, you need mental help.
I never said anything about you. You're probably so fucking full of yourself that you assumed that it was about you.
Get yourselves a brain!
So, I know, you might hate me for those comments. And you might call me a fuck, say I'm full of bullshit, blahblahblah, whatever whiny shit goes through your head at times like these.
I swear, I don't even know anymore (you're fucking insane, by the way; so fucking get help).
I never said anything in the first place, so watch your tone. You never know what might come back and bite you in the ass.
Don't say I know nothing about family. I know a hell of a lot more than you. I wasn't the one sitting there, pretending not to know anyone and ignoring my own grandmother.
So, fuck you. Lots and lots and lots.
I tried. I promised her I'd try, and I did. I came there, sat next to you and fucking tried to make small talk. And she knows it.
The next thing I know, you're claiming I said shit about you. Which is utter rubbish. I'm sorry, but you're not a very big part of my life, and therefore, I just don't talk about you.
So you know what? Fuck you.
And I would really advise you to think before confronting me. Because, y'know, I actually finished school.
Not to mention, I heard so much shit about you for the past couple of years, and not only did I deny it, but I stuck up for you. It's so stupid that you hear one thing about me and you believe it.
But hey, as Amelie would say, c'est la vie.
And fuck you very much; stay the fuck away from me and out of my life.
Kaythxbai.

--little romance.

2010-03-01T15:11:00.002+08:00

Can I have the last chance,

To be your little romance,

Can I have the last dance,

I'm in the mood for love.

If it's the only chance I get,

If it's the only chance then get,

Ready to throw your shoes away,

For I will sweep sweep sweep,

You off your feet,

For I will sweep sweep sweep,

To be your little romance.

I'm in the mood for you,

You're in the mood for me,

We're in the mood for love.

...just in case you didn't know.

2010-03-01T14:55:00.002+08:00

I love anything by Ingrid Michaelson.

Um, okay, what else is new?

I saw Chewable today and I swear, Chewable was just so... Chewable.

And Chewable came over to see me, before I went over, so that's pretty cool.

(Maybe I should stay back later in English class more).

Apart from that, we have Grandma staying with us for the week.

Yesterday, she nagged me about my pajama pants, which, according to her, were too low and showing off my bright-orange knickers.

But it's okay, it's all love, all love, baby. :)

Anyway, more eventually, I'm exhausted and my bed calls.

(Was falling asleep in MDM, sorry, Ms. Chia).

--rainbow boy, rainbow road.

2010-02-24T00:46:00.003+08:00

I wanna kiss you.

But if I do, then I might miss you, babe.

I'm gonna do it tomorrow. :)

Something for you to remember me by.

I'm gonna miss you, very much, chubby boy.

You've been part of my life for eight years.

I don't get why it has to stop now.

Two words;

don't go.

--if they knew what I've become.

2010-02-22T16:15:00.011+08:00

you make me better,

you give me pleaure,

it's just your effect on me;

you've taught me a lesson,

now I'm behaving,

must be what's best for me,

you make me sweeter,

you give me fever,

I'm a believer.

...

do you feel super,

I'm the new girl curled around your finger,

I've taken your potion,

and now I'm senseless,

defenseless,

a fool;

the spell I'm under is you,

it's you.

...

you're just what's come over me,

you're what's gotten into me,

you're who did this thing to me,

I used to be so bad,

but you,

you make me better,

you give me pleasure,

must be whats best for me,

you make me sweeter,

you give me fever,

I'm a believer;

a true believer.

Extremely kinky, yes, I know, but I'm loving Dragonette (whoops, almost typed in Soho Dolls there) here. :)

Oh, oh, oh, and today!

Sarosh and I went to ask Meena if she's taller than him, and you know what?

She isn't.

Suck that, Sarosh. :)

You can't be scared of her anymore!

(Granted, she looked at us like we were completefuckingly insane, but it takes some getting used to).

On a lighter note, Stafanie Gee and I have almost finished our English short story thingy.

YAY FOR US.

Okay, sleepy now, and done with my MDM.

More later, or follow me on twitter. :)

Oh, and by the way?

Floppy is extremefuckingly cute.

And, and, and.

Sarosh, don't be mad, I give you permission to blog about me in return. :)

--letter to my partner.

2010-02-20T02:07:00.002+08:00

Dear Stefanie Gee,

I apologize for this abrupt letter, but it needs to be said, once and for all.

I am NOT wearing a dress for our presentation in front of the whole class. For one thing, it obstructs me getting to class quickly, and for another thing, I will not have anywhere to place my personal belongings, i.e., wallet, phone, etc.

Please understand.

Your partner,
Stephanie Fernandez.
:)

--gagaoohlala.

2010-02-16T21:35:00.002+08:00

F U C K I N G

E P I C.

--i tell you what i'd do.

2010-02-16T12:28:00.004+08:00

I miss you, lady. :(

Elena: Amelie, what the fuck is this thing?

Amelie: Um... Just take it and you can teach your kids Geography later.
Elena: Okay, okay...

---

"...walking the miles, singing the blues,

learning to love what god gives to you ,

f he gave me rockets on the bottom of my shoes,

I tell you what I'd do;

I'd burn my sole where the sun was new,

and find the way,

the way to you..."

- Brandi Carlile; The Way to You

--vday.

2010-02-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

Uh, yeah.

There's nothing much to say, really.

Missing my fellow CIMP-ians.

Keith, Sabrina, Sarosh, Ravi, Helen, Aina, Mel, Hanisah.

I bet Aina's missing Abdullah, no? :)

(sorry, Aina)

Uhmm.

mygodfuck, I miss Chewable so much.

Anyway.

Have an awesome one.

And appreciate your loved ones.

I'm busy appreciating Amelie Simone Mauresmo.

And a couple of others.

But I love y'all, too. :)

Happy Panty-Absence Day!

(refer to newspapers)

--movie night.

2010-02-10T23:19:00.002+08:00

Stephanie-Jo Fernandez.

Haz a happee.

And an eated brain.

--i'll tell all my friends. :)

2010-02-09T20:02:00.004+08:00

And oh, we’ll dance around it all night,

And then I’ll follow you outside,

And try to open up my mouth,

And nothing comes out right.

(sounds so familiar, okay).

We’ll fall disgustingly fast,

And we’ll stop hanging out with friends,

And they’ll be so offended.

And I wanna fall in love with you again,

I don’t have to try;

It’s so easy,

Who needs to pretend?

But because it’s so funny,

Let’s just think about it, honey,

Let’s just fall in love again.

Just my random, favorite bits. :) Had this in my head the whole day. Ask Aina.

--negeri sembilan; malacca; johor.

2010-02-08T00:28:00.003+08:00

Some pictures from our trip, because I just got them, even though it was in late December. :) Sorry. And not to worry, there's many more to come, but bear with me now; it's late and I'm a college student.

Mom, Jermaine, me, aunty Reggie, Big, Uncle Christy and Uncle Jayaraj outside my grandpa's (mommy's dad) old school.

Daddy, mommy and me outside my grandpa's (daddy's dad) old house, where daddy grew up. Silly man wants to buy it again.

The second and third Fernandez generation outside the first generation's old house.

Daddy, aunty Reggie and me with the lady who helped birth them. I was like, "Omgwow." So jakun, I tell you.

And that's my grandpa's old clinic. Yes, the grandpa who was daddy's dad and who loved me very much. I was his favorite, okay.

--honey, I swear.

2010-02-06T00:50:00.003+08:00

Because I haven't been showing Brandi Carlile much love, lately.

So, yeah, here goes. :)

...

"...it took a lot of missing you to see the truth..."

---

"...it's not about hanging on; it's making my deal with God..."

---

"...follow your heart and see where it might take you..."

---

"...to find me a place where the bridge doesn't burn..."

(this is the first-ever Brandi song I heard; I was 12).

---

"...I know that there might come a day
where my life is through
But I just want to be closer to you..."

---

"...This love branches out like an oak tree
Reach for the sky and roots to the sea..."

(which inspired the tattoo I'm getting on my back)

---

"...And how could you just disappear
And when did you stop
Missing me..."

(this one sounds like she's saying "Amelie" in the chorus)

---

"...I got tired of you; what's a girl to do?"

---

"...And I think the world of myself
But the world doesn't think much of me..."

(the first time I heard this, I was like, "This song was fucking written for me.")

---

"...I promise there's a downside; something you can't see..."

---

"...When you need a friend
You could count on anyone
But you know I'll defend
The tragedy that we knew as
The end..."

---

"...I would darken my windows so I can fall asleep
While the critics frown down on the hours
I keep that leave me
Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming
Your real world away..."

(brilliant take on sleep; I dare you to disagree)

---

"...You see the smile that 's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out..."

---

"...Then just when we believed we could be great;

Reality it permeates..."

---

"...If you only knew my mind was full of razors..."

(Nick heard this as, "full of raisins")

---

"...And so I hate that your overrated;

Most revered and celebrated,

Cause you're wasted..."

---

"...I have seen your nine to fives
Wash away your dreams..."

---

"...Oh but still, if you were gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see..."

---

"...The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today..."

---

"...My one and only wrecking ball
And you're crashing through my walls..."

(I know this is super-greedy, but I want this tattooed, as well)

---

"...And now I'm lost in a sea of sunken dreams
While the sound of drunken screams..."

(see how she rotates the s and the d? It's amazing)

---

"...They are nothing like you thought
You can't be something you are not
Life is not a looking glass..."

---

"...And now, in my dreams
I can feel the weight
I coul just come clean
Keep it to yourself
I know what it means
I can't have you
But I have dreams..."

(This song is about sex-dreams; Bradi said it XD)

---

"...But I missed you and your antics..."

(Makes me think of Randy, for some reason)

---

"...Because you are still the only thing
That constantly amazes me
I love the road and I've been blessed
But I love you best..."

(This is cute, especially since she wrote it for her little neice)

---

"...Say you'll wait, say you won't
Say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
Let it bend before it breaks..."

and

"...I'm alright, don't I always seem to be
Aren't I swinging on the stars
Don't I wear 'em on my sleeves..."

---

"...It's been time to let you go a thousand times
To never know that it hurts to be the one that you'd regret
I have to say that I am proud to know you
And I'll never be the same because we met..."

---

"...I'm singing out of tune
If there was no you..."

(One word: NICK.)

---

"...Curse these shackles that you put on me
And blessed be the day that you set me free..."

(This is exactly how Helen and I feel in relationships, and Brandi, too)

---

"...It's only you that my heart desires
Only you alone can break my fall
I pace the floor and I wish for more
While you were dreamin' with your paper dolls..."

(CHEWABLE.)

---

"...I'm so angry it's so sad..."

---

"...Cause I don’t want to be the sober one,

And I don’t want to be your only one,

I don’t want to be alone tonight,

Is this alright..."

(The nut who always nags me about drinking)

---

"...Hey, well I know you’re worried,

About what you’re gonna say..."

---

"...Nothing short of miracles,

Can save a small and dying world..."

---

"...maybe on some other day I'll find my way..."

---

"...I want to scratch my eyes out of my head,

Because I'm tired and I'm broken,

So can I spend the rest of my life in bed?

They say that pain can set you free

Well I guess we'll see..."

---

"...solitary sense it finally comes over me,

I made it through another week,

I know just where I want to be..."

(after another week of college...)

---

"...but thoughts of you could give me smile lines,

I laughed myself to sleep because I knew..."

---

"...I gave you the moon and the stars to keep,

but you gave them back to me..."

---

"...so I was happier pretending,

until the shadows hide your face,

and I can barely make a sound..."

---

"...Maybe we can meet again,

On the avenue of second starts,

And we have to fall in love,

Because we both have broken hearts..."

(I just want to kill her for this; too fucking cute!)

---

"...one magic kiss and a soft little song,

sleepy head eyes and a great big yawn,

or two,

good night,

I love you..."

(This one can make my 5"9' daddy tear up)

---

"...But I don't need you,

And I don't want you here tonight,

I just wanna know that I will wake up

confident my head is screwed on tight..."

---

"...We can pretend we live,

In a world that forgives..."

(NEW ONE! *happydance)

---

"...I'll take my wings with a heart that's true,

and find the way to you..."

(Again, a new one. *happydance*)

---

"...honey, I swear, your love is my repair..."

(My latest favorite).

---

Um, yeah. Basically, all I wanted to say is that Brandi's a genius and I love her a lot. :)

--i can't explain in any other way.

2010-02-01T22:53:00.003+08:00

I need to bold,

Need to jump in the cold water,

Need to grow older with a girl like you,

Finally see you were naturally

The one to make it so easy,

When you show me the truth,

I'd rather be with you,

Say you want the same thing too,

Say you feel the way I do.

I love Joshua Radin for coming up with that.

--now I remember.

2010-02-01T21:40:00.006+08:00

I know absolutely nothing about tennis, this season.

But I do know this.

Rafael Nadal Parera, I fucking love you. :)

Oh, right.

This is why I watch tennis.

--this week, I...

2010-01-29T12:16:00.003+08:00

...failed my MDM test badly, only to realize the questions were simple and I can actually do them.

...got the wrong paper back from my English teacher and started freaking out, because the marks on the other one were terrible.

...learned how to draw graphs with my calculator. Yes, my RM 450 calculator.

...re-read The Girl from Mars by Tamara Bach and realized how much my life resembles Miriam's.

"A phrase occurs to me. You led me on. Why do I only
think of that now?"
-- Tamara Bach, The Girl from Mars.

...ran around with Bikini Kill's Rebel Girl stuck in my head, forever and ever and ever.

"In her hips, there's revolutions."

..replied a few e-mails.

...tweeted like nobody's business; I think I'm becoming a twitter addict.

...claimed my ISU topic for World Issues, and the teacher was really nice about it.

...went for my first-ever LATIN DANCE CLASS and danced with Sarosh, who's really good at it.

...lovingly argued and traded insults with Hernandez.

...spoke to Nick for quite some time and got his opinion on lots of stuff.

...wore a bright-pink shirt to classes today and shocked Charmaine, who never expected to see me in that color.

...worked on our MDM ISU with Keith and Helen. I colored it and it was fun. Keith held the color pencils for me. What service!

...drank Red Bull over and over and over again.

Me, Keith, Shakilone, Sabrina. :)

--this is it, can you hear me?

2010-01-24T17:47:00.003+08:00

Uh, more later?

Dinner calls. :)

And yeah, I know my hair's not working.

--2010

2010-01-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

This should've come a lot earlier, but... :)

Thank you for Cadbury.
I love that boy, so, so much; he’s mine, I’m his.

Thank you for my family.
Behind all the arguments and cold wars, are hearts that beat as one.

Thank you for Helen.
I would be lost without her guiding OCD.

Thank you for Amelie Mauresmo.
For letting me see that one-handed backhand for four years.

Thank you for Ash by Malinda Lo.
It’s a brilliant example of how far queer Asians can go.

Thank you for Kaisa from Ash by Malinda Lo.
Now, if only Kaisa was real…

Thank you for Nick.
I couldn’t have asked for a clearer mirror.

Thank you for black-ink, Pilot G-2, 0.5 pens.
I love them.

Thank you for Motorola.
It’s my silent vendetta for Jews.

Thank you for Jews.
Joshua Bell and Natalie Portman are perfect examples.

Thank you for Amy.
I would be completely lost in clothing stores without her.

Thank you for Brandi Carlile.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. So freaking much.

Thank you for cheese-fries.
They’re great while watching Imagine Me & You.

Thank you for Imagine Me & You.
The only movie I liked as much as I Can’t Think Straight.

Thank you for Shamim Sharif.
The world needs more women unafraid to speak up.

Thank you for Yasmin Ahmad.
She was amazing while she lasted.

Thank you for Vivien.
She makes me laugh, and is the only person as vulgar as I am.

Thank you for colorful underwear.
I especially love the pair with rainbows.

Thank you for Rafael Nadal.
Just, thanks.

Thank you for online forums.
Pictures, music scores, articles, yeah.

Thank you for board shorts.
The only thing that you can actually wear in Malaysian weather.

Thank you for pasta in the shape of tiny stars.
They’re very cool – fun to look at, and nice to eat.

Thank you for the anonymous hottie (now named) in the elevator.
I now know that there’s a god who believes that I’m a good person.

Thank you for Naz.
You know I love you, so fucking much.

Thank you for my ability to do impersonations.
It’s great for scaring my little cousins.

Thank you for Aimee Mann’s music.
It leaves me speechless.

Thank you for Strangers in Paradise by Terry Moore.
It’s proof that straight, middle-aged men don’t completely suck.

Thank you for Mary-Beth Baker’s implied happy ending in Strangers in Paradise.
I actually squealed like a little girl when she sort-of ended up with Casey.

Thank you for Marat and Dinara.
Cutest sibling doubles team, ever.

Thank you for Wicked, the musical.
I can’t get enough of it.

Thank you for Spider Solitaire.
It makes me feel superior.

Thank you for Carin.
She listens, doesn’t judge and doesn’t yell.

Thank you for Blink-182.
I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for I Miss You.

Thank you for making the transition from BJ to Sunway easy.
And thank you for Sabrina, Shakilone, Keith and Sarosh.

Thank you for Zacky.
Without him: Math = Epic fail.

Thank you for little kids.
Marcus, Jaeda, you kill my bad moods.

Thank you for Kinokuniya.
The only place to find excellent, banned books.

Thank you for alcohol.
Need I say more?

Thank you for twitter.com
Best. Ever.

Thank you for Hernandez.
Even if I don’t appreciate you, half the time.

Thank you for my sarcasm and cynicism and bitterness.
Life can’t always be sweet.

Thank you for my sense of humor.
Epic win.

Please, let this year be a good one.

--wow.

2010-01-20T23:59:00.004+08:00

And how would you like to marry me, Lucas?

Anyway, I thought I was over those punkboys kinda thing.

And technically, I am.

Lucas Silveira from The Cliks is a boi.

So, yeah. :)

Getchurr facts right.

This is completely random.

I'm just kind of in lust.

--rock, roll, hammer, sponge, Jon :)

2010-01-20T15:39:00.004+08:00

jonathan says:
spongebob
or hmmm
hmmmmmm
Stephanie [I think you're really cute. And chewable.] says:
hmmmmmmmmm
jonathan says:
u think yours very long ah
Stephanie [I think you're really cute. And chewable.] says:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
HHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
jonathan says:
u win lah u win
Stephanie [I think you're really cute. And chewable.] says:
awesome!
you sponge, la Jon
oh, wait
you're a guy.
uhhh...
you hammer, la
jonathan says:
wohooo
i wanna be a rock
so i can rock
hehe
Stephanie [I think you're really cute. And chewable.] says:
hahaha
then I can push you down the stairs
so you can rock and roll
jonathan says:
HAHAHAHA
awesome awesome
nice
i shall do that
where can i meet u ah
so while i rock and roll, u can be soft

HAHAHAHA, Jon. :)

Currently listening to: Kate Nash's cover of;

I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You.

Pure awesomeness.

Word's on the streets and it's all out too,

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you,

He's got two left feet and he bangs my mood,

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance! dance! dance!

The second I do, I know that we'll be through,

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you,

He suspects a thing that I wish I did do,

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance! dance! dance! dance.

Which is how I sortakinda feel right now.

Okay, I'm off to tell Nick.

Oh, and HAPPY ~~erotic eighteenth~~ (haha) BIRTHDAY, to one of my four BFFA's - Chiam Carin.

I love you, so much, woman. :)

Then again, I wished you over the phone, so yeah.

FINALLY LEGAL.

So, we have to go out.

Lots of love from me and Cadbury and Amelie!

I found this from ages ago. :D

--singular acceptance.

2010-01-19T23:25:00.002+08:00

Once again, the universe has proven...

...that anything you can do,

I can do better.

Currently listening to: Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter.

I can't take my mind off of you,

I can't take my mind...

My mind...

Till I find somebody new.

--build it, then kill it.

2010-01-18T21:49:00.004+08:00

You are worth waiting a lifetime for.

And I would, if you asked.

Ohmyfuckinggoodgod; I miss you, so fucking much.

Especially now, seeing Sveta at the AO.

I'm halfway through World Issues homework.

And haven't even gotten my 20 datum (hah) for MDM yet.

My parents went out for dinner.

Therefore, I was stuck home alone, without food.

About 15 minutes into my lonliness (and homework), I got a call.

Hernandez: Yo.

Me: Hi, you.

Hernandez: What's up?

Me: I'm home alone, and have no food.

Hernandez: Want me to come over?

Me: Only if you bring food.

Hernandez: Go like this; fo' sho'.

Me: Um, fer shureee.

Hernandez: Weirdo. Why you gotta be like that?

And Hernandez brought me Chinese fried noodles.

Sigh.

Perfection.

The noodles, I mean.

Currently listening to: Rachael Yamagata - Elephants.

If the elephants have past lives,

Yet are destined to always remember,

It's no wonder how they scream,

Like you and I, they must have some temper.

And I am dreaming of them on the plains,

Dirtying up their beds,

Watching for some kind of rain;

To cool their hot heads.

And how dare that you send me that card,

When I'm doing all that I can do,

You are forcing me to remember,

When all I want is to just forget you.

If the tiger shall protect her young,

Then tell me how did you slip by,

All my instincts have failed me for once;

I must have somehow slept the whole night.

And I am dreaming of them with their kill,

Tearing it all apart,

Blood dripping from their lips,

And teeth sinking into hearts.

And how dare that you say you will call,

When you know I need some peace of mind,

If you had to take sides with the animals,

Won't you do it with one who is kind?

If the hawks in the trees need the dead,

If you're living you don't stand a chance,

You can lie there and say you are fed,

But there are only two ends to this dance.

You can flee with your wounds just in time,

Or lie there as he feeds,

Watching yourself ripped to shreds,

And laughing as you bleed.

So for those of you falling in love,

Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right,

Throw yourself in the midst of danger,

But keep one eye open at night.

I usually post one verse, but I couldn't decide which to go with.

It's just so... lyrically perfect.

Kudos, Rachael. :)

--this boy. :)

2010-01-17T01:04:00.003+08:00

NICK: Like this. You play along, okay?
STEPH: Um, okay.
NICK: Hey, dude.
STEPH: Yeah?
NICK: You dropped something over there.
STEPH: Where?
NICK: THERE!
STEPH: Uh, okaaaay. *looks around* What did I drop?
NICK: My jaw!
STEPH: *stares weirdly at her cousin*
NICK: See? Foolproof.
STEPH: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ahahahahahahahahahaha. HAAAAAAHAHAHA.
.
Sigh.
Nick, Nick.
I love you, so damn much. :)

--tomorrow, I'll miss you.

2010-01-15T15:57:00.007+08:00

Okay, I'm a fan of elevators.

How can you not love them?

They're easy to use,

they actually are useful,

and...

Sometimes, they even have hotties in there. :)

(Oh, and Sabrina, I think I got the wrong guy, apologies. Mine's much cuter. :P)

Anyway, I've been meeting new people, and it's great.

I totally lovelovelove Pre-U.

I've met this guy called Cedric (or Voldemort), who kept waving his dictionary in my face.

I've met another guy, Alwy, from Indonesia.

And Matt, who looks like Shi Zun (SHI ZUN, I MISS YOU).

Also a couple of other fun people.

So, this is what my lepak group at the CIMP program is like:

Helen; needs to introduction. Ask her to write her own.

Sarosh; Pakistani, huge, mom says he's handsome.

Shakilone; also known as Add-Math, and Ravi. Opinionated, but I like him.

Sabrina; who's Indian Inside (heh, geddit?). She speaks Tamil, which makes Helen and I feel stupid. But she is AWESOME.

Keith; huge, Canadian, makes me feel tiny. He's in my MDM class.

This is long overdue, but...

I like you a lot, think you're really hot.

We'll let Helen be the judge of your fingers, eyh?
.

And I'm currently listening to: All My Loving - Amy Winehouse.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,

Tomorrow I'll miss you,

Remember I'll always be true,

And then while I'm away,

I'll write home every day,

And I'll send all my loving to you.

--by your side, indefinitely.

2010-01-11T22:04:00.006+08:00

Fuck the fame.

Fuck the money.
Fuck the fortune.
.
I want my love to take root inside your heart.
I'm waiting for you, with my soul unravelled.

I miss; so fucking much.

---
Anyway. Classes have started, officially.

I'm actually getting the hang of the whole place; at the very least, I can find my classes.

Then again, I've always had that GPS built into my head.

Last week, I didn't get into the English 4U program that I wanted.
Instead, I got into the English 4C one.

Today, my 4C lecturer told me that I should consider 4U.

If you'd asked me a week ago, I'd have said yes;

now, I'm not so sure.

But, like Helen's dad says, it's good to be able to make that choice.

In World Issues, I spoke about Cadbury; as the thing I value the most.

My boy. <3

Most everyone else spoke about family.

Helen chose hands.

One other guy did music.

If I were to choose music, I'd've said, Melissa Etheridge.

Other kids grew up with the Barney Soundtrack.

Well, hah.

I grew up with Melissa Etheridge, kd lang, Joan Jett.

And they wonder why I hate hip-hop. :)

And Maths of Data Management was well, Math.

Yup, that's it.

And I'm trying out a new style of blogging.

Thoughts?

Oh, and I'm currently loving Chris Pureka very, very much.

That's the link to Come Back Home, a must-listen.

I've got walls, I've got wings,

I am ready for the fire,

I've got trust in nothing,

See I lost it by and by,

But I've got something shining somewhere,

Honey I dream on the sly,

Won't you come back home?

Okay, I'm tired, so.

No words.

No talk.

I'm going dreaming.

--sunway, day four.

2010-01-07T22:57:00.004+08:00

Cigarette Man: "You're Abu Bakar."

Sarosh: "No, I'm Sarosh."

Cigarette Man: "You sure you don't want to be Abu Bakar?"

Cigarette Man: "So, you would be Sarosh."

Sarosh: "What do you mean, you would be Sarosh? I am Sarosh!"

Cigarette Man: "Don't confuse me."

And Sarosh came downstairs and told us. We laughed our asses off.

Dude.

He's Sarosh.

Is that so damn hard to pronounce?!

Say it with me - Sa-rosh.

See?

Easy. :)

Currently listening to: Aimee Mann - She Really Wants You.

Oh, and Sulekha?

If I see her, I'll punch her. :)

--silver bells, and open fire, and songs we used to sing.

2009-12-27T01:42:00.002+08:00

Christmas pictures!

You can see my highlights here! I was praying (yeah, right, pssh);

"Dear Ellen, thank you for letting all these amazing boys come to my grandma's house and save me from boredom." Hah.

Tze Hooi, me.

Ladies; take one.

Take two.

The ~~boy~~ husband (the sexiest one in the universe) who charmed the pants off everyone. :)

Thank you guys for coming, you made my Christmas.

Hm, Randy's brother got so drunk, it was hilarious, and insane.

My mom was blind to all the alcohol going around, but whatever. :)

well, then.

2009-12-25T17:44:00.005+08:00

It's not the end of the world,
It's not even over, but it will be soon,
I never learn my lesson,
I just change my tune.
And no one seems to notice,
But you will, you will.

It's no big deal,
But the last thing I think of when I close my eyes,
And the first thing on my mind when I rise,
Is that day when you're not really in my life.

You can try and you won't find it where you're looking,
You can't hold it till it's putty in your hands,
And you can't break a heart that wasn't even yours to break,
You could never be there for me in the end;
I will do the right thing
I will.

You're not fooling me,
I'm not the sort of girl who can't see reason,
But it's nothing that a little bit of time won't heal,
I know it don't come easy,
But I love you,
I do.

And coming clean means never closing curtains,
I just change my scene,
Oh but you'll know what I mean,
And I will learn throughout my life to never lean on what will bend.

I can try and I won't find it where I'm looking,
I can't hold it 'til it's putty in my hands,
You can't break a heart that wasn't even yours to break,
You could never be there for me in the end,
And I will do the right thing,
I will.

I don't think you ever learned a thing from me,
But I'm sure that you want me to learn from you,
And you've drawn heavy handed lines around morality,
About yourself and I don't share your point of view,
It's been time to let you go a thousand times,
To never know that it hurts to be the one that you'd regret.

I have to say that I am proud to know you
And I'll never be the same because we met
You might not miss this
But I will,
I will.

---

Meh, I know it's Christmas and I'm supposed to be listening to Christmas music, but this song is amazing.

Not to mention that my (see the my?) Brandi is ubercute here. Yes, click to listen to the song with the lyrics above. :)

---

Anyway, merry Christmas from the Fernandez clan.

Shanna's making it very special for me (if you're reading this, texting you made my day). :)

and Mel?

I think I might like you forever. (:

Heh.

---

Right, I'm off for Christmas dinner.

Husband's coming over to meet the family. 0.o

*dies*

--if men are from mars, why can't we send them back?

2009-12-24T14:30:00.004+08:00

Wrote a note and you sent it through your best friend,
It was cute; couldn't give it me in person,
Asked me if I would go with you to Canters,
I said yes though it wasn't to my standards.

And though,
You're talking to me softly,
Can't know,
Tomorrow you will call me,
And just in case you leave me after all,
I'll be saying...

I want you now, I won't recover,
If you're untrue, I will remember,
It's you I gave all of myself,
Nobody else.

Later on we were talking and you charmed me,
Sign me up, I'm enlisting in your army,
Swept me off my eyes and undercovers,
Close to you and I didn't want another.

And so to ensure your behavior,
You're gonna have to sign a waiver,
So since all my doubt has gone away,
I won't now or ever will be saying...

I want you now, I won't recover,
If you're untrue, I will remember,
It's you I gave all of myself,
Nobody else.

Me, KittyKat, half of Darren. :)

Bianca and I. I think my fingers grew or something?
---
Oh, and read the lyrics above. It's so what's going on right now.

"And to ensure your behavior,
You're gonna have to sign a waiver..."

---
And Merry Christmas, everyone. :) More later.

--i used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

2009-12-21T17:20:00.003+08:00

Dumbfuck took this shot; I was thinking of J. Co. :)

Christmas is coming.

That's actually all I can think of to say.

I'm still in love, but whatever. :)

Brittany Murphy is dead, goddammit - I liked her.

She kicked major ass in 8 Mile and Girl, Interrupted.

And I cried watching Little Black Book, not to mention I loved The Ramen Girl.

Okay, so here're the people who died this year that I'm sad about;

Giselle Salandy, Yasmin Ahmad, Brittany Murphy, and not so much Michael Jackson.

More soon, then. :)

love.

--workitmovethatbitchcrazy.

2009-12-19T23:07:00.004+08:00

Betchh; me. :)
I don't look like me at all, and I have a blister.
Betchh was cute, though, and a great fellow MC.
Yeah, I had fun.
---

Anyway. Other updates are...

I cut my hair really short for me.

And I got red highlights.

No, I don't look like a dyke.

Also, contrary to popular belief, I haven't finished my Christmas shopping yet.

And I've all but completely stopped going to church.

HALLELUJAH.

Uh... that's it. Pictures of new hair to come.

Wait, wait.

I took Bianca to Sunway on Wednesday, with Darren, Katrina and Darren.

And I ordered a Bahama Mama, and I didn't get carded (that's alcoholic).

Later on, we got free soup and free dessert.

Also, after lunch, the waiter wrote a message on our receipt.

"Thank you for coming, please come again." with a smiley face, and he circled his name.

The boys didn't stop teasing me about it, and Darren took it to scan it.

---

--you should stay the night.

2009-12-12T01:02:00.006+08:00

Better than ~~stupiduglypaledisgustingperverted~~ Edward Cullen.

Better than ~~boringweird~~ Harry Potter.

Better than your usual, blah, whatever chivalrous hero (I don't really give a shit).

I bet you're wondering who Steph is blathering on and on about, huh?

Well.

I've fallen in love, people.

Yes, again with a fictional character.

This time, it's Kaisa, the King's Hunter, from Ash by Malinda Lo.

Mmmmm. *closes eyes, visualizes*

"Black hair and brown-flecked green eyes."

*insert dead, happy Stephanie here*

Anyway, I think Kaisa's a major cutie -- who tells their dream girl their favorite fairytale during the first meeting ever?

Adorable.

Epic.

Oh, oh, andandand...!

Kaisa said this to Ash (Aisling, the protagonist);

"Truly, I won't let any harm come to you."

I read that line.

And I fucking melted.

Need I say more?

I think not.

Yeah, see, Hernandez?

You have so much to learn, from a fictional character.

Nah, you're ~~perfect~~ sickening the way you are. :)

All loud and weird and non-English-speaking.

Heh.

Oh, and before I forget?

I'm currently listening to We Might Fall - Ryan Star (which is super romantic and really sets the mood for the book).

...

Again?

"Truly, I won't let any harm come to you."

*squeals, dies*

Okay, I'm done.

--pwaaaaah, epic.

2009-12-10T14:52:00.003+08:00

This is the absolute fucking cutest thing.

EVER.

And if you disagree with me, I will poke you in the eye.

I love Brandi. Marry me, woman. :)

hello world, hope you're listening

2009-12-04T16:21:00.004+08:00

"Tell me why I feel so bad, honey,

TV's flat and nothing is funny,

I get sad and stuck in a cone of silence."

...

Four years.

It's a bloody long time to stick with something. I haven't stuck with something that long unless I was pushed to do so (school). Hell, I'm not one to stick around, for things or for people.

If only, right now, it could be that easy.

I've exhaled, stared at the words I've just typed out and run a hand through my hair. Right now, I'm sitting here, in my French football jersey, mourning.

You sweet, funny, adorkable, talented, gorgeous woman. You obviously have no idea how much I'm going to miss you, and maybe it's better off that way, because if you see how much pain you're causing me (and most of your other fans), you'd be inclined to come back and play another round and make us cry again when you retire...

...but I digress.

Hell, I knew this would happen. I knew, one day, you'd retire, hang up your Reeboks and Head racquet, get on that Harley and ride off into the sunset to go surfing.

Still.

I thought I'd be prepared. Last week, when I read that you'd speak on Thursday, I thought I was prepared. Even so, I prayed.

Yes, Steph, the atheist who can't be bothered to give a fuck about god and all that is holy, got down on her knees at church and prayed. What I prayed for, you'll never guess.

I prayed not for you to not retire, because like I said, I knew it would be inevitable, but that you'd be at peace with yourself when you made this decision. I prayed that you'd think it through before you went through with it.

I prayed for your happiness.

Granted, I didn't cry while reading the first two articles about you and the r-word.

Then, I came across this one that said something along the lines of "...she burst into tears..." and I couldn't help myself, the waterworks started.

I know, I know, I pride myself on having the heart of stone, but still.

You've pretty much been my life for four years. It stings, no?

Stings to see you cry like that, and realize how much it meant to you. Also to know that I couldn't have done anything about it.

But I'm talking too much shit here.

Somehow, even though I knew I might never hear about you again (I keep thinking back to that tennis player who left a successful tennis career to become a nun), I felt happy (only slightly, but still), knowing that you knew what you wanted to do.

So with that, Amelie Simone Mauresmo, I wish you all the very best.

I'm proud to have been in your corner for four years, through good and bad. Thank you, for being such a graceful person, both on-court and off.

...

"Shut it out,

I've got no claim on you now,

Not allowed to wear your freedom down"

---

How I want to remember you:

In my eyes, you will do no wrong. ♥

--that girl.

2009-12-02T22:56:00.006+08:00

I just felt like posting this, so bear with me.

---

Of course, how could I forget that day in form one? It'll stick with me forever.

The blazing heat.

The book I'd read about a million times, tucked under my arm.

The stupid songs that the teachers taught us in an effort to boost our self-esteem.

And to top it off, I practically knew nobody there. Well, nobody that I might make an effort to talk to. They all looked boring, anyway.

So yeah, there I was, escaping into my book, that'd probably seen better days. I probably had my nose in it when they herded us into the hall like a bunch of cows (and with that big backoff that Nadia ~~has~~ had, who wouldn't think so?

Anyway, we got into the hall, safe and sound, without any fistfights breaking out between the Mat Rempits and the um, Cheenabengsengs, or the usual, scary-looking Indian boys.

Yeah, so, I sat down and pretended to listen to the teacher for a while, when in actual fact, I was completely spacing out. And someone can attest to this, because, before long, I looked up, ADD kicking in.

And right there, was this girl, who was wearing a hairnet and holding the same fucking book as I was. How the hell could I have missed that?!

She smiled. "Good book, eh?"

And the rest, as they say, is history. But not, like the ~~stupid boring~~ awesome one you read in the textbooks. This is brilliant stuff. :)

---

Thank you, Meg Cabot.

Seriously? Nobody else.

Not even Jillian Michaels.

---

Currently listening to: Jen Foster - Web of Roses.

--why did the chicken cross the road?

2009-11-29T14:04:00.003+08:00

Steph: Shanna and I were THIS close to finally getting it together and now we're interrupted by a fucking CHICKEN?! Motherfucker.

Shanna: It had some important decisions to make, so it ran away.

Nick: Its one true love was on the other side. What else could it do?

Naz: Its boyfriend didn’t like fat chicks, so it wanted to get some exercise.

Lionel: Shanna was on the other side of the road... naked... *passes out*

Jaden: I miss that chicken already... *sniff*

Shanna's mom: Young chickens shouldn’t cross the road all by themselves. What would people think?

Annika: It returned to the dark side, where it belonged.

Melissa H.: Little does it know what awaits it on the other side... *looks scary*

Eva: Come here, little chicken... that’s it, just a little closer... *chomping sounds* I love feathers.

*shakes head*

Bodoh punya orang. :)

--mental instability.

2009-11-28T01:19:00.003+08:00

[x] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[ ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[ ] You have run into a tree/bush.
[x] You have been called a blond.
TOTAL: 4

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ ] You just sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
TOTAL: 6

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire. (It was my fucking thumbnail, okay!)
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
TOTAL: 8

[x] You have fallen asleep in class.
[x] Sometimes you just can't stop thinking.
[x] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'
TOTAL: 13

[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[ ] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. e.g. picks, cards, pens, phones, money, keys etc.
TOTAL: 16

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. [x] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means.
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[x] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
TOTAL: 23

Take your total, Multiply by 4.

Stephanie-Jo Fernandez - 92% mentally unstable and fucking loving it.

--tattoos are sexy. :)

2009-11-26T01:11:00.004+08:00

“I wanna see you.”
“Okay. Is something wrong?”
“No. No, not at all. Can’t I spend time with my girl?”
“Hmm, lemme think about it.”
“Fernandez...”
“Hmm, thinking here.”
“Yeah, yeah, makin’ me work for it, right.”
“Work for what? What did you have in mind?”
“I want to be with you you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm. You got me from zero to sixty here, the way you said that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I really wanna be with you too.”
“Hmm. I’m almost hoping my four o’ clock won’t show, even though he tends to give crazy tips.”
“Wow. You could get that changed into ones and we could run around in it.”
“Could. Or...”
“Or what?”
“Or... we could make margaritas.”
---

“Aww! Hahaaa! You like that, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Fuck, yeah.”
“Oh, Hernandez, you need to stop with the fuck yeahs right now, or I’ll never make it there in one piece.”
“Oh. So when I say... ‘fuck yeah,’ it does something for you?”
“You know it does.”

“I like the idea of doing something to you.”

---

“You were really cool today.”

“I’d like to think I’m really cool every day. Seriously, how did you expect me to be?”
“I expected you to be exactly how you were.”
“You amaze me.”
“I love you.”
“Me too. I want you.”

“Exactly.”
“I’m all yours. Yours.”
“Are you?”

“As long as you want me. All yours.”
“Then I want.”

---

“Oh my god, you’re blushing.”
“Fuck off.”

“Here?”
“Shut up.”
“Oh my god, Fernandez. You have no clue how fucking adorable you are.”
“Oh, shut up."
“If you insist.”

---

Quote what The Hernandez was thinking on the 20th of last month: "What is it? Does she want to be my girlfriend? God, honey, you can be my girlfriend. I'm only holding back for you."

So fucking cute, right?

--plan not to procrastinate, tomorrow.

2009-11-25T22:30:00.003+08:00

On this day of giving thanks, I’m grateful for the carrot-cake with cream-cheese topping my mom is baking. And yeah, whatever, I’m extremely thankful for having a roof over my head and food on the table to eat – okay, fine, that’s wonderful and awesome and everything. Still, there’s the one person, who always makes me smile whether or not she’s doing something incredibly awkward, like leaping around in a leotard, or sobbing greatly after winning her first title in a century – Amelie Simone Mauresmo.

Amelie, with your beautiful green eyes and endless legs and toned derrier (I can speak French too) and your sexy abs ~~that I really want to lick whipped-cream off, someday,~~ woman, I am so thankful for you. I’ll even forget that you have terrible taste in women, and that you don’t get angry (angry = hot) nearly enough times on-court – which is actually kinda sweet and considerate of you. I would never behave like Penetta and Hingis did towards you and I’d be your own Mirka, except without the fat or the diva-ness.

Honestly, I will treat you like the bronzed Goddess you are and pour you glasses of red wine while you’re meeting my big-ass Indian family – you’ll need it. Because you came out at such a young age and eventually became close to your parents again while maintaining a reputation as one of the nicest, hottest players on the WTA, you make all your fans proud. Thanks for ten years of you (and your amazing body), and here’s to you sticking around for… about 30 more.

Love from ~~the biggest Amelie stalker~~ your future wife,
Steph.

--artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

2009-11-23T14:23:00.003+08:00

Currenly listening to these three awesome ones:

Hunter Valentine - Break This.

Shiny Toy Guns - Le Disko.

Alanis Morissette - Crazy.

Um, yeah, thassit.

Updates are more on twitter.com, so click the link in my link box and follow.

Math was good.

Oh, don't Hernandez and Fernandez sound good together?

(there, you've got yourself some space) :)

--the way you make me feel. :)

2009-11-22T19:58:00.003+08:00

And so it starts - and it's called WTF.

So yeah, come on, Rafa, you sexbox.

Some of these pictures are killer.

"I am sexy, no? Even when I smile like this."

Fed: "That girl's skirt is really short. If I just..."

Rafa: "The plane!"

Muzz: "Distinguished, Andy. You can do it."

Fed and Muzz: *talk*

Rafa: "Hm. Pie sounds good."

Rafa: *thinks* Heh. Roger looks funnyyyyy. *giggles*

Nando: *thinks* I like sex.

Muzz: *thinks* Um, I don't get Roger's accent.

---

What're you listening to?

Paradiso Girls, yo.

Woman. Stop doing that.

Whachootalkin'bout?

Um. That. Ghetto-ish-kinda thing.

Aw, lookitchoo, all proper Spic and shit. *grins* 'S'cute, tho.

Yours is annoying.

Nonono, you're s'posed to say I'm cute back.

I'm cute back.

Yo, I'm done here. Check out tha' shit - I'm cute back.

*thinks* So friggin' cute.

---

Currently listening to: Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet.

--take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

2009-11-21T01:36:00.003+08:00

First off, Sven – I’m not gonna talk to them.
Because sometimes, when you’re friends, sacrifices have to be made.
Because it’s hard for me to express myself.
Because if they can’t understand how I feel, it’s totally not worth explaining.
And it’s not worth fucking up five years or so for.
For real, though.
Even if I did talk to them, what am I supposed to say, anyway?
So, whatever.
It doesn’t matter, right?
I’ll just put a smile on my face and be there in the background.
Even if it fucking kills me to watch.
I was born to play Poker for a reason.
Let’s finally put that reason to good use.
I’ll smirk, and pretend not to give two shits, when I do.
But then again, who’s asking?

"This mask I wear, you gave to me,
One blue-skied day beneath the trees,
Its black and blue surrounds my life,
Covers my eyes and blinds my sight.

This mask I wear pretends I’m here,
And hides me from that awful fear,
That you might find the heart of me,
And take that too, beneath the trees.

This mask I wear to hide the pain,
It’s all I have to keep me sane,
“That’s awesome news,” I have to tell,
There are no words to stop this hell.

This mask, I ask the gods why,
They hate me so to watch me die,
A little more with every time,
I have to tell you that I’m fine.

But little girls grow up, my friend,
And learn the wicked ways of men,
This mask I wear comes off the day,
This mask I wear lays on your grave."
-- Shane Forrest.

Nick says, “Don’t worry, we’re still young. It’ll happen – that someone who looks at you and suddenly, you could write a book about how their eyes shine, and you wouldn’t even need a dictionary.
The someone who holds your hand, and everything is right in the world – you couldn’t be happier.
The someone who hugs you even when you’ve just stepped out of the boxing ring, and you’re all beaten-up and bloody and stinking with blood.
Just wait.”

I cling to your promise; there will be a dawn.

Currently listening to: As Tall As Lions - Love, Love, Love.

"i want to fall away; and waste another day"

2009-11-17T12:30:00.002+08:00

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.

Currently listening to this on repeat;

Uh Huh Her - Not a Love Song.

Could Camilla Grey be any hotter? No. :)

The scene is dead by morning,

Slipping past the great divide,

It chases over bridges,

Spins me out of my own mind.

Hollow is how you like it,

What you see is what you get,

Say you love me again,

But you never do,

Yeah.

--um. okay.

2009-11-11T09:16:00.003+08:00

Michael Jackson's guitarist is a complete and total sexbox. Um, yeah, anyway, just click the link and prove me right. And the song isn't half bad, either.

Orianthi Panagaris - According to You

Yeah, I've got not much else to say.

Life's a bitch, then you die.

More soon, or whenever the fuck I feel like it.

Things have changed, no?

Yes.

...so I'll say it in writing.

2009-11-09T11:05:00.003+08:00

Because talking doesn't always work.

I can't tell you;
How my heart beats faster whenever I see your name on my caller ID.
How I grit my teeth to keep from swearing whenever you talk about her.
How I want to tell you that you deserve so much better than that disgusting... ugh.
How I know that some of the things I do piss you off terribly, but I do it because I like you.
How I can't wrap my head around the idea that I actually do like you, because it's just so... out of this world?
How it actually bugs the fuck out of me that I don't know if you know that I like you.
How you're an idiot if you don't know yet.
How you're a gorgeous, idiotic, boy

But he is so pretty to me. :) Oh, yes, he is!

Kate Walsh - Your Song (Must watch!)

--if there was no you.

2009-11-09T09:50:00.003+08:00

Some people were like, "What the fuck does this mean?" Um, it's actually pretty simple to understand, la, unless you're stupid or something. I mean, look at it this way:

When I see myself, I'm seeing you too, (Same smiles; one side higher, same DFWM and confused faces, and personality-wise, we're pretty much the same.)
As long as I remember it, (Duh, ever since I was - what, two months old, he's been there.)
I'm feeling like I knew that,
My jokes aren't funny, (he laughs with me, 'nuff said).
The truth isn't true, (who's gonna help me bullshit, if not for him?)
If there was no you. (so yeah, if he didn't exist, my life would be absolute suckitude.)

If you were my boat in the deep blue sea,
I'd probably sink you down, (the boy is disgustingly skinny; it's disturbing.)
I know I should have thanked you for carrying me,
But for you I would happily drown. (I love him, la, is it that difficult to understand?)

All along your way,
The darkest night, the longest day, (Russel, TG, drinking your dad's booze.)
I know what to say to make you laugh, ("Triple word score... Herpes!" Remember?)
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you, (Even when he told me I couldn't take his car when I wanted to go see Ev.)
When you're looking for a fight, I'm your man,
When you need a friend, you got my hand. (Speaks for itself.)

What I really mean, what I'm trying hard to say, (Because we can never be serious and talk like normal human beings, but I love you anyway.)
Is that I'm counting on you and you got me too, (Um, duh. Who was the first Fernandez you came out to?!)
My secrets aren't safe, (Nobody know the actual name of *coughcough* but you!)
I'm singing out of tune if there was no you, (Who's gonna be the bitchassness drummer?)
If there was no you.

All along your way,
The darkest night, the longest day,
I know what to say to make you laugh,
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you,
When you're lookng for a fight I'm your man,
When you need a friend, you got my hand.

Steph less-than-threes Nick. He da badass muthafucka. XD

And I've taken to saying things in writing, yo. :)

...and they say.

2009-11-07T02:46:00.002+08:00

Mommy says, "Don't blame her, she's your friend."

Daddy says, "People like *coughcough* are very immature at this age."

Nick says, "Fuckin' Salad."

I love Nick. :)