.my song.

Everything I do surrounds these pieces of my life that often change,
Or maybe I've changed,
Sometimes seeming happy can be self destructive even when you're sane,
Or only insane,
But don't bother waking me today.
Here I am,
I'm so young,
I know I've been bitter,
I've been jaded,
I'm alone,
Every day,
I'll bite my tongue,
If you only knew my mind was full of razors,
That cuts you like a word if only sung,
But this is my song,
It is my song.
Now I live every day like there will never be a last one till they're gone,
And they're gone,
I'm too proud to beg for your attention and your friendship and your time,
So you can come and get it from now on.
Here I am,
I'm so young,
I know I've been bitter,
I've been jaded,
I'm alone,
Every day,
I'll bite my tongue,
If you only knew my mind was full of razors,
I'm not sure I can take it,
I'm nothing strong to hold to,
I'll wait to only hate you,
My mind is full of razors,
That cuts you like a word if only sung,
But this is my song.

This one's for you, bitch. Try using me, comparing me to your pathetic friendwithbenefits so-called girlfriend, (you're not even fucking brave enough to call her your girlfriend) anything else, and I'll hurt you. I've said this before, but it looks like I can't be "just friends" with you. Maybe it's me, maybe it's not, but it'd be best for us to go our separate ways. So, not so politely, I'm telling you to fuck off.

Oh, and today, I met YAYDEN!

.us open crap.

ME: Come on, Jelena!
NAZ: Come on, Zheng!
ME: *indignantly* Jelena!
NAZ: Zheng!
ME: JELENA!
NAZ: ZHENG!
ME: *whines* Carmen...!
CARMEN: Guys, it's late, shut up, the both of you.
ME: *sticks tongue out at Naz*
NAZ: *whispers* Zheng!
ME: Shut UP, idiot.
NAZ: I wasn't talking to you.
ME: Yeah, right. Go fuck yourself. Carmen... Naz is bullying me!
CARMEN: Naz, shut up. I'm trying to finish this.
NAZ: *innocently* What'd I do?
ME: *whacks Naz with a pillow* Shut UP! Go Jelena! I love you less than Amelie!
CARMEN: *clears throat*
ME: Oh, and less than Carmen, too.
NAZ: Haha, Jelena's gonna lose her serve.
ME: Fuck you, asshole. Bite me.
NAZ: *hums Flight of the Bumblebee*
ME: *mutters* I bet you're only supporting Zheng cause she's Chinese. *looks at screen* Owh, shit, yeah! Come on, JJ!
NAZ: *groans* Oh, balls.
ME: *does victory dance* I fell in love with the JJ, JJ.
CARMEN: *clears throat again*
ME: Uh, oh, oh, I got it! I fell in love with the DJ and JJ!
NAZ: *rolls eyes* Bollocks, come on Zheng.
ME: Come on Jelena! Allez Jelena! Davai Jelena! Vamos Jelena!
NAZ: You said that in every language except German and the language Jelena actually speaks.
ME: Okay, I'll do German. Mppgfhskt Jelena! And what language does Jelena actually speak?
NAZ: *silence*
ME: Okay, I'll act like I'm Ana cheering Jelena. I mean, Ana's mumbling is probably what they speak, right?
NAZ: *starts to laugh* Stephanie, shut the fuck up. Don't you dare-
ME: Ayhamverrihhappeetobeheretosupportmykantrimate.Yakoveesh.SheweelbenumberonenowthatIlose.
NAZ: *rolls on the floor, laughing, then looks at the screen* Damn, damn, DAMN!
ME: Hahahahahaha. *sings to the tune of The Bear Went Over The Mountain* Zheng fell over Jelena, Zheng fell over Jelena, Zheng fell over JELENAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
NAZ: *finishes* And so say all of us!
ME: What the *laughs* you crazy child of a gorilla my god, nutcase.
NAZ: Yeah, yeah, you make me laugh something chronic.
ME: So, anyway, we're cool, right? Cause, y'know, Zheng Jie's gonna lose, anyway.
NAZ: Who died and made you Maria Sharapova?
ME: Aw, c'mon. Y'know, I'm blonde, y'know, and I couldn't play in the US Open, y'know, cause I broke a nail, y'know. Regrets, y'know.
NAZ: Stephanie, I said shut the fuck up! *giggles* Jesus!
ME: Owh, shit, Jelena.
NAZ: Come on, Jelena! Let her hold!
ME: Shut the fuck up, asshole. You're like the whole of Kazakhstan in Borat.
NAZ: Aaaaand whoa gaaaah, YEAH ZHENG!
ME: ZHENG IS UGLY!
NAZ: Dammit.
ME: JELENAA! I love JELENAAA! Go JELENAAAA!
NAZ: *sarcastically* Where's the fire?
ME: Oh, look, did you see Serena?
NAZ: Don't blame your mum, Jelena...
ME: Serena can't wait to get on-court! Get back you b... Uh...
NAZ: Look at Jelena's mum. *high-pitched voice* Oh, Mr Williams...
ME: Ew. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, BITCH! In your face! Jelena WON!

.THIS is love...

Waiting for Amelie to play. At about 3AM.

Who else? Getting wasted.

About to get stoned with Naz.

SO worth it.

.birthdays.

And happy 16th to Gracie!

And the same goes to Kitty-Kat.

The both of 'em. :)

My fave little kid ever, happy 11th brithday, Rissa. We'll probably never look alike, but you're ALWAYS my baby.

Bianca. Happy 13th. This pic is OLD, but I don't have a nice one of you and me.

Melanie fucktardeggtartcheesetartblueberrycheesetart-chickenpotpie-blueeyes. I hope you like the picture.:)

All my love to these mega-losers,

Steph

.no more nathalie!

So, I stayed home from school today. Why? Let's just put it this way - Amelie Mauresmo makes me sick. She played Nathalie Dechy and the stupid Astro SuperSport (it's ASS if you put it together, which is why they added the P, so not it's ASSP), didn't show the matches live. Was on the phone with Naz while following the match on Slamtracker (the greatest invention known to man). Anyway, I'll just get to the point, shall I? Amelie was playing her fellow countrywoman, Nathalie Dechy. She lost the first set but was brilliant with the second and third. Game, set, match, Amelie Mauresmo. My girlfriend, weih. I sat in front of my laptop and played along with my iTunes playlist (usually do that when I'm nervous and following a match on Slamtracker). Got through Adam Green, Melissa Etheridge, Catie Curtis, Katy Perry, LFO, The Moffats, Street Drum Corps, Pitbull, Leona Naess and Blink-182. Amelie was wearing this black and purple thing and she looked hot as hell. Duh. She's tanned and oh-so gorgeous. Maybe suspiciously a little too tanned, but whatever. She's still hot.

--bouquet of words

No idea who wrote this, but it's fuckin' awesome. I was like, "WHOA." Wish I'd written it, but, yeah. It was probably some fag like Shakespeare or whatever. But still, it's awesome, now don't go telling me that it was written by Jodie Foster for Ellen DeGeneres.

I took a walk along a field,
I saw a girl that wore corn-flower’s clothes,
She looked like a slender reed,
That’s shaken by the wind,
That’s plucked like a rose.

I made for you a wreath of dandelions,
I should be happy to lay eyes on,
Your locks with sunny flowers above,
But for my love, I have enough.

There are tulips, tulips, tulips,
They are like glasses with soft lips;
I wish you had a drink from one,
Which touches you lips as well as mine have done.

I came and brought you chamomiles,
There seemed to be two gentle smiles,
About telling fortunes time and time again –
Love, what’s it but a simple game?

"Do not forget me," said a forget-me-not,
"I’ll have a thought of self," a narcissus replied,
This useless discourse I have bought,
Has been continuing although flowers died.

Your head-dress is dahlia’s petals,
It’s like a wavy crown,
It’s like smooth thorns,
I named it twofold, yet as well,
I see: it's like a crown of the thorns.

Somehow, it reminds me of Amelie. God, I love that woman. And good luck for the US Open tonight, babe. You've got me in your corner - I'll be staying up for you.

.no jodas!

As you all probably know, Brazil met the hotties from the USA in the Olympic finals of Women's Soccer. And USA didn't thrash them, but they won, fair and square (Carli Lloyd isn't on drugs, Carmen. Jesus. And Lori Chulupny isn't stuck up. She's very nice. I think... So, anyway. Pictures!

Renata Costa (Brazil) and Lori Chulupny (USA) tussle for the ball.

Angela Hucles tackled by Formiga. NICK: "Dude, I thought Formica was the thing they use to make tables. Wait. Why are we watching this, anyway?"

Everyone jumping on Carli Lloyd after she scored a goal. Congrats, Carli! The goal was amazing.

NATASHA KAI!!! on the ball. She took of her shirt after the match. I was like, WHOA! *jaw drops open and drools* Anyway, she was wearing this really cool pink camo sports bra. I WANT!

And here, Lori Chalupny brings down Fabiana from Brazil. The Brazilians have such cool names, but there were only about two or three hot ones - Barbara, Cristiene and Daniela.

Natasha Kai acting like she scored the goal.

"Yeah, we won! Can you believe it?"

Yeah, I saved the best for last.

Okay, so the match was REALLY good, it went into overtime and everything. Like, they had half an hour extra. I was surprised that Pia Sundhage didn't put Natasha Kai in earlier. Some amazing, fantastic goalkeeping from Hope Solo, after the match, she cried. I was impressed - the Chinese (or was it Japanese?) goalie couldn't save ANYTHING. Hell, Stevie Wonder would've been a better goalie (quote Amelie). Anyway, congratulations to Carli Lloyd. Respect to you, woman! That was a really hard goal to net. I'll put up a video of it if I fand one.

Four Winds

Four Winds

Your class, your cash, your country, sect, your name or your tribe,
There's people always dying trying to keep them alive,
His body's decomposing in containers tonight,
In an abandoned building where,
A squatter's made a mural of a Mexican girl,
With fifteen cans of spray paint and a chemical swirl,
She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world,
Four winds blowing through her hair.
I haven't used a Bright Eyes song in ages. Anyway, tomorrow's Carissa's birthday and the day after that is Mel's birthday. A few days ago, it was Winson's birthday. He was sweet enough to reply the comment I sent him on facebook. God, that boy (man? He's 20) is such a sweetheart, okay? In Australia, we sat together on the bus and were random about everything. Now there's a guy who loves being random and crazy as much as I do. I sent him the most random birthday comment you can think of (it included something about UFOs). He's one guy I definitely don't regret knowing. I mean, during WYD, whenever anyone asked him to do something, he'd do ti without any complaints. So, here's to you, Winson Ng. Have a good one, you so definitely totally really do deserve it for being such a nice guy.
But when great Satan's gone,
The whore of Babylon,
She just can't sustain the pressure,
Where it's placed,
She caves.
NAZ: What's that on Amelie's neck?
ME: Bling. If I remember correctly it was a medalion of the patron saint of St Tropez that bit, uh, I mean, Sylvie gave her.
So, anyway, I just found out that there's a website dedicated to finding out who Amelie Mauresmo's girlfriend is. They've got pictures of everyone there - Sylvie Bourdon, Pascale Arribe, Marie de Villepin (that one's just speculation but she's hot) and obviously a crapload of yucky disgusting pictures of Geraldine Filiol. First someone says it's not Geraldine, it's Marie (she's the old Prime Minister of France's daughter). Then someone says it's neither of them, Amelie's back with Sylvie. Personally, I liked Pascale the best. She was, uh *coughs* very *chokes* um... *wheezes* sweet. Kind of. In a way, like, she never tried to control Amelie, liek Sylvie did. Gotta respect her for that.
The Bible's blind, the Torah's deaf, the Qu'ran's mute,
If you burn them all together, you get close to the truth,
Still they're pouring over Sanskrit on the Ivy League moons,
While shadows lengthen the sun,
Cast all the school and meditation built to soften the times,
And hold us at the center while the spiral unwinds,
It's knocking over fences, crossing property lines,
Four winds, cry until it comes.
This is one of the most controversial songs ever. Bright Eyes rocks for not giving a damn what anyone says. Well, it's in America, anyway, so no one really cares cause they have effing FREEDOM OF SPEECH there. Sound familiar, Malaysian Government? Raja Petra rocks for speaking the truth about our country and what do they want to do? Lock him up with no internet access ever again. I mean, if you guys wanna take our money, at least tell us about it and be frank, so that we can migrate or something. If you wanna put the bumiputera (notice the non-capitalization, it's not just bad grammar) first, lt us know. Be open with it, a'ight? This way, we can actually be proactive about it instead of standing there like the complete idiots they think we are and only knowing how to moan and groan and bitch.
And it's the sum of man,
Slouching towards Bethlehem,
A heart just can't contain,
All of that empty space,
It breaks, it breaks, it breaks.
Anyway, just a random update from all that ranting about this stupid little country. Jesus, the only good thing about it is the food. So yeah, update. As I type this, Amelie's won her first set against Patty Schnyder in the New Haven tournament. Naz's giving me updates on IBM Slamtracker (one of the most amazing devices known to man). Very painlessly done, too. But I doubt Amelie's gonna win the New Haven games cause my girl's got her eyes on the US Open, which is absolutely superb. Oh, and I have to remind Naz to get to the official site to check the draws for me and see how Amelie can pull this one off. According to Naz, Amelie's playing beautifully. Somehow, I won't be surprised if she pulls a Lindsay Davenport at the US Open. I mean, come on Amelie. Lindsay's just come back from giving birth (something you'll probably never do - we'll adopt) and she's got a highter ranking than you. Get ahold of yourself, hottie!
Well, I went back, I rent a Cadillac, a company jet,
Like a newly orphaned refugee, retracing my steps,
All the way to Casa Dega to commune with the dead,
They said, "You'd better look alive",
And I was off to old Dakota where a genocide sleeps,
In the black hills, the bad lands, the calloused east,
I buried my ballast, I made my peace,
With four winds, leveling the pines.
Okay, in this last paragraph, I'd like to add a disclaimer. The opinions stated above are my own and my own only. I will definitely not be acting on them (until I'm older at least - how can you expect me to put up with this shit?). So, people, if you've got any sort of opinion (come on, y'all can't be that dumb, you guys aren't named Loke Pui Yan, you know), cbox or comment.
But when great Satan's gone,
The whore of Babylon,
She just can't remain with all that outer space,
She breaks, she breaks, she caves, she caves.

Steph

.natalie portman rapping.

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I love Natalie Portman and all, but stick to acting, gorgeous.

And although Natasha Kai can dance...



She absolutely stinks at Guitar Hero, but is really cute in thsi Nike ad.

And as for ads, here's one with Amelie in it...

.why i love the olympics.

"Justine's never gonna know..."
"Ohmaigawd! You speak Chinese?"
"Told you I waxed my armpits."

"Okay, so listen. I feel really uncomfortable right now..."
"Is this edible?"
"Yeah, I'm just gonna stay like this until they call that ball in and give me the point."
"Um, okay. I know I won. You can stop kissing me now."
"You stupid, stupid little man..."

"I'm the next Van Gough. Pinky promise."
"Yeah, it's a funny story, actually..."
"And I am this close to killing the Russians..."
"Listen, as much as you think it is, it's just not right to make fun of ladies in bug-eyed sunnies!"
"Sure, Nathalie, you're gonna serve with that thing."

"Hee, yeah, last time I checked, I rule the world."
"Bitch, I know when I'm injured, okay?"
"And the sex was ssooooo good!"
"Yes, dammit, I need bodyguards! Do you not see that manic Malaysian girl trying to attack me?"
"Hey, hotstuff..."

"So do I win "Most Tattooed" yet?"
"Uh-huh. That's the way you do the hula."

"And then she left me for Amelie Mauresmo..."
"Kiss my fabulous Hawaiian ass!"
"So do I shoot goals from here or there?"
"Aw, shit, I totally forgot to tattoo my left hand."
"Mine, bitches!"

"Ehehehe, Abby doesn't know we tied her laces together."

"And, yes, Hope Solo IS blonde and hot and taller than I am, dammit!"
"God, if you ate any more of those tortillas, Abby..."
"Jesus, Abby, that was a stinker!"
"Now, if you look closely, you can almost see my boxers!"
"You ain't careful, bitch, and I'mma kick you in the face!"

"Ew. Is that a dead frog in that puddle?"

"And you can hardly tell the difference between my head and the ball!"
"Hahaha, no, Boxx, I really don't wanna kiss you."
"And you wonder why they call me the Flyin' Hawaiian..."
"Yes, I am a cool Hawaiian and I'll flip you off, thankewverymuch."

Between Natasha Kanani Janine Kai and Amelie Simone Mauresmo, I'm a goner. Oh, and I know Amelie isn't in the Olympics, but I love her the most and I SO couldn't resist.

.dirtnote's inspiration.

Dude, this is so fucking funny, I just had to post it here. Check it out.




And Natasha Kai...

.fernandez quotes - part dos.

Naz, Nick, Leann and I are hilarious. We're like our own comedy show. Check it.

::.on Carmen...
Leann: She makes a good sandwich, huh? It's amazing how you can use the same ingredients but one sandwich won't taste as good as any other.
Me: It's all about placement... and she makes the thickest part the middle... and the pickle... God, it's delicious. And that's why we took her as our wife.

::.on Garbage (the band)...
Me: There's a whole bunch of bar bands in Vancouver that are looking for singers who like Garbage.
Naz: Well just because you still have posters in your studio of Garbage doesn't mean, you don't need to deflect what you like onto me.
Me: I don't have a "studio" first of all, so there's the first thing you got wrong.
Naz: Well your CD collection is still in 1996 so...
Me: Nothing wrong with the mid '90s.
Naz: I'm just saying...
Me: At least you can hear what they're saying.
Naz: Okay, Grandpa.

::.on vaginas...
Leann: What does it say about society that men are so comfortable drawing their own genitalia all over everything? Women do not feel comfortable to do that, I would never... Who has an Artline? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna... I'm gonna christen these walls with a VAGINA.
Me: Yeah, pussy!
Leann: Pussy powahh!

::.on being in Dirtnote...
Nick: We love something together, and we made it together and we appreciate that and we'll always have that bond...
Me: It was a mistake, I should've worn a condom.

::.on being gay...
Leann: It's because you're gay. You can't tell the difference between left and right because you're gay. You're confused. It's very confusing for you.
Me: I was too busy thinking about being gay than learning my lefts and rights. I'm so distracted by being gay all the time that it's hard for me.

::.on Tyra Banks and ANTM...
Naz: So you do not watch America's Next Top Model?
Me: Yes I do watch it and Tyra Banks said the most amazing thing that became, like, my mantra, and Melanie had a t-shirt made for me.
Naz: What did she say?
Me: Well, Tyra was like, "Your pictures do not look good. Like, it looks awful, I mean, you're cringing in them," and the girl was like, "I got food poisoning the night before and I was up just getting sick all night and I was in so much pain and I got to the shoot and I was dehydrated and tired and I went to the hospital right afterwards," and Tyra was like--It was like a close up on her face all the sudden and she was all like, "You know, I had"--I can't remember what it was, some sort of disorder, some sort of thing--"and I was in incredible pain and I was cramping and blah blah blah blah blah"--you know, she's doing this whole thing and listing all the characteristics, all the symptoms of her disease, and she goes, "But you just model through it." And I was like, "Oh my god, that's fucking genius. You just model through it!"

::.at ICOM; playing a gig...
ME: Oh my god, and at work it was so crazy and I was just like--Oh my god, oh my god, and them--have you heard them? They're so good, they're like my favorite band, I saw them on MTV, I love them. Do you want more drinks? Why are all these people singing around us? It's so annoying, I can't hear anything you're saying.

::.about Anna...
Me: So, the first session, Leann called the therapist a motherfucker. And the second session, I was like on Oprah and I cried and I was all, 'You hurt me with your words!' and Leann called me a motherfucker. And the third session we just, like, totally ganged up on Anna (that's our therapist's name) and then we had a list, like, we started the session with all the words we weren't allowed to use. I mean, obviously number one being 'motherfucker'..."

::.On Hot-Dog breath...
Me: The idea of my mom discovering my sexuality along with me is almost worse than Leann's hot-dog breath. Almost.

::.On virginity...
Nick: The girl sitting in front of me in class last year turned around and she said, 'Oh my god! I totally lost my virginity to my boyfriend during the holidays to this song!' and I was like, "We have to do that already?!"

::.When being high...
Me: I'm pretty sure Leann wrote that song about me. Dressing bad's like loving you. Leann dresses pretty bad but it's because she loves me. Even though I hate her. She tries so much to win my love... hey Leann?

::.On STDs...
Leann: I'd say it's more about not how many people you've slept with but do you have an STD.

::.On relating to our music...
Nick: We take it so seriously when people don't like us or when they say they can't relate to us. I'm like, "How can you not relate to us? We're like hearts on a sleeve. How can you not relate to the human condition, you fucking asshole?"

::.On jealousy...
Me: I wrote about being really jealous, I'm talking intense jealousy, jealousy that I had never felt before. The thing that I loved about the chorus in that song is that 'I can't even work' it's like I'm exasperated with myself. I was like disabled by it. I was jealous of what I didn't have, what I used to have, what I wanted to have, and at that particular time I was sort of half-dating someone who was in a relationship, so it was an affair. It was a weird triangle of people and then my ex-girlfriend started dating this guy and then I felt worse, and then he felt jealous, and it was just like 'fuck!' and I was just consumed.

::.On masturbation...
Leann: "Do you think the guy on the LRT that is touching himself feels like he's spreading love? I will tell you right now there is a law against that."

::.On my mom...
Me: My mom says I suck as a bed partner. I suck in bed...but thats okay, I have other things going for me.

::.After playing at Rachael's birthday...
Me: Anyway, I diagnosed myself..I have a virus and so..uh..I won't be having sex with anyone after the show... hmm..I'm just kidding, it's not..it's not passed like that.

::.On dry humping...
Nick: Don't dry hump, that's embrassing, and don't ever use the word dry hump again.

::.On dating...
Unlucky Girl: I just wanna see more of you!
Nick: Beatrix? (I SWEAR THAT'S HER NAME)
Unlucky Girl: Yes?
Nick: 6 Letters. Google.

::.On being annoying...
Nisa: Most annoying trait Nick has?
Me: There’s this thing that he does with his, his little labret piercing that makes me wanna rip it right out of his face.
Nisa: Where is that on the body?
Me: Labret, there.
Nick: It's in my labret.
Nisa: Oh, Okay. I thought it was possibly a...
Me: *laughs* No, that would be labia. *laughs*

::.On Corbin...
Nick: These are actual fish, that swim in the water that Steph bought for a very low price...
Me: Oh, so because they're not expensive, their life is worth nothing? These were cheap fish, people, don't get upset. Don't get attached to Corbin, okay? He's just a cheap fish. He was one of those blue ones. He was cute and he meant a lot to me.

::.On breaking up...
Nick: So that's a favorite of mine, I really like that song and it makes me sad when I play it, but I think it's a good song. I don't know why it makes me sad, there's just something about the song. I was really happy and was in a good relationship and feeling really strong and stable when I wrote this record, but I was sort of filtering old feelings and old stuff from past relationships. And then I spent a lot of times sort of like being a spectator to Steph's break up, and Leann had just gotten into a new relationship, and just sort of felt like, you don't even know what you have and then it's gone. At the time, I was sorta feeling like, umm - I know I've been dumped before and then every relationship you see around you, you just want to be angry at them because you're like, "Respect each other, love each other, don't lose it, it's so great what you have!" So that song was like my reminder that you have to be good to one another.

::.On being original...
Me: When I wrote this song I felt pretty unoriginal because everybody writes love songs and everybody feels like their love's the most important, and when their love ends and they get their heart broken, that nobody understands, and that's ridiculous... but so am I.

::.On the song differences...
Me: When Nick's singing about laying in bed with a pile of books between him and his boyfriend, that hurts. Whereas I'm like, "Screw you." I've got all the teenagers in the audience, with songs like "Wimbledon." But "Floor Plan" comes on, and I'm singing about wanting Nick's partner's lungs to stop working without him, and that's where the depth in our music is really at. I think that balance in our songwriting is what distinguishes us.

::.On unicorns...
Me: And we're going to make billions of dollars, and we're going to buy an island, one of the ones that have unicorns on them. We talk about unicorns a lot because I found out while we were recording the record that I did not understand that unicorns never existed, I just thought they were extinct. And then everybody laughs because everyone's first thought when they think of a unicorn is the idea that it's a mythical creature but I didn't ever think that way. I was just like, it's a white horse with a horn...

::.On toilets...
Nick: She might be on the toilet. Bang on the door and tell her to stop doing a shit, pull her pants and and get down here.

::.On being nude...
Nick: Clothes make me miserable. I like to spend most of my time in the nude and this whole 'recording a record' with people around and things...it's really fucking that up.

::.On dying people...
Me: CNN reports that 8 million people will die of E. Coli, eboli and...Tornadoes.

::.On being a tease...
Nick: You can ask any girlfriend. I'm a tease.

::.On being a slut...
Me: I'm not a slut, I'm just, you know, emotionally slutty.

::.From Nick to me...
Nick: I have standards, you're a slut.

::.On being alike...
Nick: We’re so polar from one another, I think sometimes that does make us very similar. I think we’re both very sensitive and both very introverted and shy, but we make up for it by being very extroverted when we get uncomfortable, which is pretty much all the time.

::.On learning to lie...
Me: My dad used to open up photo albums and stuff and you'd have to tell a story about the picture but you couldn't tell the truth so you had to make up a story about whatever you were looking at. He really taught us how to lie.

::.On playing in Dirtnote with Nick...
Me: There is a certain amount of stress that you wouldn't have if you didn't have a family member in a band, but at the same time, there's a certain amount of security in knowing that we can ignore each other or we can be annoyed at each other, but it doesn't mean that we're going to quit. I know I can show up at the club and he's not going to be AWOL.

::.On tattoos...
Nick: I wanna get a big black X tattooed on my arm but I just feel like it would really be sad to get it removed if I decided to not be straight edge anymore. I might seem like a bit of a hypocrite.
Me: You could have just been a big fan of X. *pause*
Nick: I hate it when jokes fall flat, don't you?

::.On religion...
Me: I'm not a religious person, but I feel fascinated by religion. I mean, something that has overwhelmed so many people and created so much hate and love at the same time...
Nick: So has marijuana.

::.On family...
Nick: Every time I hear it, I want to punch her in the face because I'm so excited for her.
Me: Oh, that's how we do it in our family.

::.On Cadbury...
Nick: You basically have an out of control dog.
Me: I do, and its name is Nickolai.

::.On out absolute 0% knowledge of hip-hop...
Me: Show him you're a baller!
Nick: Show him you're what?
Me: Show him that you're a baller!
Nick: What the fuck is a baller?
Me: It's like hip hop, like Nelly. It's MTV, we have to speak their language...

::.On barking...
Nick: Stephanie, shut the fuck up, why do you need to do that?
Me: Because you always start with, "but i thought..."
Nick: Save your barking for the ocean.
Me: What the fuck does that mean?!
Nick: It means you're one of those things... that bark at the ocean.

::.On musicals...
Nick: The only time I've ever seen a musical was actually when I was in standard 5.
Me: That was standard 3.
Nick: No, no. That was standard 5.
Me: Are you talking about Joseph and the?
Nick: I don't know.
Me: (Talking to Natalia in the audience) Talia? When did we go to see the amazing technicolor jacket guy?
Nick: It was standard 5.
Me: What was it, Talia?
Natalia: Five.
Nick: Standard 5, thank you.
Me: Just so you know, it wasn't standard 5.
Nick: It was standard 5.
Me: It wasn't, cause I still wasn't wearing the hat.
Nick: It was standard 5, Steph was in standard 4, she was younger. We didn't call her dumb, it was more like she was slow. She was special. Steph really focused on things in High School-
Me: I'll bet you both 250 dollars each.
Nick: I'll bet you a fucking million dollars.
Me: A million dollars? I don't think you have a million dollars, but I think you have 250 that has my fucking name written all over it.

::.On bees...
Nick: I was really not a big fan of anything with wings, but I'm sure that this is just because I'm afraid of them getting in my hair, or on me, or up my nose, or something like that. But one time there was a bee in my house and so I was sitting in my living room slash bedroom and this bee flew in the window and I panicked. I was all like, "Ahh!" and went running into the bathroom and then closed the door. I was all like, 'Ahhh', and then I was like 'Well fuck, I'm in the bathroom, what am I going to do in here?' So I just was like, 'I have to go out and get the bee.' So I opened the door and I peeked out. And I could hear the bee, it was fucking big, it was probably the size of my fist. It was like "brrrr", and was just like bumping into shit and I was like it's come into my house to die. It was like big, and full and slow, and it was going to die. So I closed the door, and I was all like 'Fuck, what am I going to do?' And the bathroom was–like there was four stairs up into the bathroom and then there was a bench, it was a rad bathroom–and so I basically came up with this plan because I was so afraid of the bee I was like it's gonna have to fly out the window so I basically opened up the door, ran and threw open another window, and then ran back into the bathroom. And I waited like three minutes, and then I opened the door and it was still out there and so I ran out and grabbed my guitar. And I wrote a song and waited for the bee to die. I know this sounds totally insane, but it was a really big bee. And I don't know if I'm allergic. I didn't want to die alone in my weird creepy house; and I'd just been dumped and I was like, 'I don't wanna die.' I don't wanna get a bee sting and everybody go, 'yeah, he died of a broken heart.' but really it was a bee sting.


Sarcasm runs in the Fernandez family.

.tragedy.

Sorry I'm only,

Human you know me,

Grown up oh no guess again.

My days always,

Dry up and blow away,

Sometimes I could do that too.

But make no mistake that,

When you need a friend,

You could count on anyone,

But you know I'll defend,

The tragedy that we knew as The End.

Progress, changing,

Growing then giving up,

Somehow we're never quite prepared,

But I understand it.

When you need a friend,

You could count on anyone,

But you know I'll defend,

The tragedy that we knew as The End.

So taking you with me would be like,

Taking all your money to the grave,

It does no good to anyone especially,

The one you're trying to save,

But it's so hard not to say.

When you need a friend,

You could count on anyone,

But you know I'll defend,

The tragedy that we knew as,

The End.

I know I say that I don't write for people, but this one's for you. I hope you know who you are, and if anyone else doesn't, PLEASE don't ask me. This is really, really personal.

.this is what happens...

...when your little cousin won't stop playing Miley Cyrus' 7 Things. As you all know, I'm on team Demi and team Selena, so I got this little thing just for Miley. Please feel free to read and comment. It's to the tune of Miley Cyrus' 7 Things. And the moment Nickie gets the tabs for it, I'm recoding it and it goes on youtube. Who knows - I might just be the next Weird Al... Anyway, enjoy.

I probably shouldn't say this,

But I think I should convey,

That I wonder why she exists,

In the music biz today,

She’s not awesome, please just toss her,

Right in the garbage for me, I don’t care.

And now I’m standing in the mall,

And all I hear is that same old song,

So you should hear, my dear...

The many things I hate about you,

The many things I hate about you, oh you.

Your age,

Your fame,

You're far from poor,

Disney made you a star,

You made kids laugh, I don’t know why,

Your merchandise, they always buy,

My ears, they bleed when you sing out loud,

Just know it hurts,

I’m wishing that you would just go,

And the biggest thing I hate the most about you,

I’m jealous of you.

The reason that you’re famous - cause your dad is Billy Ray,

Wouldn’t be so bad if you weren’t on TV every day,

You’re the queen but at eighteen,

Let's just face it, you’ll be unseen,

Let's be clear,

Oh you’re not coming back,

You’re on my last nerve here .

The many things I hate about you,

Your age,

Your fame,

You're far from poor,

Disney made you a star,

You made kids laugh, I don’t know why,

Your merchandise, they always buy,

My ears, they bleed when you sing out loud,

Just know it hurts,

I’m wishing that you would just go,

And the biggest thing I hate the most about you,

I’m jealous of you.

I know I just repeated,

The main things I don’t like,

I probably should mention the others things I spite...

The other things I hate about you,

Your songs,

Online,

When kids make signs,

Can I please get euthanized?

Your show is bad, it makes me cry,

Your merchandise, kids always buy,

Your songs, I find - they will end mankind,

Nothing's alright,

I want the songs that I used to love,

Still, the biggest thing I hate the most about you,

I’m jealous of you.

Oh, and people? I'm not jealous cause she's a porn star. I'm jealous cause she's famous. And rich. If I had half the cash she does, I'd be stalking Amelie. Jesus.

Oh. and Viva Dirtnote!

.i hereby declare...

...Amy MacDonald the new Dolores O'Riordan. Does anyone realize how popular the name Amy is getting, i.e., Amy Ray, Amy Rodriguez, Amy Winehouse, Amy MacDonald, Amy Lee, Amy Cook and not forgetting our very own Amy Chin! Love ya, bitch.

Oh, play the video for the awesome-st new chick-rock song ever! Helen, I found it!

.mmhmm.

Rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 10:44 pm

Name: Stephanie-Jo Fernandez, aka Mrs Amelie Simone Mauresmo, aka Mrs Natasha Kanani Janine Kai.

Sisters: Amelia Marie. Marion Bartoli (hahaha).

Brothers: Pete Wentz (hahaha).

Shoe size: 7 or 8 or 9.

Height: 5 feet, five inches, babeh.

Where do you live: Happy Garden. Ironic, huh?

Favourite drinks: Vodka and Coke.

Favourite breakfast: Pancakes, sausages, eggs, bacon, toast.

Have you ever...

...been on a plane: Yup

...swam in the ocean: Yup

...fallen asleep in school: Hahaha, this is ME you're talking about. What d'you think?

...broken someone's heart: Yup

...fell off your chair: Hahaha, YES!

...sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Call me crazy, but yeah.

...saved e-mails: Too damn lazy to delete them.

What is your room like: Red+Black+White themed.

What's right beside you: My phone.

What is the last thing you ate: Tacos.

Ever had...

...chicken pox: Yeah. When I was 6.

...sore throat: Obviously.

...stitches: Yeah. Over seven times.

...broken nose: In form 2.

Do you believe in love at first sight: I believe in lust as first sight.

Like picnics: Yeah.

Who was the last person...

...you danced with: Naz, I guess. We were trying to out-do each other's headstands.

...who made you smile: Naz again.

...you last yelled at: all together now. NAZ.

Today did you...

...talk to someone you like: Yeah. A little.

...kiss anyone: *coughs* Moving on to the next question...

...get sick: Yeah, when I saw how Jelena Jankovic was playing.

...talk to an ex: Uhm... I guess so.

...miss someone: More than you could ever begin to understand.

Best feeling in the world: Probably when I know that Amelie's mine and she's not going anywhere.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No. I have my doggie.

Who do you really hate: LOTS of people. Naz, to begin with. Well, not really. Serena Williams. Geraldine Filiol.

What time is it now: 11:02pm. I really have no life.

Randoms:

Q:Is there a person who is on your mind right now: Yeah.

Q: Do you have any siblings: Yeah. His name's Cadbury. He eats my food and sleeps in my bed.

Q: Do you want children: YES! I've even picked out names.

Q: Do you smile often: No. The form 1 girl, Mun Yee and her friend call me "No Emo".

Q: Do you like your hand-writing: No, but other people do.

Q: Are your toenails painted: Yeah.

Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: Amelie's?

Q: What colour shirt are you wearing: Blue.

Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday: Watching tennis.

Q: I can't wait till: I'm out of the house!

Q: When did you cry last: Today.

Q: Are you a friendly person: Sometimes.

Q: Do you have any pets: My brother, Cadbury.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now: Uh, PJ? I don't know. Somewhere. France, or playing at the Olympics in Beijing.

Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now: Of course. He's my little cousin, Marcus. Means the world to me.

Do you sleep with the TV on: Nope.

What are you doing right now: This survey. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

Have you ever crawled through a window: No, but I've sliced my hand punching a window. Long story; basically, I was sleeping over at Carmen's and I thought there was a robber at the window. I smacked my fist into the window pane and found out that the "robber" was actually Naz. My blood was all over the floor and I didn't realize until Naz pointed it out. Carmen took me to see Darah and get my hand un-screwed up again.

Can you handle the truth: I want nothing but.

Are you closer to your mother or father: I love my mommy.

Who was the last person you cried in front of: Myself. I hate crying in front of people.

How many people can you say you've really loved: A lot. My family and my besties - The Nazis, The CARINg (haha, kudos to Eusoff for that), Helen, Eusoff, Arif, Naz, Carmen, Mel KF, ah, the whole lot of them! Well, most.

Do you eat healthy: Sometimes. Healthy food tastes like garbage.

Do you still have pictures of you and your ex: Yeah.

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: "Your grandpa died." Duh, I cried.

How often do you go to church: Once a week.

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to: My drug dealer. Haha, Naz, I guess, or Sulekha (love her, too).

Are you loud or quiet most of the time: LOUD!

Are you confident: I can go onstage and give people the impression that I'm confident.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago..(1998)

.reading Harry Potter

.hanging out with Amali

.playing Resident Evil on my pathetic PS1

.trying not to get in trouble with the Math teacher (things haven't changed)

.making fun of Wong Joan Ni

5 things on my to-do list today:

.start another Amelie video

.hang out with Naz

.call Aiden

.go to Carmen's

.PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAY

5 snacks I enjoy:

.cheese

.Oreos

.Cadbury chocs

.Strawberry-flavoured bubblegum

.canned sausages

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:

.go watch Wimbledon, live, with my mom, cause she wants to go

.get myself a house next to Amelie's

.buy another house in Hawaii next to Natasha Kai

.sue my dad?

.put myself through Berklee

5 of my bad habits:

.I sleep a LOT

.I'm racist (and PROUD)

.I have no patience for stupidity

.I can be harsh

.I'm a fucking lazyass

5 places I have lived in:

.Happy Garden

.Bukit Jalil

.Puchong

.Penang

.Bangsar

5 jobs I’ve had:

.musician

.delusional psycho bitch

.girlfriend

.family emo

.stalker

5 people I tag:

Amy Chin

Amanda Yong

Chan Pik Ee

Daphne Lee

Wong Chee Meng

.waiting game.

You and me,
A little different,
Though we tried to stay the same.
It never leaves,
And when it changes,
It is still a waiting game.
I wait for a lonely breath,
I wait to surface from this depth,
Wait for the light to come,
And take away these images I kept,
In my head.
More than ever I need to feel you,
And more than ever I see the real you.
You are me,
A worse disaster would be waking up alone,
Now we're free,
We're drifting out like all the ones we didn't know.
I wait for silence here,
I wait for things to disappear,
Wait for the ground to stop,
Moving underneath my only fear,
If I lose you I don't know.
More than ever I need to feel you,
It's all around,
More than ever I see the real you,
And it surrounds.
Everything, everything we have had,
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
Given that,
What I see when I dream,
Hurts like hell and back.
More than ever I need to feel you,
It's all around,
More than ever I see the real you,
And it surrounds.

I don't want you anymore. And I don't really need you. For me to be perfectly honest, I need you to take your problems and keep them. I really don't care. I'm surprised that I can say this, but I'm completely OVER you. You mean nothing to me any more. We've both become different people and if you can't accept me for who I am, maybe it's time to move on. Without me. You've got her, you'll be fine. And I'm definitely better off. I just don't want you any more. It just feels SO good to finally realize that. I'm a bitch. I'd tell you to live with it, but I know that you'll be living withOUT me.

Drops of Jupiter

Drops of Jupiter

Now that she's back in the atmosphere,
With drops of Jupiter in her hair,
She acts like summer and walks like rain,
Reminds me that there's time to change,
Since the return from her stay on the moon,
She listens like spring and she talks like June.
I love this song. Saw the video on youtube recently and Pat Monahan is such a pretty, pretty man! Still, like Helen and I agreed, after falling for Amelie and Roger, falling for a musician or an actor is just... NAAAAH. Like, all you see is what they WANT to show you. With Amelie, on-court, you see her talking to herself, doing the eyepoke thingy, screaming at the referee, telling Elena Dementieva's mom to shut it, etc and off-court, you see her with little kids and it's just SO cute. Like, she's such a nice person (oh, and HOT, too). Anyway, this is my first POST post in a long time, and I apologize for that. I've been such an asshooligan, being too lazy to blog properly and just uploading pictures. God, I'm turning into one of those photolog bloggers! *slaps self*
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated,
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.
Anyway, happy birthday to my bestie, Helen Sneha Jambunathan. Here's hoping that you FINALLY get a blog (so I can link you), get to meet Roger Federer (so I can meet Amelie through him), and get to go for the Federer-Nadal game (so we can drool over Rafa together). It's been four fucking years of friendship and obviously, there's many more to come (can't wait for you to be Godma to Cayenne, Laith, Shane, Alyssa, Jarrod, Regan and Kierstyn). You're finally sixteen, and PLEASE don't lose your virginity. I don't think Roger would appreciate that. Also, can't wait for this Saturday, when I'ma do something to Sarah!
Now that she's back from that soul vacation,
Tracing her way through the constellation,
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo,
Reminds me that there's room to grow,
Now that she's back in the atmosphere,
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane,
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.
Anyway, school's been pretty much like this. Amy and I were talking about this certain form 3 girl the other day, and this is how it went:
AMY: Eh, I actually find her very pretty.
ME: Yeah, omygawdd, don't you just wanna slap her?
Hahaha. And I just remembered this from a couple of weeks ago. Amy probably knows who these people are. Hee.
"Ohmygawd, she's so desperate."
"Yeah, she's the worst ex I ever had."
"Hey, mine, too! Wait. I don't mean she was my ex..."
Laughs all around. It's three different people speaking, by the way.
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back to the Milky Way,
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind,
Was it everything you wanted to find,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.
So anyway, flavour of the month with Amy and I have been *drumroll, please* LezLo and SaMANtha Ronson. What the fuck, SaMAN's 43 years old. It's enough to make you wanna hide under your bed and PRAAAAAAAAY that you don't turn out like that once you turn 43. Hell, yes people, I kid you not. And by the way, speaking of celebrities, Nickie, I CAN'T find a more local crush. Come on, Dayang Nurfaizah looks like something I'd find stuck to the bottom of my Converse shoes. And Arif had better brought me Converse from Jakarta. As for which team we're on, Amy and I are on Team Selena and Team Demi, cause Miley Cyrus is a porn star and an insult to 16 year olds everywhere. I can only imagine why Katy Perry wants to kiss her. Birds of a feather... Ew.
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Your best friend always sticking up for you,
Even when I know you're wrong,
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five hour phone conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me.
I'm currently reading Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart. The first 143 pages have been SUPERB. I'd give my left pinkie to be able to write like that woman. Breaking Dawn was full of crap, Stephenie needs to write something else. The Host is just boring. On a lighter note, I got to see the USA - New Zealand game yesterday. For all of you who've been living under a rock for the past week, women's soccer is my new #2 passion (#1 being tennis, of course). And USA totally schooled New Zealand. I couldn't've been happier (well, maybe if Natasha Kai scored). So, I was sitting there, watching Natasha Kai run around the field all hot and sweaty when my mom comes into the room.
MOM: Why are we supporting America?
ME: "We" are? I thought I was. Anyway, it's because Natasha Kai is there.
MOM: Oh. Is she a gay?
ME: *lies* No...
For those of you who REALLY don't know, I DETEST discussing sexuality issues with my mother. I'd rather get a root canal. Seriously. And mom, it's not "a gay". It's "gay."
Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back toward the Milky Way,
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.
So, USA has made the semi-finals. I less than three Natasha Kai, though not as much as I less than three (soon to be my) gorgeous, blonde, 5"9' Amazonian Frenchwoman with the Grecian jawline and the grass-colored eyes. I REALLY less than three her. Okay, I'm lame. This post ends here.
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And did you fall from a shooting star,
Fall from a shooting star,
And are you lonely by yourself out there.

less than three,
Steph

.happy birthday.

to Helen Sneha, who I love dearly cause she listens to me babble about Amelie (then babbles about Roger Federer). Cause she arranged everything when my grandpa decided to die. Cause she's always there to beat up on Sarah with me. Cause she says that I should stick with Amelie and not run away with Natasha Kai. Cause she likes Brandi Carlile. Cause our friendship works so well. Cause she's racist along with me. Cause she laughs at my lame jokes. Cause she's fucking gorgeous (and she knows it, bloody hell). Cause she thinks I'm not gay (as do Viv, Amy and Carin). Cause she loves my dog. Just cause, dammit!

<3333>

.olympic hotties.

If anyone dares argue this selection with me, I'll personally shoot their eyes out with Uncle Steven's rifle. And trust me when I say that I'm a damn good shot.

Natasha Kai, USA (Soccer)

Christine Nilsen, Norway (Soccer)

Jelena Jankovic, Serbia (Tennis)

Ana Ivanovic, Serbia (Tennis)

.faves.

Number: Seventeen. Cause then I'll be able to drive. Morgan, your new Peugeot had better watch out!

Color: Red and black. I can't pick between them. Of course, Amy'll screw me if I buy another black shirt.

Day: Saturday, cause it's usually lazyday. Get up, play tennis, shower, go back to sleep, get up, have breakfast, watch TV, bathe, go out.

Month: June and December. Christmas and my birthday.

Song: Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. It's been covered so many times that I never get tired of it.

Food: Madam Kwan's Nasi Lemak! Or pizza. Or Mexican food, made by Carmen Morales.

Sport: Tennis (I'm an avid follower of the WTA, plus, Amelie Mauresmo is DAAAAAAMN hot) and Women's Soccer isn't that bad (Natasha Kai is mine).

Drink: JD + Coke. Thai Airways rocks cause they gave it to me.

Candy: CHOCOLATE!!! and Bubble gum; HubbaBubba Strawberry or weird flavors of Bubble Yum.

Ice Cream: Baskin's Pralines and Cream or just plain ol' Mint Chocolate Chip.

Season: Summer, please. I don't want my board shorts to go to waste.

Band: Blink-182, Angels & Airwaves - Anything with Tom DeLonge in it.

Movie: Currently, it's Puccini for Beginners.

Website: facebook.com

Animal: Dogs, but big ones. And I always wanted a monkey. And a pig.

Item of Clothing: BOARD SHORTS, in your face, Bunwoman.

Word: Fuck.

Place: Tuscany.

I tag: Alex. Cathy. Eusoff. Katrina. Vivien.

.MORE aussie pics.

Me and Betchh at the Matt Maher gig. Best decision I ever made in my life.

Me, Alex and Joseph in Melbourne.

Amanda, me and Alex going hooooome.

Carmen and me at the church somewhere.

Carmen, me and Cath on the train.

Alex and me with Neil.

Me and my bitch!

Mel Ng and me on the grass. Comfy, weih!

Mel Ng and me with the Lebanese peeps!

Me and my Chilean boy.

With the Brazilian group. Amanda looks stoned.

The whole Asayo 2 group. Sorry if anyone was missed.

From left: Me, Vida and Sharon.

Us eating. This was, like, our best meal.

With the Archbishop-Cardinal-Whatever dude.

With the group from Texas.

Cathy and me. I look damn stoned. Eh, people, it's damn tiring, okay!

From left: Mel Netto (one of the two teachers I only ever got along with), Katrina and me.

From left: Adeline (whom I swiped most of these pichas off), Katrina and me.

From left: Jaime Miranda (toldja she was there, Helen!), Carmen Miranda (the other teacher I've ever gotten along with), me and Cathy.

Obviously, there are more to come, I'm just waiting for them. Hee.